"Where are you two going?" Jade yelled out to Ethan as he walked back to his car.
"I'm going to work, apparently they expect me to show up every day or something. If you ask me, that's asking too much from someone. I'm bringing Nikki along to keep my company, I know you have better things to do, she doesn't though."
"Hey!" Nikki said as she shoved Ethan's head into the hood of the car making a loud banging noise.
Again Jade yelled out of the house. "What was that loud banging noise?"
"Nothing dear, Ethan tripped and fell into the hood of the car, he'll be alright" Nikki called back. She whispered to Ethan "Noses grow back eventually right?"
Ethan holding his face said "For your sake, I hope so! Lets go already before I have any more accidents. By the way, wasn't it convenent that the reward for completing that quest with the homeless guy was a Green Mustang in roughly the same shape as my old car before the cats blew it up."
Nikki laughed. "You'd have figured he would have used it as shelter instead of that box"
Ethan sighed. "That's not how quest givers work. They take everything that people bring them from completing the task, destroy it and they have a constant supply of the reward just lying around. Did you see that car lot on the other side of the alley he lives in, filled with green mustangs in roughly the same shape? There's a provider for everything I hear. You want half chewed pieces of mint flavored dental floss, you just need to call up Minty McGinty."
After a quick drive that involved the use of a couple sidewalks, the bottom of the lake in the middle of the city park, and a shortcut through a golf course, they arrived at Ethan's place of employment. He worked at a computer lab helping people with their technical issues. Upon arriving, he took his position at a round table in the center of the lab. This table was on a slightly raised rotating platform. As time passed, his view would slowly rotate around the room. Ethan liked to mess with the motor that controlled the motion of the platform to make it spin fast enough to throw all the computers off the desk. The management recently had been trying to cut down on the destruction of equipment in this manner and had asked him in the nicest way possible to 'knock it off with the knocking things off'.
Almost immediately after sitting down, a woman came up to him looking all distraught. "Can you help me sir, I'm having problems finding my files."
"Sure lets see what we got here." Ethan followed her back to a workstation which had a large folder open with about one hundred thousand files in it, all seeming to be composed of random letters in the file names. "Your files are in here? What did you call them?"
"Oh that's easy, I named each file with a combination of 8 to 14 random letters that have no pattern at all and saved them in this junk folder filled with garbage files named with a combination of 8 to 14 random letters."
Ethan frowned. "And you lost your files in here? Do you remember what the random file names were or write them down or something?"
"No"
"Then why did you do that, didn't you realize you would get them lost if you put them in this folder and gave them random file names?"
"It hadn't occurred to me at the time. So can you get my files back now?"
Ethan's jaw dropped a little bit as he stared blindly in the direction of the computer screen. "No I'm sorry we can't help idiots on Tuesdays."
"But today is Thursday"
"Yeah we can't help idiots on Thursdays either. Actually I'll go so far as say you should leave now." Ethan unplugged the monitor and computer calmly. He then pushed both into the burning barrel at the end of the table. "I hope the fires can cleanse the stupid from this computer" he added as he stared at the dancing flames.
"What am I going to do now?" the woman asked.
"Go rent a car, that always makes me feel better, goodbye now!" Ethan said as he pushed her out the door.
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
Chapter 22: The Ride Home
"You win this one Petko!" Ethan said aloud as he shook his fist in the air.
"Why do you always do that whenever you're showing you're displeased with something?" Jade asked as she drove the HUMV home.
"It just feels like the right thing to do when the moment arises." he replied.
"I hardly think this is one of those appropriate situations for such an action. All I did was change the station, I don't like that song, it gets stuck in my head. Then the secret messages in the music tell me about which statues don't love me anymore. I have to run them down with the vehicle so that they will love me again. Usually I can ignore them but if the song gets stuck in my head, I have to eventually break down and listen."
Nikki interrupted. "Hey have you seen Tigerlily? I haven't seen her since we left."
Jade and Ethan looked around the vehicle. Suki's tail was hanging out of the open glove compartment, swaying slowly back and forth as she slept. If Suki could find somewhere she couldn't fit, she'd try to sleep there.
Cleopatra was apparently sleeping in the backseat curled up in a ball with one paw on the rocket launcher. "We really should get that away from her soon" Jade said. Cleopatra stirred for a moment, looked at Jade with big kitten eyes and made a short kitten squeak noise. "And by that I mean we should let her keep it." Cleopatra after hearing Jade, rested her head against her body and tried to go back to sleep.
"I'm not seeing her" Ethan said finally after looking everywhere in the vehicle. "Did we really leave her?" Cleopatra stirred again and pointed a paw at the roof of the car. "What are you trying to tell me Cleo, is Tigerlily trapped in a well?"
Jade said "No, check the roof, stick your head up the machine gun hole and see if she's up there."
"I got it" Nikki said as she climbed into the back of the vehicle and stuck her head up to view the roof. Tigerlily was sitting up there clenching the rack mounted on the roof with the wind blowing in her fur. She was wearing a set of tiny aviator goggles as well. She turned to look at Nikki, gave a salute with one of her paws and then turned back to face foward.
Nikki pulled her head back in before speaking. "She's on the roof wind surfing. Where did she get a pair of googles anyways?"
Ethan smiled. "Its good to see she still as a bit of energy in her still, she doesn't seem too happy much anymore."
Jade laughed to herself. "She's really happy when you try to feed her, but she has problems eating usually if anyone is within her comfort bubble. That is pretty much as big as the kitchen and dining area. It's been rumored you can watch her eat if you have a good pair of binoculars."
Then Ethan commented "Yes and she's patient too when it comes to food. You notice how she'll sit on the floor next to us when we're eating any meal at all staring the whole time. If you look at her, she'll look the other way as if she's trying to hide the fact she's staring, though not hiding it very well. If you break down and give her something, usually she'll sniff it, reject it, and walk away."
Nikki poked the tail swinging in front of her producing a meow from the glove compartment. "Suki's the one to watch out for, she'll walk by your food plate and just 'happen' to drop her tail in your food and leave it there till you shoo her away or give her the rest of what's on the plate."
Jade laughed. "It's really a shame that Suki shot out the tires on Amber's car. We aren't even in a rush to get home or anything."
"Well I have to turn in my quest as soon as.." Jade shushed Ethan before he could finish.
"Actually Jade, if you feel bad for Amber and all of them, why didn't you stop and pick them up?"
"Its not safe to have Millie around babies. Actually come to think of it, its not safe to be around Millie no matter who you are. The same thing could be said about Cleopatra" Jade looked in the back seat to make sure the rocket launcher wasn't pointed at the baby. "But Cleo is family. Nikki be a dear, make sure Cleo doesn't point her weapon at the baby if you could, I can't keep an eye on the road and on that kitten at the same time. We're almost home but I don't want to risk it."
Nikki looked over at Jade and shook her fist in the air. "You win this one, Petko!"
"Why do you always do that whenever you're showing you're displeased with something?" Jade asked as she drove the HUMV home.
"It just feels like the right thing to do when the moment arises." he replied.
"I hardly think this is one of those appropriate situations for such an action. All I did was change the station, I don't like that song, it gets stuck in my head. Then the secret messages in the music tell me about which statues don't love me anymore. I have to run them down with the vehicle so that they will love me again. Usually I can ignore them but if the song gets stuck in my head, I have to eventually break down and listen."
Nikki interrupted. "Hey have you seen Tigerlily? I haven't seen her since we left."
Jade and Ethan looked around the vehicle. Suki's tail was hanging out of the open glove compartment, swaying slowly back and forth as she slept. If Suki could find somewhere she couldn't fit, she'd try to sleep there.
Cleopatra was apparently sleeping in the backseat curled up in a ball with one paw on the rocket launcher. "We really should get that away from her soon" Jade said. Cleopatra stirred for a moment, looked at Jade with big kitten eyes and made a short kitten squeak noise. "And by that I mean we should let her keep it." Cleopatra after hearing Jade, rested her head against her body and tried to go back to sleep.
"I'm not seeing her" Ethan said finally after looking everywhere in the vehicle. "Did we really leave her?" Cleopatra stirred again and pointed a paw at the roof of the car. "What are you trying to tell me Cleo, is Tigerlily trapped in a well?"
Jade said "No, check the roof, stick your head up the machine gun hole and see if she's up there."
"I got it" Nikki said as she climbed into the back of the vehicle and stuck her head up to view the roof. Tigerlily was sitting up there clenching the rack mounted on the roof with the wind blowing in her fur. She was wearing a set of tiny aviator goggles as well. She turned to look at Nikki, gave a salute with one of her paws and then turned back to face foward.
Nikki pulled her head back in before speaking. "She's on the roof wind surfing. Where did she get a pair of googles anyways?"
Ethan smiled. "Its good to see she still as a bit of energy in her still, she doesn't seem too happy much anymore."
Jade laughed to herself. "She's really happy when you try to feed her, but she has problems eating usually if anyone is within her comfort bubble. That is pretty much as big as the kitchen and dining area. It's been rumored you can watch her eat if you have a good pair of binoculars."
Then Ethan commented "Yes and she's patient too when it comes to food. You notice how she'll sit on the floor next to us when we're eating any meal at all staring the whole time. If you look at her, she'll look the other way as if she's trying to hide the fact she's staring, though not hiding it very well. If you break down and give her something, usually she'll sniff it, reject it, and walk away."
Nikki poked the tail swinging in front of her producing a meow from the glove compartment. "Suki's the one to watch out for, she'll walk by your food plate and just 'happen' to drop her tail in your food and leave it there till you shoo her away or give her the rest of what's on the plate."
Jade laughed. "It's really a shame that Suki shot out the tires on Amber's car. We aren't even in a rush to get home or anything."
"Well I have to turn in my quest as soon as.." Jade shushed Ethan before he could finish.
"Actually Jade, if you feel bad for Amber and all of them, why didn't you stop and pick them up?"
"Its not safe to have Millie around babies. Actually come to think of it, its not safe to be around Millie no matter who you are. The same thing could be said about Cleopatra" Jade looked in the back seat to make sure the rocket launcher wasn't pointed at the baby. "But Cleo is family. Nikki be a dear, make sure Cleo doesn't point her weapon at the baby if you could, I can't keep an eye on the road and on that kitten at the same time. We're almost home but I don't want to risk it."
Nikki looked over at Jade and shook her fist in the air. "You win this one, Petko!"
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
Chapter 21: Dungeon Dive
"Well lets get on with this" Amber said as she herded everyone through the doorway and down some stairs. "And Jade's baby, you're wielding that dagger very well, a natural even."
"Are we sticking together in one big group?" Anna asked everyone.
Amber answered first. "Yes, its safest to traverse this place in one large group, safety in large numbers. That way if anything goes wrong, only a couple of us will die instead of...I'm not making a good argument am I?"
"But I thought that having to divide experience up like eight ways would not be very efficient" Anna responded.
"What are you talking about?" Jade inquired. "Does that even make sense to you? If we fight something, why would you learn less just because there's more people around. Chances are the lesson to be learned here is defeat the things that threaten you before they defeat you. That's not all that difficult of a concept to grasp." Her words carried a small amount of irritation as if she didn't quite understand herself why smaller groups seemed to get more experience from their adventures.
After a couple of battles with giant rats, some sort of cave dweller mutants, and for whatever reason a cult of clowns with extra large red shoes living in this dungeon, the group started to grow a little tired. They were about to rest when they came across another pair of cave dweller mutants. "Again prepare for battle folks" Amber yelled.
"No wait, I've already defeated the ten cave dweller mutants I need to complete the quest, I don't need any more!" Ethan said hurriedly before Amber engaged the mutants.
Amber spun around to face Ethan. "Wait, what? We're not going to attack the mutants because you've filled your quota for a quest you're on? How is it that this quest giver even knows you killed ten to begin with, its not like they're going to come out and check. And in the event that they did, why did they send us out here in the first place if they can just safely survey the body count. And besides that one mutant is looking at me funny."
Anna joined in. "Yeah actually why are we even here in the first place, I mean what would really motivate us to come here and do this. We're apparently in some sub-terran structure fighting all manner of creatures, putting our lives at risk, and for what?"
Ethan smiled. "That's easy, for the experience, and so we can say we completed this quest."
"Actually I'd prefer to be gaining experience at sunbathing on a beach in the Tropics" Anna commented. "Maybe attempting to complete the quest to drink another tropical rum & coke before dinner time."
Millie scratched her head. "Where do you even get a quest from in this day and age?"
"That creepy guy with the knife that lives behind the mall inside the old refrigerator box gave me the key and the quest" Ethan responded triumphantly.
"Yep that sounds like a nice and credible source, I'm glad we looked into this quest of yours before coming out all this way." Amber groaned. "What do you think?" she said pointing at one of the mutants.
"Me think you dum"
Ethan threw his hands to his sides. "Aw come on, not you guys too! Epic adventure, say it with me, E P I C .... A D V E N T U R E."
Nikki cut in. "Actually I've been dying to ask, why do you mutants, the clowns, and the giant rats all have their names floating over them like that in red letters?"
"It easier to identify that way"
"Yes but all of your names say 'a cave dweller mutant', that doesn't seem to be an effective means of differentiating yourselves" Nikki countered.
"Me not notice, hadn't been problem yet, how you know you kill right cave dweller for quest if not clearly identified?"
Nikki looked surprised. "What you're ok with us killing your people?"
"Me not want to die, but is part of quest, circle of life, must fulfill role, me always come back brand new in spot over there 5 minutes later anyways. It only hurt at first, get used to it"
Nikki shook her head. "You learn something new every day. Ok I think we're done here, run along you two!" Nikki motioned the two mutants to scurry off. "Alright Anna lets see if we can't go get some experience working a sun tan and work on your quest."
The group started to walk away when there was a loud explosion in the direction of the two mutants. Again everyone turned around to see Cleopatra dropping the rocket launcher. She looked up at everyone with an expression that conveyed "Not Fast Enough" and meowed innocently.
On the way back to the surface and the vehicles, the group passed a sign that said 'Restroom'. Ethan paused and said "I think I should use the restroom before we leave." He then started towards the entrance of the restroom.
Jade put her arm out quickly effectively clothes-lining Ethan. After helping him back up she said "Don't use a restroom in a dungeon, its a trap. Why would someone go through the trouble of installing a restroom in here?"
Ethan dusted himself off. "Well I'm going out on a limb here but maybe because the clowns, rats, and mutants need to go sometimes too. OK the rats pretty much go where ever they want, but the clowns and mutants must use it."
Jade frowned. "You make a compelling argument but I'd prefer if you waited just in case. I have a bad feeling about it and I can't quite put my finger on it."
Millie asked "Could it be that restroom is written in blood and is dripping on the floor?"
Amber walked over to Millie and bonked her on the head with the cardboard tube. "That's for being right. I thought we taught you better." Millie winced and rubbed her head. She then grabbed the cardboard tube and broke it over her knee before tossing the pieces aside.
Everyone then climbed up the stairs out back to the vehicles. As Jade got in the HUMV, she rolled down her window. She stuck her head out the window and said to Amber, "Race you home!" and then revved the engine.
"Are we sticking together in one big group?" Anna asked everyone.
Amber answered first. "Yes, its safest to traverse this place in one large group, safety in large numbers. That way if anything goes wrong, only a couple of us will die instead of...I'm not making a good argument am I?"
"But I thought that having to divide experience up like eight ways would not be very efficient" Anna responded.
"What are you talking about?" Jade inquired. "Does that even make sense to you? If we fight something, why would you learn less just because there's more people around. Chances are the lesson to be learned here is defeat the things that threaten you before they defeat you. That's not all that difficult of a concept to grasp." Her words carried a small amount of irritation as if she didn't quite understand herself why smaller groups seemed to get more experience from their adventures.
After a couple of battles with giant rats, some sort of cave dweller mutants, and for whatever reason a cult of clowns with extra large red shoes living in this dungeon, the group started to grow a little tired. They were about to rest when they came across another pair of cave dweller mutants. "Again prepare for battle folks" Amber yelled.
"No wait, I've already defeated the ten cave dweller mutants I need to complete the quest, I don't need any more!" Ethan said hurriedly before Amber engaged the mutants.
Amber spun around to face Ethan. "Wait, what? We're not going to attack the mutants because you've filled your quota for a quest you're on? How is it that this quest giver even knows you killed ten to begin with, its not like they're going to come out and check. And in the event that they did, why did they send us out here in the first place if they can just safely survey the body count. And besides that one mutant is looking at me funny."
Anna joined in. "Yeah actually why are we even here in the first place, I mean what would really motivate us to come here and do this. We're apparently in some sub-terran structure fighting all manner of creatures, putting our lives at risk, and for what?"
Ethan smiled. "That's easy, for the experience, and so we can say we completed this quest."
"Actually I'd prefer to be gaining experience at sunbathing on a beach in the Tropics" Anna commented. "Maybe attempting to complete the quest to drink another tropical rum & coke before dinner time."
Millie scratched her head. "Where do you even get a quest from in this day and age?"
"That creepy guy with the knife that lives behind the mall inside the old refrigerator box gave me the key and the quest" Ethan responded triumphantly.
"Yep that sounds like a nice and credible source, I'm glad we looked into this quest of yours before coming out all this way." Amber groaned. "What do you think?" she said pointing at one of the mutants.
"Me think you dum"
Ethan threw his hands to his sides. "Aw come on, not you guys too! Epic adventure, say it with me, E P I C .... A D V E N T U R E."
Nikki cut in. "Actually I've been dying to ask, why do you mutants, the clowns, and the giant rats all have their names floating over them like that in red letters?"
"It easier to identify that way"
"Yes but all of your names say 'a cave dweller mutant', that doesn't seem to be an effective means of differentiating yourselves" Nikki countered.
"Me not notice, hadn't been problem yet, how you know you kill right cave dweller for quest if not clearly identified?"
Nikki looked surprised. "What you're ok with us killing your people?"
"Me not want to die, but is part of quest, circle of life, must fulfill role, me always come back brand new in spot over there 5 minutes later anyways. It only hurt at first, get used to it"
Nikki shook her head. "You learn something new every day. Ok I think we're done here, run along you two!" Nikki motioned the two mutants to scurry off. "Alright Anna lets see if we can't go get some experience working a sun tan and work on your quest."
The group started to walk away when there was a loud explosion in the direction of the two mutants. Again everyone turned around to see Cleopatra dropping the rocket launcher. She looked up at everyone with an expression that conveyed "Not Fast Enough" and meowed innocently.
On the way back to the surface and the vehicles, the group passed a sign that said 'Restroom'. Ethan paused and said "I think I should use the restroom before we leave." He then started towards the entrance of the restroom.
Jade put her arm out quickly effectively clothes-lining Ethan. After helping him back up she said "Don't use a restroom in a dungeon, its a trap. Why would someone go through the trouble of installing a restroom in here?"
Ethan dusted himself off. "Well I'm going out on a limb here but maybe because the clowns, rats, and mutants need to go sometimes too. OK the rats pretty much go where ever they want, but the clowns and mutants must use it."
Jade frowned. "You make a compelling argument but I'd prefer if you waited just in case. I have a bad feeling about it and I can't quite put my finger on it."
Millie asked "Could it be that restroom is written in blood and is dripping on the floor?"
Amber walked over to Millie and bonked her on the head with the cardboard tube. "That's for being right. I thought we taught you better." Millie winced and rubbed her head. She then grabbed the cardboard tube and broke it over her knee before tossing the pieces aside.
Everyone then climbed up the stairs out back to the vehicles. As Jade got in the HUMV, she rolled down her window. She stuck her head out the window and said to Amber, "Race you home!" and then revved the engine.
Monday, November 12, 2007
Chapter 20: Special Delivery
Inspired by Issa
"Before we enter that door, whatever dangers await, Ethan I have something to tell you." Jade had blocked the door and was trying to get Ethan's attention. "I'm proud to announce a new edition to our family, we're having a baby."
Nikki punched Ethan hard in the stomach repeatedly. "ETHAN! Why didn't you tell me?"
"Stop that!" Everyone was staring at what must have been a funny scene. Ethan recovered from the onslaught dealt out by Nikki before speaking again. "What? It's news to me, this is the first time I've heard, which incidentally would be why Jade was saying she had something to tell me. That would imply I didn't know before hand."
Millie stepped forward and asked "So Jade, who's the father?"
Jade looked up confused. "What nonsense are you talking about? Where do you think babies come from?"
Millie smiled. "Well when a mommy and a daddy really love each other, the engage in the act of procreation. After that, the baby grows inside the mommy, developing for nine months before being born."
Amber walked over to Millie and bonked her on the head with the cardboard tube she was still holding. "Naive Millie, where did you hear such a story. You'll believe anything you're told won't you."
"The kids on the bus told me about babies" Millie responded.
"Aren't you a little old for school buses Millie?" Anna asked.
"Not on the school bus, the transit bus that runs through town. If that's not where babies come from, where do they come from?"
Jade laughed. "The storks bring babies to people, wrapped up in a blanket bundle."
"How.." Millie got bonked on the head again. "Let me finish the question before you bonk me. How.." The cardboard tube came down on Millie's head again. "Stop that!"
Amber gasped "Oh, sorry I'll wait this time."
Millie continued "How do the storks know you want a baby?" After she finished the sentence, Amber was waiting intently, and brought the tube down a little harder this time. "That's better."
Jade spoke again, "Back in the old days, you'd have to tell all your friends you wanted a baby, and hope that word got around. Modern days though, they run a website that allows you to customize your selection with drop down menus, animated images, you name it, pretty high tech stuff."
Anna walked over to her sister. "When is the baby due then?"
Jade looked at her wrist like she was wearing a watch even though she wasn't. She then licked her index finger and held it up to the wind. "I'd have to say right about ...now!" No sooner did Jade finish her sentence did a large stork wearing a jet pack start to descend from high in the sky. "See they don't even bother flying anymore, they're unionized and I guess too many were getting hurt flying with weight loads."
When the stork landed, it placed the bundle it was carrying at Jade's feet, ran a bar-code scanner along the side of the blanket and handed her a clipboard. Jade signed on the line at the bottom that she had received the baby. The stork checked the paperwork and stepped a few feet away and began to ascend with the jet pack again. As everyone watched, it got about 50 feet up before it was intercepted by a rocket fired from the vicinity of the vehicles. Everyone looked in that direction just in time to catch Cleopatra jumping off the hood.
Ethan said annoyed "What did I tell you about your 'No Witnesses' policy? Bad kitty!"
"Oh No!" Jade exclaimed.
"What's wrong?"
Jade was kneeling by the blanket bundle the stork had left on the ground. She stood with it in her hands pulling away the blankets to reveal a happy baby boy giggling at the attention. Anna looked closer. "He looks healthy to me "
Jade smiled "Yeah I guess he's fine." She rocked the baby back and forth in her arms. "It's just they messed up my order, I wanted a girl."
"Before we enter that door, whatever dangers await, Ethan I have something to tell you." Jade had blocked the door and was trying to get Ethan's attention. "I'm proud to announce a new edition to our family, we're having a baby."
Nikki punched Ethan hard in the stomach repeatedly. "ETHAN! Why didn't you tell me?"
"Stop that!" Everyone was staring at what must have been a funny scene. Ethan recovered from the onslaught dealt out by Nikki before speaking again. "What? It's news to me, this is the first time I've heard, which incidentally would be why Jade was saying she had something to tell me. That would imply I didn't know before hand."
Millie stepped forward and asked "So Jade, who's the father?"
Jade looked up confused. "What nonsense are you talking about? Where do you think babies come from?"
Millie smiled. "Well when a mommy and a daddy really love each other, the engage in the act of procreation. After that, the baby grows inside the mommy, developing for nine months before being born."
Amber walked over to Millie and bonked her on the head with the cardboard tube she was still holding. "Naive Millie, where did you hear such a story. You'll believe anything you're told won't you."
"The kids on the bus told me about babies" Millie responded.
"Aren't you a little old for school buses Millie?" Anna asked.
"Not on the school bus, the transit bus that runs through town. If that's not where babies come from, where do they come from?"
Jade laughed. "The storks bring babies to people, wrapped up in a blanket bundle."
"How.." Millie got bonked on the head again. "Let me finish the question before you bonk me. How.." The cardboard tube came down on Millie's head again. "Stop that!"
Amber gasped "Oh, sorry I'll wait this time."
Millie continued "How do the storks know you want a baby?" After she finished the sentence, Amber was waiting intently, and brought the tube down a little harder this time. "That's better."
Jade spoke again, "Back in the old days, you'd have to tell all your friends you wanted a baby, and hope that word got around. Modern days though, they run a website that allows you to customize your selection with drop down menus, animated images, you name it, pretty high tech stuff."
Anna walked over to her sister. "When is the baby due then?"
Jade looked at her wrist like she was wearing a watch even though she wasn't. She then licked her index finger and held it up to the wind. "I'd have to say right about ...now!" No sooner did Jade finish her sentence did a large stork wearing a jet pack start to descend from high in the sky. "See they don't even bother flying anymore, they're unionized and I guess too many were getting hurt flying with weight loads."
When the stork landed, it placed the bundle it was carrying at Jade's feet, ran a bar-code scanner along the side of the blanket and handed her a clipboard. Jade signed on the line at the bottom that she had received the baby. The stork checked the paperwork and stepped a few feet away and began to ascend with the jet pack again. As everyone watched, it got about 50 feet up before it was intercepted by a rocket fired from the vicinity of the vehicles. Everyone looked in that direction just in time to catch Cleopatra jumping off the hood.
Ethan said annoyed "What did I tell you about your 'No Witnesses' policy? Bad kitty!"
"Oh No!" Jade exclaimed.
"What's wrong?"
Jade was kneeling by the blanket bundle the stork had left on the ground. She stood with it in her hands pulling away the blankets to reveal a happy baby boy giggling at the attention. Anna looked closer. "He looks healthy to me "
Jade smiled "Yeah I guess he's fine." She rocked the baby back and forth in her arms. "It's just they messed up my order, I wanted a girl."
Saturday, November 10, 2007
Chapter 19: Few in Tutus and The Two too
Zane was awoken from a dream about a pair of ballerinas because of a loud knocking noise on the front door. He sat up in his bed. "Damn it, that was one of the best dreams ever." Again he heard a pounding on the door. "Fine, I'm coming already. You've already ruined everything" he shouted.
As Zane approached the front door wearing his pajamas and fuzzy slippers, a voice yelled through the door "Open up, its the Russians!"
"Honestly, you're not making a strong case for me to open it up" Zane responded back at the door. He quickly pulled off his pajama suit and slipped into a fresh suit he had hanging next to the door.
Once he was dressed fully, Zane opened the door to see what all the knocking was about. Two large Russian looking thugs 'Russiaed' in the open doorway. After giving each other a high five for the small Russian pun, one of them addressed Zane. "I am Special Agent Nikolas and this is my associate Special Agent Leon. We are here because we believe you are under the employ of subjects 24602, The Two."
Zane just about ignored what Special Agent Nikolas said. "Why were you knocking on my front door. There's a huge rocket launcher hole in the side of the house not more then three feet from the door. See!" Zane stepped outside through the hole and then back in. "In......" "......Out" He then disappeared out the hole in the wall.
Shortly after, there was a knock at the door. Agent Leon turned to the other russian and asked "Should we answer door?" Agent Nikolas nodded.
Before either could get to the door, Zane appeared and entered through the hole again. "Whatever though, I don't remember having any clients that call themselves the two."
Agent Leon said "No its capitalized like this, The Two!"
"OK but why are The Two so important that both of you needed to come here anyways. Why are you Russians really here?"
Agent Nikolas smiled. "That's easy, we're the villians."
Zane looked confused. "What? Why?...What?"
“Because we’re Russian. Haven’t you been paying attention to any American cinema in the last 60 years? Now pack your bags you're coming with us.”
Zane frowned. "You do know the cold war is over right?"
The two Russians looked at each other. "Nyet, we hadn't heard such nonsense. In mother Russia, all citizens are given assignments to do no good in America, it is national past time. Our mission is about The Two. Through The Two, we can create complete chaos. We will be heroes. Now into the car."
Zane was about to object, but the Russian Special Agents flashed something shiny and valuable at him. "Yeah maybe I'll see how all this resolves. You could have just said this was a business proposition. Now,” he said as they headed for the car, “I’ll need to draw up a contract. I won’t be held responsible for anything that in anyway could be construed as my fault unless there’s a gainful consequence.” He quickly finished drawing up the contract after they were in the car and driving away. Putting away his crayons, he held the paper out to one Special Agent and then the other. “If you’ll just initial here, and here, and here. Whoa. Keep your eyes on the road buddy. This isn’t TV. We could crash.”
They reached the Special Russian Facilities without incident, entering through a secret underground tunnel. Once inside the building, they passed several classrooms, including a lecture entitled Decapitation vs. Defenestration: How to Know Which Method is Right for You, before coming to a door with a sign The Two View Headquarters. “Are you ready to enter this door Special Consulting Agent Zane?” asked Special Agents Nikolas and Leon who had somehow managed to say that as the same exact time.
“I guess I’m ready. “
They opened the door and pushed Zane through.
As Zane approached the front door wearing his pajamas and fuzzy slippers, a voice yelled through the door "Open up, its the Russians!"
"Honestly, you're not making a strong case for me to open it up" Zane responded back at the door. He quickly pulled off his pajama suit and slipped into a fresh suit he had hanging next to the door.
Once he was dressed fully, Zane opened the door to see what all the knocking was about. Two large Russian looking thugs 'Russiaed' in the open doorway. After giving each other a high five for the small Russian pun, one of them addressed Zane. "I am Special Agent Nikolas and this is my associate Special Agent Leon. We are here because we believe you are under the employ of subjects 24602, The Two."
Zane just about ignored what Special Agent Nikolas said. "Why were you knocking on my front door. There's a huge rocket launcher hole in the side of the house not more then three feet from the door. See!" Zane stepped outside through the hole and then back in. "In......" "......Out" He then disappeared out the hole in the wall.
Shortly after, there was a knock at the door. Agent Leon turned to the other russian and asked "Should we answer door?" Agent Nikolas nodded.
Before either could get to the door, Zane appeared and entered through the hole again. "Whatever though, I don't remember having any clients that call themselves the two."
Agent Leon said "No its capitalized like this, The Two!"
"OK but why are The Two so important that both of you needed to come here anyways. Why are you Russians really here?"
Agent Nikolas smiled. "That's easy, we're the villians."
Zane looked confused. "What? Why?...What?"
“Because we’re Russian. Haven’t you been paying attention to any American cinema in the last 60 years? Now pack your bags you're coming with us.”
Zane frowned. "You do know the cold war is over right?"
The two Russians looked at each other. "Nyet, we hadn't heard such nonsense. In mother Russia, all citizens are given assignments to do no good in America, it is national past time. Our mission is about The Two. Through The Two, we can create complete chaos. We will be heroes. Now into the car."
Zane was about to object, but the Russian Special Agents flashed something shiny and valuable at him. "Yeah maybe I'll see how all this resolves. You could have just said this was a business proposition. Now,” he said as they headed for the car, “I’ll need to draw up a contract. I won’t be held responsible for anything that in anyway could be construed as my fault unless there’s a gainful consequence.” He quickly finished drawing up the contract after they were in the car and driving away. Putting away his crayons, he held the paper out to one Special Agent and then the other. “If you’ll just initial here, and here, and here. Whoa. Keep your eyes on the road buddy. This isn’t TV. We could crash.”
They reached the Special Russian Facilities without incident, entering through a secret underground tunnel. Once inside the building, they passed several classrooms, including a lecture entitled Decapitation vs. Defenestration: How to Know Which Method is Right for You, before coming to a door with a sign The Two View Headquarters. “Are you ready to enter this door Special Consulting Agent Zane?” asked Special Agents Nikolas and Leon who had somehow managed to say that as the same exact time.
“I guess I’m ready. “
They opened the door and pushed Zane through.
Thursday, November 8, 2007
Chapter 18: Epic Encounter
"Jade and Ethan, are you following us?" Amber asked. Both vehicles had come to a stop and parked in front of a little shed just north of the town of Blarg.
Ethan said sarcastically, "I kind of figured the whole right behind you for the last couple hours of driving would probably have been an indication." Both groups had completely exited the vehicles and were all standing close to an old rusty door. The door also had a keyhole in it near the door knob. "And besides you must have noticed us to take it upon yourself to launch dead weasels at us. By the way, you'll have to tell me where you got that launcher installed, something like that could be very useful."
Amber acted all excited suddenly. "I know! The guy that installed that usually does newspaper launchers for bikes of paperboys. He told me that cars are much better suited for such devices. He was able to add a little more firing power because of the more stable base my car provided. I'll have to have some choice words with him about the ammo not staying alive though."
Nikki interrupted. "We're all here for a reason, lets get on with it already." Nikki drew her katanas from their sheaths and stood at the ready.
Amber walked calmly over to Nikki. "Will you be patient, we're talking here." With that, she bonked Nikki on the head with a cardboard tube. Amber started to step back but Nikki was too fast, reducing the cardboard tube to ribbons with a couple of fluid movements of her katanas.
"Someone is a little antsy isn't she?" Amber said hurtfully as she tossed the stump of cardboard in her hand to the ground. "Luckily I have two" she added pulling another cardboard tube out from behind her and bonking Nikki on the head again.
Nikki groaned and re-sheathed her swords. "Fine, carry on with your 'little' conversation, I'll wait." She then proceeded to give as menacing a glare as she could at Amber.
"So can we borrow Suki and Tigerlily when we go inside?" Amber asked. She glanced over at Tigerlily who was somehow making a more menacing glare then Nikki was doing.
"I don't really think they're going want to help you any after Anna tried to send them to Zane's for a couple days" Ethan commented.
Anna looked dejected. "It seemed like a good idea at the time, but seeing as you managed to find them, it didn't work out as well as was planned. I would have gotten away with it if it weren't for your meddling cats." Anna's reflexes took over as she instinctively dodged a flying rubber duck hurled at her from off to the side. "Who threw that?!" she asked looking over in that direction where the three cats were all sitting innocently on the hood of the HUMV. Cleopatra pointed at Nikki with a paw.
Nikki seeing that Cleopatra was pointing at her spoke up again. "Cleo! That's not funny, I'm just over here minding my business and trying to stare down Amber, the last thing I need is to be blamed for something I didn't do. Anna don't listen to her, see that pile of rubber ducks on the hood with them, it obviously came from them." Suki picked up a rubber duck and nailed Nikki in the head with it without even breaking the slightest hint of an expression on her face. It was at this point that Tigerlily made a loud angry meow and backhanded Suki with her paw. "Thanks Tigerlily!"
While Cleo and Nikki were making faces at each other, Millie's curiosity got the better of her about Anna and Jade. Millie calmly grabbed Anna's hand and dragged Anna over next to Jade. The similarity was astounding. "I'm going to close my eyes and when I reopen them, I want you two to have mixed yourself up and I'll try to guess which is which." Millie then closed her eyes excitedly.
The sisters looked at each other. One grappled Millie while the other started to punch her in the stomach over and over again. Anna then said "Which one of us is beating the crap out of you?"
"Both?"
"So we going to go inside or what?" Amber asked. She walked over to the door and placed the key she had received from Ethan into the lock on the door and turned it. The door creaked open revealing a set of stairs leading down into darkness. "You know I'm pretty sure if I had leaned on this door, it would have broke, this seems so anti-climatic."
Ethan sighed. "Nobody believes in doing things by the book anymore. You get some epic key that opens an epic door that is reached by traveling great ...epic distances on a journey that is itself epic and paramount and profound and....." He pauses for a second. "Though I have to admit that the speeding here in vehicles probably cut a little bit of senseless random encounters out of the equation. What would have been like a 3 week journey took a couple hours. But still this is epic in and of itself, look its a door, and it had a lock that needed a key, and we uh had the key and we used it and it was epic and ......." Amber was tapping her foot impatiently. Finally Ethan added "Fine lets just go in."
Ethan said sarcastically, "I kind of figured the whole right behind you for the last couple hours of driving would probably have been an indication." Both groups had completely exited the vehicles and were all standing close to an old rusty door. The door also had a keyhole in it near the door knob. "And besides you must have noticed us to take it upon yourself to launch dead weasels at us. By the way, you'll have to tell me where you got that launcher installed, something like that could be very useful."
Amber acted all excited suddenly. "I know! The guy that installed that usually does newspaper launchers for bikes of paperboys. He told me that cars are much better suited for such devices. He was able to add a little more firing power because of the more stable base my car provided. I'll have to have some choice words with him about the ammo not staying alive though."
Nikki interrupted. "We're all here for a reason, lets get on with it already." Nikki drew her katanas from their sheaths and stood at the ready.
Amber walked calmly over to Nikki. "Will you be patient, we're talking here." With that, she bonked Nikki on the head with a cardboard tube. Amber started to step back but Nikki was too fast, reducing the cardboard tube to ribbons with a couple of fluid movements of her katanas.
"Someone is a little antsy isn't she?" Amber said hurtfully as she tossed the stump of cardboard in her hand to the ground. "Luckily I have two" she added pulling another cardboard tube out from behind her and bonking Nikki on the head again.
Nikki groaned and re-sheathed her swords. "Fine, carry on with your 'little' conversation, I'll wait." She then proceeded to give as menacing a glare as she could at Amber.
"So can we borrow Suki and Tigerlily when we go inside?" Amber asked. She glanced over at Tigerlily who was somehow making a more menacing glare then Nikki was doing.
"I don't really think they're going want to help you any after Anna tried to send them to Zane's for a couple days" Ethan commented.
Anna looked dejected. "It seemed like a good idea at the time, but seeing as you managed to find them, it didn't work out as well as was planned. I would have gotten away with it if it weren't for your meddling cats." Anna's reflexes took over as she instinctively dodged a flying rubber duck hurled at her from off to the side. "Who threw that?!" she asked looking over in that direction where the three cats were all sitting innocently on the hood of the HUMV. Cleopatra pointed at Nikki with a paw.
Nikki seeing that Cleopatra was pointing at her spoke up again. "Cleo! That's not funny, I'm just over here minding my business and trying to stare down Amber, the last thing I need is to be blamed for something I didn't do. Anna don't listen to her, see that pile of rubber ducks on the hood with them, it obviously came from them." Suki picked up a rubber duck and nailed Nikki in the head with it without even breaking the slightest hint of an expression on her face. It was at this point that Tigerlily made a loud angry meow and backhanded Suki with her paw. "Thanks Tigerlily!"
While Cleo and Nikki were making faces at each other, Millie's curiosity got the better of her about Anna and Jade. Millie calmly grabbed Anna's hand and dragged Anna over next to Jade. The similarity was astounding. "I'm going to close my eyes and when I reopen them, I want you two to have mixed yourself up and I'll try to guess which is which." Millie then closed her eyes excitedly.
The sisters looked at each other. One grappled Millie while the other started to punch her in the stomach over and over again. Anna then said "Which one of us is beating the crap out of you?"
"Both?"
"So we going to go inside or what?" Amber asked. She walked over to the door and placed the key she had received from Ethan into the lock on the door and turned it. The door creaked open revealing a set of stairs leading down into darkness. "You know I'm pretty sure if I had leaned on this door, it would have broke, this seems so anti-climatic."
Ethan sighed. "Nobody believes in doing things by the book anymore. You get some epic key that opens an epic door that is reached by traveling great ...epic distances on a journey that is itself epic and paramount and profound and....." He pauses for a second. "Though I have to admit that the speeding here in vehicles probably cut a little bit of senseless random encounters out of the equation. What would have been like a 3 week journey took a couple hours. But still this is epic in and of itself, look its a door, and it had a lock that needed a key, and we uh had the key and we used it and it was epic and ......." Amber was tapping her foot impatiently. Finally Ethan added "Fine lets just go in."
Wednesday, November 7, 2007
Chapter 17: The Chase
Millie looked out the back window of the car that she was riding in. Anna sat in the passenger seat and Amber was driving. "Are we being followed by a yellow HUMV?" Millie asked.
Amber groaned. "Yes for like 40 miles now. Remember that leisurely drive through the market place in that last town, they were right behind us the whole way."
"Really? Why am I just noticing?"
Anna laughed. "Because you're about as observant as Ethan is. We keep you around for a good laugh every so often."
Millie frowned. "My mind just wanders easy, I can't help it. So who exactly is in that vehicle that they would be following us so closely?"
Anna glanced out the back window and said "The HUMV is my sister Jade's, she's such a goodie goodie, try as I may, I never could get her to participate in my schemes. Having an identical twin even if she is the evil one isn't any fun if she doesn't help with my trouble making."
Amber asked "So Jade is the evil one?"
"Well its not me!" Anna replied. Amber just rolled her eyes and continued to speed down a busy sidewalk. "What, are you trying to tell me something?" Amber shook her head.
Millie again spoke up. "It looks like Jade isn't alone either."
"If Jade is in hot pursuit, she must have Ethan and Nikki with her."
Millie kept staring out the back window. "I think I see some cats sitting on the dashboard, one's flipping me off."
Amber groaned. "I thought you told me that you took care of the cats already Anna!"
"I did, I left them off at the lawyer's house. He is easily manipulated, I think he thought by taking the cats off my hands for a couple days, he would earn a new client. Foolish at best. I thought that his security systems would prevent escape and detection."
"Well you thought wrong, this complicates things."
"Most likely Cleopatra figured a way to get a message out to Ethan and Nikki. How was I supposed to foresee that happening?"
"This is Cleopatra we're talking about. Did you remember to check to make sure that Zane didn't have any toasters available" Amber asked suspiciously.
Anna looked down at her lap, "No I forgot."
"YOU FORGOT!" Amber screamed. She lowered her voice a little bit and added "And maybe I'll forget to NOT eject you and your seat from the vehicle" as she put her hand on the ejector button for the passenger seat.
"Sorry, I'll pay better attention next time."
Amber moved her hand off the button. "Well I guess I'll need you to use the key anyway but don't screw up again! We're in a tough spot now. They've got an obvious advantage with the cats, but I think we can still manage to pull this off."
Millie inquired "Doesn't this vehicle have any kind of weapons equipped?"
Amber thought for a second and then commented "Most of the weapons are on the front part of the vehicle but I did have a rapid fire crazed weasel launcher installed in the trunk. That might do the trick."
Amber reached down between the seats and yanked the trunk release. The trunk hood moments later ejected high into the air flying way over the pursuing HUMV. She then turned a switch on her dashboard activating the rapid fire crazed weasel launcher. The launcher raised out of the back of the trunk and started to auto-fire. Millie stated "Those weasels don't look very crazed."
Amber frowned. "I guess since I installed that system a couple weeks ago the weasels didn't fair so well since then in the trunk. Weasel have no shelf life at all."
She was cut off by the sound of rapid machine gun fire. Checking the rear view mirror, she saw that the black cat, Suki, was manning the mounted machine gun and was doing a pretty good job of fending off the onslaught of weasels.
Amber turned the switch back to the off position which lowered the weasel launcher back into the trunk. "Worth a shot, we're almost there though, ready your weapons."
Amber groaned. "Yes for like 40 miles now. Remember that leisurely drive through the market place in that last town, they were right behind us the whole way."
"Really? Why am I just noticing?"
Anna laughed. "Because you're about as observant as Ethan is. We keep you around for a good laugh every so often."
Millie frowned. "My mind just wanders easy, I can't help it. So who exactly is in that vehicle that they would be following us so closely?"
Anna glanced out the back window and said "The HUMV is my sister Jade's, she's such a goodie goodie, try as I may, I never could get her to participate in my schemes. Having an identical twin even if she is the evil one isn't any fun if she doesn't help with my trouble making."
Amber asked "So Jade is the evil one?"
"Well its not me!" Anna replied. Amber just rolled her eyes and continued to speed down a busy sidewalk. "What, are you trying to tell me something?" Amber shook her head.
Millie again spoke up. "It looks like Jade isn't alone either."
"If Jade is in hot pursuit, she must have Ethan and Nikki with her."
Millie kept staring out the back window. "I think I see some cats sitting on the dashboard, one's flipping me off."
Amber groaned. "I thought you told me that you took care of the cats already Anna!"
"I did, I left them off at the lawyer's house. He is easily manipulated, I think he thought by taking the cats off my hands for a couple days, he would earn a new client. Foolish at best. I thought that his security systems would prevent escape and detection."
"Well you thought wrong, this complicates things."
"Most likely Cleopatra figured a way to get a message out to Ethan and Nikki. How was I supposed to foresee that happening?"
"This is Cleopatra we're talking about. Did you remember to check to make sure that Zane didn't have any toasters available" Amber asked suspiciously.
Anna looked down at her lap, "No I forgot."
"YOU FORGOT!" Amber screamed. She lowered her voice a little bit and added "And maybe I'll forget to NOT eject you and your seat from the vehicle" as she put her hand on the ejector button for the passenger seat.
"Sorry, I'll pay better attention next time."
Amber moved her hand off the button. "Well I guess I'll need you to use the key anyway but don't screw up again! We're in a tough spot now. They've got an obvious advantage with the cats, but I think we can still manage to pull this off."
Millie inquired "Doesn't this vehicle have any kind of weapons equipped?"
Amber thought for a second and then commented "Most of the weapons are on the front part of the vehicle but I did have a rapid fire crazed weasel launcher installed in the trunk. That might do the trick."
Amber reached down between the seats and yanked the trunk release. The trunk hood moments later ejected high into the air flying way over the pursuing HUMV. She then turned a switch on her dashboard activating the rapid fire crazed weasel launcher. The launcher raised out of the back of the trunk and started to auto-fire. Millie stated "Those weasels don't look very crazed."
Amber frowned. "I guess since I installed that system a couple weeks ago the weasels didn't fair so well since then in the trunk. Weasel have no shelf life at all."
She was cut off by the sound of rapid machine gun fire. Checking the rear view mirror, she saw that the black cat, Suki, was manning the mounted machine gun and was doing a pretty good job of fending off the onslaught of weasels.
Amber turned the switch back to the off position which lowered the weasel launcher back into the trunk. "Worth a shot, we're almost there though, ready your weapons."
Tuesday, November 6, 2007
Chapter 16: All in a Days Work
Walter didn't hear the alarm going off. He usually didn't hear it, and so it didn't do a very good job of waking him up. After about 15 minutes, he finally became aware of the alarm, but it wasn't because it had awoke him, it was because his bed was on fire. A more accurate description would be that the fire awoke Walter but the fire alarm was still going off. "Geez not again!"
Walter rolled out of bed, getting out from underneath the burning sheets. This wasn't the first time his bed caught on fire and so he grabbed the easily accessible fire extinguisher out from underneath. "One of these days I'm going to have to figure out why that keeps happening. Maybe the candles I keep lit on top of the sheets are attracting whoever keeps lighting my bed on fire. That's probably it, because the nights I don't light the candles, no one sets my bed on fire."
He looked around, it was light outside already. A quick glance at the clock and he started to panic. "Crap I'm late for work!" Walter started to get dressed quickly. His job was important, and being late to work meant not getting paid at all. His position was very time critical. One could equate his job to having to press a red button at exactly the same time every day to avoid a nuclear plant from melting down. Too soon, and nothing happens, a minute too late and you're out of a job, and your hair starts falling out, and your face melts off, and you glow. Yes, Walter's job was pivotal and he was not going to make it on time unless he hurried.
"I'll have to take the glide wire out my window to get to the street faster. No time to walk down the flights of stairs, and besides its fun." Walter hadn't quite mastered the glide wire that was installed at his bedroom window. The wire worked simple enough, you attach a little mini rig to the wire, hold on tight and glide down to the ground. It was a pretty safe device with automatic shock dampeners and braking capacity, no one should get hurt using it. But this was Walter.
As he approached the window and the descent device, he tripped, missed the device and fell straight out the open window. He fell a couple stories into a garbage dumpster filled with razor blades and used needles in the back alley behind his house.
Actually usually it was filled with razor blades and used needles. Walter was surprised to find that today it was filled with fluffy pillows apparently stuffed with twenty dollar bills, non-sequential and untraceable.
Two of the gangsters standing near the dumpster fished Walter out. "Walter our dearest friend, on behalf of the family, we would like to apologize that your normal dumpster filled with razor blades and needles could not be available to you on this the day that is most commonly known as Tuesday. We deeply regret to have put you at a disadvantage as to not be able to rely on our dumpster services. There was a mix up our warehouse and we were on the way over to correct it this moment."
Walter dusted himself off, pulling a couple 20s out of the folds of his uniform and placed them in one of the gangster's hands. "No problem fellas, I'm not going to say anything to your boss."
"Thank you Walter, you have done us a great service this day. But aren't you're late for work?, you better get a move on." And with that Walter hurried off towards the street and got on his little motor scooter. With any luck he'd be able to make it to the market district in time.
After a quick ride across town, Walter arrived at the market district with a couple minutes to spare. He parked his scooter and locked it up to a tree with some duct tape, wire, a sledge hammer, and some chewing gum. He found his balloon and creme pie vendor cart and wheeled it over towards the main road. Checking his watch, he noticed he still had a couple minutes left.
Finally being able to take a breath, Walter looked around. The market was already filled with activity. A glass moving company was unloading a long pane of glass off their truck. People selling baskets and other cheap imitation items were spread all around with a decent crowd of people pretending to browse the items. Off to the side, a group of market workers were piling up some crates filled with goods from a wagon filled with similarly marked crates.
Curiosity overtook Walter, and he wheeled his cart in the direction of the market workers. "You guys here for the job?" he asked.
"What, oh yes, that's right" one of them responded back to Walter not even looking up for more then a glance.
Walter looked at one of the boxes reading the side, "Marbles? Must be an expensive client."
"Yeah, we get them every once and a while. We also have some chickens too to go with the marbles." Walter looked confused. The worker added "Don't ask me, just bringing what we're told where we're told. We should get back to work though. Well good luck."
Walter nodded. "You too." He then wheeled his cart over a little bit, and checked his watch one last time. The glass movers were crossing the road now heading for a shop which had lost their window a couple days past in a robbery. "Alright, here we go." Walter started to cross the market place announcing the sale of creme pies and balloons.
Then he heard the revving of motors and some loud crashes. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw a beat up silver Cadillac and a yellow HUMV come crashing through the pile of crates and the cart that was also holding crates. The crates burst sending marbles and chicken feathers everywhere. Walter dove hard backwards as the vehicles took out his vendor cart next splattering pies all over both vehicles and releasing all of his balloons into the air. Then of course there was the sound of shattering glass as the two vehicles raced through the pane of glass because the workers were midway across the market square. And in another moment, when all the dust, pies, marbles, glass, and feathers settled, both vehicles were long gone.
A man came out of one of the buildings and announced "Thank you all, pick up your checks here and we'll see you next time."
Walter grinned picking himself up off the ground and headed towards the man with the checks. He was happy he made it on time because he really needed the money. Sure the job was dangerous and sometimes infrequent but it suited him just fine.
Walter reached the man and received his check. The man looked at Walter as he handed him the check, "All in a days work, right?"
Walter rolled out of bed, getting out from underneath the burning sheets. This wasn't the first time his bed caught on fire and so he grabbed the easily accessible fire extinguisher out from underneath. "One of these days I'm going to have to figure out why that keeps happening. Maybe the candles I keep lit on top of the sheets are attracting whoever keeps lighting my bed on fire. That's probably it, because the nights I don't light the candles, no one sets my bed on fire."
He looked around, it was light outside already. A quick glance at the clock and he started to panic. "Crap I'm late for work!" Walter started to get dressed quickly. His job was important, and being late to work meant not getting paid at all. His position was very time critical. One could equate his job to having to press a red button at exactly the same time every day to avoid a nuclear plant from melting down. Too soon, and nothing happens, a minute too late and you're out of a job, and your hair starts falling out, and your face melts off, and you glow. Yes, Walter's job was pivotal and he was not going to make it on time unless he hurried.
"I'll have to take the glide wire out my window to get to the street faster. No time to walk down the flights of stairs, and besides its fun." Walter hadn't quite mastered the glide wire that was installed at his bedroom window. The wire worked simple enough, you attach a little mini rig to the wire, hold on tight and glide down to the ground. It was a pretty safe device with automatic shock dampeners and braking capacity, no one should get hurt using it. But this was Walter.
As he approached the window and the descent device, he tripped, missed the device and fell straight out the open window. He fell a couple stories into a garbage dumpster filled with razor blades and used needles in the back alley behind his house.
Actually usually it was filled with razor blades and used needles. Walter was surprised to find that today it was filled with fluffy pillows apparently stuffed with twenty dollar bills, non-sequential and untraceable.
Two of the gangsters standing near the dumpster fished Walter out. "Walter our dearest friend, on behalf of the family, we would like to apologize that your normal dumpster filled with razor blades and needles could not be available to you on this the day that is most commonly known as Tuesday. We deeply regret to have put you at a disadvantage as to not be able to rely on our dumpster services. There was a mix up our warehouse and we were on the way over to correct it this moment."
Walter dusted himself off, pulling a couple 20s out of the folds of his uniform and placed them in one of the gangster's hands. "No problem fellas, I'm not going to say anything to your boss."
"Thank you Walter, you have done us a great service this day. But aren't you're late for work?, you better get a move on." And with that Walter hurried off towards the street and got on his little motor scooter. With any luck he'd be able to make it to the market district in time.
After a quick ride across town, Walter arrived at the market district with a couple minutes to spare. He parked his scooter and locked it up to a tree with some duct tape, wire, a sledge hammer, and some chewing gum. He found his balloon and creme pie vendor cart and wheeled it over towards the main road. Checking his watch, he noticed he still had a couple minutes left.
Finally being able to take a breath, Walter looked around. The market was already filled with activity. A glass moving company was unloading a long pane of glass off their truck. People selling baskets and other cheap imitation items were spread all around with a decent crowd of people pretending to browse the items. Off to the side, a group of market workers were piling up some crates filled with goods from a wagon filled with similarly marked crates.
Curiosity overtook Walter, and he wheeled his cart in the direction of the market workers. "You guys here for the job?" he asked.
"What, oh yes, that's right" one of them responded back to Walter not even looking up for more then a glance.
Walter looked at one of the boxes reading the side, "Marbles? Must be an expensive client."
"Yeah, we get them every once and a while. We also have some chickens too to go with the marbles." Walter looked confused. The worker added "Don't ask me, just bringing what we're told where we're told. We should get back to work though. Well good luck."
Walter nodded. "You too." He then wheeled his cart over a little bit, and checked his watch one last time. The glass movers were crossing the road now heading for a shop which had lost their window a couple days past in a robbery. "Alright, here we go." Walter started to cross the market place announcing the sale of creme pies and balloons.
Then he heard the revving of motors and some loud crashes. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw a beat up silver Cadillac and a yellow HUMV come crashing through the pile of crates and the cart that was also holding crates. The crates burst sending marbles and chicken feathers everywhere. Walter dove hard backwards as the vehicles took out his vendor cart next splattering pies all over both vehicles and releasing all of his balloons into the air. Then of course there was the sound of shattering glass as the two vehicles raced through the pane of glass because the workers were midway across the market square. And in another moment, when all the dust, pies, marbles, glass, and feathers settled, both vehicles were long gone.
A man came out of one of the buildings and announced "Thank you all, pick up your checks here and we'll see you next time."
Walter grinned picking himself up off the ground and headed towards the man with the checks. He was happy he made it on time because he really needed the money. Sure the job was dangerous and sometimes infrequent but it suited him just fine.
Walter reached the man and received his check. The man looked at Walter as he handed him the check, "All in a days work, right?"
Monday, November 5, 2007
Chapter 15: Followed
"Where's the car?" Ethan said aloud in a rather panicked voice. "It's not where we left it."
There was a tug on Ethan's pant leg. Looking down, he was staring at a little gray kitten, a larger gray cat, and a black cat. "Cleo, where's the car?" Cleopatra sat on her back legs and pointed her paw at the other side of the parking lot. In that direction was a large pile of burning green car pieces sending a plume of black smoke high into the air. "Cleo!"
Tigerlily gave off an angry sounding meow noise and Suki just kind of stared intently at Ethan and Nikki. Cleopatra looked up with big apologetic kitten eyes. Nikki broke the silence. "She's SO cute, you can stay mad at her when she does that can you?" Cleopatra sealed the deal when she made a short little high pitched meow noise.
Ethan's frown broke into a smile. "Yeah Cleo, next time you borrow the car though, could you bring it back working still?" Cleopatra produced another high pitched meow noise and then climbed up Ethan's leg and his back before settling on his shoulder. Ethan continued "We're going to need some form of transportation now."
"It's taken care of." The voice originated from another vehicle, a large yellow HUMV with a menacing mounted machine gun on the roof, that had just pulled up. "You need a lift folks?"
"Jade! You're back!" Ethan said as he leaned into the window of the Hum-V and kissed his wife. "Yes, the cats blew up my car again."
Jade laughed and smiled a huge smile. "Well everyone get in then!" Ethan and Nikki tossed the three cats in the front seat and all of the weapons and equipment they had just bought into the back of the vehicle.
"Cleo, we purchased you some more rockets for that rocket launcher, tell me that survived". Cleopatra again meowed a high pitch noise and produced the rocket launcher from inside Suki's fur. "What? How is that even possible?" Cleopatra only responded with another meow. Ethan tossed the weapon in the back and then sat down in the front. "Jade, amazing timing, glad you caught up before we left."
"I cut my trip short, I just got a bad feeling something wasn't right back here. Where are we heading?"
Ethan looked over. "We've got to catch up with the Millie, Anna, and your sister. They're heading for the town of Blarg with the key I gave them."
Jade frowned. "In that case, we're going to have to get rid of the mime. It's illegal to be a mime there and he'd be killed on sight. We'd be imprisoned for aiding him."
Ethan looked confused. "What Mime?"
Jade pointed in Ethan's direction. "The one sitting next to you and Nikki."
Ethan looked over by the door. There was a mime sitting next to him. "Woah how long has he been there?"
It was Nikki's turn to look confused. "What, he's been following you for at least a day now, you're telling me you hadn't noticed him this entire time. He was in the backseat in the car yesterday, came into the house with you when you got home, and followed you around there till you went to bed. He stood in the closet while you slept. He helped us move the bodies and handed you the phone when it rang this morning, though apparently he was stuck inside some sort of box or something. He was in the car today when we picked up the cats from Zane's. He even followed us around the store, apparently in some sort of unseen wind storm though, and just now he helped load the back of the vehicle with our purchases.
Ethan asked "Why didn't you say something?"
Nikki said "I thought you knew him and that he was with you."
"No he's not with me, and I hadn't noticed him up until now."
Jade sounded a little irritated. "Well whoever he is, get rid of him." Cleopatra was already in action behind him pulling the piano wire tight around the mime's neck. After a short struggle, the mime slumped over silently. "Thanks Cleo, he would have wanted to go out that way." Ethan opened up the door and pushed the mime out, closing it behind him.
Ethan looked out the window at the body. "I miss him already."
Nikki laughed. "You do not, you didn't even know him."
"I feel like I did, well off we go then. I just had this feeling of loss, its gone now." The Hummer started to move forward, heading for the highway on its way to Blarg. "You know what they say though, a Mime is a terrible thing to waste."
Everyone groaned and Nikki punched Ethan in the stomach just for a little extra emphasis.
There was a tug on Ethan's pant leg. Looking down, he was staring at a little gray kitten, a larger gray cat, and a black cat. "Cleo, where's the car?" Cleopatra sat on her back legs and pointed her paw at the other side of the parking lot. In that direction was a large pile of burning green car pieces sending a plume of black smoke high into the air. "Cleo!"
Tigerlily gave off an angry sounding meow noise and Suki just kind of stared intently at Ethan and Nikki. Cleopatra looked up with big apologetic kitten eyes. Nikki broke the silence. "She's SO cute, you can stay mad at her when she does that can you?" Cleopatra sealed the deal when she made a short little high pitched meow noise.
Ethan's frown broke into a smile. "Yeah Cleo, next time you borrow the car though, could you bring it back working still?" Cleopatra produced another high pitched meow noise and then climbed up Ethan's leg and his back before settling on his shoulder. Ethan continued "We're going to need some form of transportation now."
"It's taken care of." The voice originated from another vehicle, a large yellow HUMV with a menacing mounted machine gun on the roof, that had just pulled up. "You need a lift folks?"
"Jade! You're back!" Ethan said as he leaned into the window of the Hum-V and kissed his wife. "Yes, the cats blew up my car again."
Jade laughed and smiled a huge smile. "Well everyone get in then!" Ethan and Nikki tossed the three cats in the front seat and all of the weapons and equipment they had just bought into the back of the vehicle.
"Cleo, we purchased you some more rockets for that rocket launcher, tell me that survived". Cleopatra again meowed a high pitch noise and produced the rocket launcher from inside Suki's fur. "What? How is that even possible?" Cleopatra only responded with another meow. Ethan tossed the weapon in the back and then sat down in the front. "Jade, amazing timing, glad you caught up before we left."
"I cut my trip short, I just got a bad feeling something wasn't right back here. Where are we heading?"
Ethan looked over. "We've got to catch up with the Millie, Anna, and your sister. They're heading for the town of Blarg with the key I gave them."
Jade frowned. "In that case, we're going to have to get rid of the mime. It's illegal to be a mime there and he'd be killed on sight. We'd be imprisoned for aiding him."
Ethan looked confused. "What Mime?"
Jade pointed in Ethan's direction. "The one sitting next to you and Nikki."
Ethan looked over by the door. There was a mime sitting next to him. "Woah how long has he been there?"
It was Nikki's turn to look confused. "What, he's been following you for at least a day now, you're telling me you hadn't noticed him this entire time. He was in the backseat in the car yesterday, came into the house with you when you got home, and followed you around there till you went to bed. He stood in the closet while you slept. He helped us move the bodies and handed you the phone when it rang this morning, though apparently he was stuck inside some sort of box or something. He was in the car today when we picked up the cats from Zane's. He even followed us around the store, apparently in some sort of unseen wind storm though, and just now he helped load the back of the vehicle with our purchases.
Ethan asked "Why didn't you say something?"
Nikki said "I thought you knew him and that he was with you."
"No he's not with me, and I hadn't noticed him up until now."
Jade sounded a little irritated. "Well whoever he is, get rid of him." Cleopatra was already in action behind him pulling the piano wire tight around the mime's neck. After a short struggle, the mime slumped over silently. "Thanks Cleo, he would have wanted to go out that way." Ethan opened up the door and pushed the mime out, closing it behind him.
Ethan looked out the window at the body. "I miss him already."
Nikki laughed. "You do not, you didn't even know him."
"I feel like I did, well off we go then. I just had this feeling of loss, its gone now." The Hummer started to move forward, heading for the highway on its way to Blarg. "You know what they say though, a Mime is a terrible thing to waste."
Everyone groaned and Nikki punched Ethan in the stomach just for a little extra emphasis.
Friday, November 2, 2007
Chapter 14: Slashing Prices
"Do you hear police sirens?" Nikki asked Ethan as they walked through Walled-mart browsing some of the racks.
"Yes I do, but that couldn't possibly be related to leaving the keys in the ignition with the cats in the back seat, right?" He didn't sound very sure of himself and was looking for a reassurance from Nikki.
She just shook her head before saying "Oh look at this shirt, isn't it cute?"
Ethan shook his head. "We're not here the buy clothing, we're here to get supplies for the trip. The girls have at least a couple hours head start on us and we'll need to make up that time as soon as we've got all the supplies we need. Now lets head over to the dairy section."
Upon arriving at the dairy aisle, Ethan pushed in on one of the egg cartons. There was a mechanical click as the floor opened up nearby and a set of stairs were revealed descending downward. It was a little known fact that there was a military surplus cache underneath every Walled-mart accessible from near the milks. When Ethan told people he was "Lactose Intolerant", what he was really trying to tell them is that he doesn't react well to being shot repeatedly in the chest.
"Now remember, we're going to need a large amount of guns if we're going to survive where we're going, its a rough place that's for sure. And cold steel too" Ethan said as he browsed the Uzis on display.
"While we're here, we should check up on whether my twin Katanas are finished. I dropped them off last week to get the edges sharpened." Nikki walked over to the customer service desk and withdrew her claim ticket from the inside of her thigh highs.
"Can I help you?" the clerk said.
"Yeah, here's my claim ticket, I'm going to need my Katanas if they're ready"
The clerk looked at the ticket and then walked into a back room. He called out "Do you need these wrapped up?"
"No leave them out, I've got my sheath here, I'll need quick access very soon to them" she said calling back to the clerk.
Upon returning with the blades, the clerk tossed the weapons towards Nikki. She swiveled her body so the blades each landed in the sheaths on her belt. "We managed to get them rebalanced while we had them as well, as you can see they react very well to the modifications."
Nikki grinned. "Thanks, my credit covers it right? Good." She then walked off to knock more items off their shopping list. "Ethan dear, lets see about some throwing daggers for yourself."
"I'm thinking of going with throwing chainsaws this time around" Ethan remarked as they walked towards another aisle. "They may not throw so good but they sure look intimidating."
Nikki cut in "Hey they're having a sale on rockets for rocket launchers. Since Cleo apparently bought one of these, maybe we should pick up some ammo for her while its on sale." Nikki grabbed a couple of rockets from the bin and put it in their shopping cart they had grabbed when they entered the ammo section. "Man this wheel sure is messed up, its making all kinds of noise."
The cart was making a lot of noise, that was undeniable. As a matter of fact, they had attracted a sales associate that was walking around helping people with their purchases. "Excuse me, is there a problem here?" he asked.
Ethan smiled and said "Yeah we're having a problem with the wheel on this cart."
"Yeah that happens sometimes." Ethan was about to ask if they should get a new cart but before he could do so, the sales associate drew a firearm from his vest and shot a couple of rounds into the wheel. "Try it now."
The wheel had for the most part been disintegrated by the shots but wasn't squeaking anymore. "Oh um much better" he said as Nikki and him hurriedly walked away. "The service here is ...well they get things done."
"I heard that they have branched out and at least half of their current staff are elite hit men, though hit men don't really adjust well to normal life" Nikki chuckled.
"Actually I was meaning to ask why that old guy at the front door was garroting everyone that he gave a cart to after he greeted them. You notice I didn't talk to him, and I certainly didn't ask him for a cart either." Ethan shuttered. "But what you're saying is they sell death now too?"
"And naturally they have the lowest contract prices in the area putting mom and pop hit man companies out of business all over the place. Its a damn shame, oh here comes an associate!" Both Nikki and Ethan got very quiet as a sales associate came within ear shot.
"Can I help you with anything? Have you checked out our low low prices on weapons grade plutonium?" he asked.
"Thanks but no thanks, we're trying to keep to our list and we where just about done, thank you." Nikki paused for a second, saw the dissatisfaction on the associates face, then smiled a huge grin. "Oh what the heck, impulse buy, show us where it is."
The associates face lit up. "Right this way. Next to the batteries and magazines."
"Yes I do, but that couldn't possibly be related to leaving the keys in the ignition with the cats in the back seat, right?" He didn't sound very sure of himself and was looking for a reassurance from Nikki.
She just shook her head before saying "Oh look at this shirt, isn't it cute?"
Ethan shook his head. "We're not here the buy clothing, we're here to get supplies for the trip. The girls have at least a couple hours head start on us and we'll need to make up that time as soon as we've got all the supplies we need. Now lets head over to the dairy section."
Upon arriving at the dairy aisle, Ethan pushed in on one of the egg cartons. There was a mechanical click as the floor opened up nearby and a set of stairs were revealed descending downward. It was a little known fact that there was a military surplus cache underneath every Walled-mart accessible from near the milks. When Ethan told people he was "Lactose Intolerant", what he was really trying to tell them is that he doesn't react well to being shot repeatedly in the chest.
"Now remember, we're going to need a large amount of guns if we're going to survive where we're going, its a rough place that's for sure. And cold steel too" Ethan said as he browsed the Uzis on display.
"While we're here, we should check up on whether my twin Katanas are finished. I dropped them off last week to get the edges sharpened." Nikki walked over to the customer service desk and withdrew her claim ticket from the inside of her thigh highs.
"Can I help you?" the clerk said.
"Yeah, here's my claim ticket, I'm going to need my Katanas if they're ready"
The clerk looked at the ticket and then walked into a back room. He called out "Do you need these wrapped up?"
"No leave them out, I've got my sheath here, I'll need quick access very soon to them" she said calling back to the clerk.
Upon returning with the blades, the clerk tossed the weapons towards Nikki. She swiveled her body so the blades each landed in the sheaths on her belt. "We managed to get them rebalanced while we had them as well, as you can see they react very well to the modifications."
Nikki grinned. "Thanks, my credit covers it right? Good." She then walked off to knock more items off their shopping list. "Ethan dear, lets see about some throwing daggers for yourself."
"I'm thinking of going with throwing chainsaws this time around" Ethan remarked as they walked towards another aisle. "They may not throw so good but they sure look intimidating."
Nikki cut in "Hey they're having a sale on rockets for rocket launchers. Since Cleo apparently bought one of these, maybe we should pick up some ammo for her while its on sale." Nikki grabbed a couple of rockets from the bin and put it in their shopping cart they had grabbed when they entered the ammo section. "Man this wheel sure is messed up, its making all kinds of noise."
The cart was making a lot of noise, that was undeniable. As a matter of fact, they had attracted a sales associate that was walking around helping people with their purchases. "Excuse me, is there a problem here?" he asked.
Ethan smiled and said "Yeah we're having a problem with the wheel on this cart."
"Yeah that happens sometimes." Ethan was about to ask if they should get a new cart but before he could do so, the sales associate drew a firearm from his vest and shot a couple of rounds into the wheel. "Try it now."
The wheel had for the most part been disintegrated by the shots but wasn't squeaking anymore. "Oh um much better" he said as Nikki and him hurriedly walked away. "The service here is ...well they get things done."
"I heard that they have branched out and at least half of their current staff are elite hit men, though hit men don't really adjust well to normal life" Nikki chuckled.
"Actually I was meaning to ask why that old guy at the front door was garroting everyone that he gave a cart to after he greeted them. You notice I didn't talk to him, and I certainly didn't ask him for a cart either." Ethan shuttered. "But what you're saying is they sell death now too?"
"And naturally they have the lowest contract prices in the area putting mom and pop hit man companies out of business all over the place. Its a damn shame, oh here comes an associate!" Both Nikki and Ethan got very quiet as a sales associate came within ear shot.
"Can I help you with anything? Have you checked out our low low prices on weapons grade plutonium?" he asked.
"Thanks but no thanks, we're trying to keep to our list and we where just about done, thank you." Nikki paused for a second, saw the dissatisfaction on the associates face, then smiled a huge grin. "Oh what the heck, impulse buy, show us where it is."
The associates face lit up. "Right this way. Next to the batteries and magazines."
Thursday, November 1, 2007
Chapter 13: Mike, Medication, and Mayhem
An announcer voice proclaimed with cheesy theme music playing "This is the 1:34pm Action News with anchors Sarah Andrews and Mike McKenzie, your only live on the 34 news report."
"Good afternoon, I'm Sarah Andrews and this is Mike McKenzie, welcome to news at 1:34."
"They already know that Sarah, the announcer just said all of that with the introduction" Mike said sarcastically.
"Mike, I've got a knife under this desk, shut up before we're trying to fill a vacancy for this program" Sarah added.
"I'm not afraid Sarah, you're probably trip and fall onto it as soon as you tried to use it. We'd be filling a vacancy for sure, but it won't be mine." Mike then motioned to their producer who was already in action.
A few moments later some burly men burst in the room and approached the desk. Just as they reached Sarah, the camera panned back over to Mike as they tasered her repeatedly. A couple seconds later, the camera panned back to Sarah as she straightened her hair. "Thank you Mike, forgot my meds today."
Mike continued "Indeed you had, in the news day, we'd gotten reports of a fire on the eastern side of town. From the sounds of it, this fire is raging out of control. Expendable news agent Tonya is on the scene."
Tonya was standing in front of a large burning hole in the side of a house made by some sort of explosion. "I'm here with a Mr. Zane, tell me Mr. Zane, what happened here?"
"Cats got out"
"What, did you just say some cats did this?" Tonya asked confused.
"No this har hole wuz caused by one of them whatcha calls em, rockety launchermajigers fired at close range I recon. I was thinking, whats a rocket launcher doin in my here yurd, so I says I wonder ifs its loaded and thinks hey its probably not, I should test fires it at mah window, wuts the worst that could happin?"
"Alright that's it" is heard off screen. The man that Tonya was talking to is yanked off to the side out of view, followed by a sudden stabbing noise and a short lived scream. When the camera catches up, Zane is standing over a body that has been stabbed in the eye with a dagger. "Tonya, I think you should cut back to the newsroom now."
"Oh um OK, back to you guys, this is Tonya signing..." Tonya was cut short suddenly before she could finish just as a dagger came on screen around eye level, but the shot was already back in the newsroom a moment later.
"We lost another one" Sarah said. "In other news, today was the 5th annual beets and melted crayon cook-off down at the expo center. A record turn out of two homeless people and a lost tourist made the place standing room only, because due to its popularity, it was again held in the mop closet. Good eating, right Mike?"
"What ever you say Sarah" Mike continued. "Oh and this just in, police are in pursuit of a green mustang that is flying down the highway as we speak. We go live to traffic chopper cadet Cosmo, Cosmo?"
"Thank you Mike, this is Cosmo in News Chopper 93 over the pursuit. Police started this pursuit when the vehicle in question jumped a police checkpoint by driving up a pile of dirt. The dirt had been placed like a ramp next to the checkpoint by a road crew working in the area. Police only had this to say, 'It hadn't occurred to us that anyone would use the ramp'.
We're now directly over the vehicle, we might be able to get a good look at the driver." Cosmo gasps. "It appears to be.... driven by a mean looking old gray cat, and shes glaring at me for sure. Actually I think she just flipped me off or gave me a paw or something. And what's that, looks like the passenger window is being lowered. A little gray kitten is sticking its head out the other window and looks like its holding something, is that a rocket launcher? I think it..." The video feed goes dead suddenly right after a large explosion.
Back in the newsroom, Sarah looks over at Mike, then down at the sheet of paper in front of her. After a second, she looks up at the camera. "This just in, local news helicopter crashes onto the highway hindering an in progress police pursuit. The helicopter was apparently shot down by a gray kitten with a rocket launcher. The weapon was fired out of the passenger window of the vehicle being pursued. This is mostly speculation and police are unavailable for comment at this time. Mike?"
"Yes today's weather, clear ...with a chance of news helicopter debris showers. Who wrote that on here?" Mike looked around suspiciously before continuing. "Tonight partly cloudy with a chance of showers. This weekend is looking good for sunny skies and tourists from New York. Sarah back to you." He then quickly said under his breath "If I find out it was you..."
"One other news story of note, a local resident was found murdered outside of their apartment earlier. Police have a suspect in custody. Apparently the suspect wrote on their car window that they were guilty out of guilt. It is speculated in the heat of the moment that the suspect wanted to document the crime on their transportation. A couple witnesses in the area stated that they in fact saw another woman commit the murder and wrote the message on the suspects window afterwards. Police believe these witnesses are idiots and have taken steps to beat the living hell out of the them until their story matches the evidence. I guess you could say they're 'mistaken'?."
"Sarah, was that a joke? That wasn't even remotely funny, you know what, never mind. You'd probably start crying or something. And I'd be like 'Oh boo hoo, the little retard is so sad'"
"I'm suddenly filled with the urge to use this knife again. And this time, you with the tasers, I'll not go down without a fight." Sarah gripped the knife and waved it around menacingly.
"Yes uh that's all we have for the 1:34pm news for today, we'll see you at 6:12pm for our evening edition, until then I'm Mike McKenzie and this is retard Sarah Andrews for 1:34pm Action News."
Sarah added "Mike McKenzie won't be joining us for the evening edition though, he's suddenly contracted a severe case of stabbed in the face, until then folks, I'm Sarah Andrews and this was 1:34pm Action News."
"I already said that, idiot."
-End Transmission-
"Good afternoon, I'm Sarah Andrews and this is Mike McKenzie, welcome to news at 1:34."
"They already know that Sarah, the announcer just said all of that with the introduction" Mike said sarcastically.
"Mike, I've got a knife under this desk, shut up before we're trying to fill a vacancy for this program" Sarah added.
"I'm not afraid Sarah, you're probably trip and fall onto it as soon as you tried to use it. We'd be filling a vacancy for sure, but it won't be mine." Mike then motioned to their producer who was already in action.
A few moments later some burly men burst in the room and approached the desk. Just as they reached Sarah, the camera panned back over to Mike as they tasered her repeatedly. A couple seconds later, the camera panned back to Sarah as she straightened her hair. "Thank you Mike, forgot my meds today."
Mike continued "Indeed you had, in the news day, we'd gotten reports of a fire on the eastern side of town. From the sounds of it, this fire is raging out of control. Expendable news agent Tonya is on the scene."
Tonya was standing in front of a large burning hole in the side of a house made by some sort of explosion. "I'm here with a Mr. Zane, tell me Mr. Zane, what happened here?"
"Cats got out"
"What, did you just say some cats did this?" Tonya asked confused.
"No this har hole wuz caused by one of them whatcha calls em, rockety launchermajigers fired at close range I recon. I was thinking, whats a rocket launcher doin in my here yurd, so I says I wonder ifs its loaded and thinks hey its probably not, I should test fires it at mah window, wuts the worst that could happin?"
"Alright that's it" is heard off screen. The man that Tonya was talking to is yanked off to the side out of view, followed by a sudden stabbing noise and a short lived scream. When the camera catches up, Zane is standing over a body that has been stabbed in the eye with a dagger. "Tonya, I think you should cut back to the newsroom now."
"Oh um OK, back to you guys, this is Tonya signing..." Tonya was cut short suddenly before she could finish just as a dagger came on screen around eye level, but the shot was already back in the newsroom a moment later.
"We lost another one" Sarah said. "In other news, today was the 5th annual beets and melted crayon cook-off down at the expo center. A record turn out of two homeless people and a lost tourist made the place standing room only, because due to its popularity, it was again held in the mop closet. Good eating, right Mike?"
"What ever you say Sarah" Mike continued. "Oh and this just in, police are in pursuit of a green mustang that is flying down the highway as we speak. We go live to traffic chopper cadet Cosmo, Cosmo?"
"Thank you Mike, this is Cosmo in News Chopper 93 over the pursuit. Police started this pursuit when the vehicle in question jumped a police checkpoint by driving up a pile of dirt. The dirt had been placed like a ramp next to the checkpoint by a road crew working in the area. Police only had this to say, 'It hadn't occurred to us that anyone would use the ramp'.
We're now directly over the vehicle, we might be able to get a good look at the driver." Cosmo gasps. "It appears to be.... driven by a mean looking old gray cat, and shes glaring at me for sure. Actually I think she just flipped me off or gave me a paw or something. And what's that, looks like the passenger window is being lowered. A little gray kitten is sticking its head out the other window and looks like its holding something, is that a rocket launcher? I think it..." The video feed goes dead suddenly right after a large explosion.
Back in the newsroom, Sarah looks over at Mike, then down at the sheet of paper in front of her. After a second, she looks up at the camera. "This just in, local news helicopter crashes onto the highway hindering an in progress police pursuit. The helicopter was apparently shot down by a gray kitten with a rocket launcher. The weapon was fired out of the passenger window of the vehicle being pursued. This is mostly speculation and police are unavailable for comment at this time. Mike?"
"Yes today's weather, clear ...with a chance of news helicopter debris showers. Who wrote that on here?" Mike looked around suspiciously before continuing. "Tonight partly cloudy with a chance of showers. This weekend is looking good for sunny skies and tourists from New York. Sarah back to you." He then quickly said under his breath "If I find out it was you..."
"One other news story of note, a local resident was found murdered outside of their apartment earlier. Police have a suspect in custody. Apparently the suspect wrote on their car window that they were guilty out of guilt. It is speculated in the heat of the moment that the suspect wanted to document the crime on their transportation. A couple witnesses in the area stated that they in fact saw another woman commit the murder and wrote the message on the suspects window afterwards. Police believe these witnesses are idiots and have taken steps to beat the living hell out of the them until their story matches the evidence. I guess you could say they're 'mistaken'?."
"Sarah, was that a joke? That wasn't even remotely funny, you know what, never mind. You'd probably start crying or something. And I'd be like 'Oh boo hoo, the little retard is so sad'"
"I'm suddenly filled with the urge to use this knife again. And this time, you with the tasers, I'll not go down without a fight." Sarah gripped the knife and waved it around menacingly.
"Yes uh that's all we have for the 1:34pm news for today, we'll see you at 6:12pm for our evening edition, until then I'm Mike McKenzie and this is retard Sarah Andrews for 1:34pm Action News."
Sarah added "Mike McKenzie won't be joining us for the evening edition though, he's suddenly contracted a severe case of stabbed in the face, until then folks, I'm Sarah Andrews and this was 1:34pm Action News."
"I already said that, idiot."
-End Transmission-
Friday, October 26, 2007
Chapter 12: Water, Wrecks, and Waiting
"They're on the move" Nikki said casually as her and Ethan rode in the car across town.
Ethan sighed. "The three of them should be kept busy with that key for a little while I'm sure. Hey do you think the blood splatter is a nice touch on the front of the car there?"
Nikki glanced out the window at the hood before shrugging. "I could go either way on it. Its nice contrast of colors but when it dries its not going to look so good anymore."
Ethan sighed. "You're right, I'll fix it" He then veered the car into someones yard who just happen to have their sprinklers on. The water sprayed the car and before long, water was dripping from everywhere but the splatter was gone.
"Hey Ethan, maybe you can close the windows next time you do something like that!" Nikki said as she started to squeeze the water out of her hair.
Ethan nodded. "Maybe.......Maybe Not"
Returning to the road, they continued to head across town. It wasn't more then a few minutes before they pulled up to a run down apartment. The windows were barred up and multiple signs of half a dozen security companies advertising that this property was protected by them. Ethan laughed. "Zane was always obsessed with security."
Nikki smirked "Prepare for ramming speed!" Ethan pulled the car around to face part of the fence surrounding the property. There was a good bit of distance between the car and the fence, enough for decent acceleration and ramming speed. "Commence!" she yelled followed by Ethan flooring the gas pedal. A few seconds later, the car went soaring through the fence landing miraculously on its wheels in the yard.
Zane came running out of the apartment with his hands in the air. "What the hell is wrong with you?"
Ethan stuck his head out the open window and said "We were trying to get in to your yard."
Zane's jaw dropped a little bit before saying "Not only is it unlocked but the damn gate is wide open leading into the yard". He pointed at the open gate a couple yards away from the new hole in the fence Ethan's car had just created.
Ethan looked over at the gate and then back at Zane. "There's no showmanship in using the gate, is there?"
Zane groaned. "Fine! What do you want anyways?"
Ethan got out of the car and moved to the trunk. "Your services have been less then satisfactory" he said as he pulled the rocket launcher out of the trunk and fired it at the front window of the apartment. Zane dove out of the way as the rocket passed within a foot of him. The rocket exploded creating a huge hole in the side of the building.
An alarm immediately started to sound. After a couple seconds, a rope made of tied together sheets descended rapidly out of the hole. Moments later, three cats came climbing down the rope and darted to the car. Nikki opened the passenger door and the cats climbed into the back seat.
"I was only watching them as a favor for that woman that was at your house" Zane said as he got up from the ground. "At least I thought it was your house. In hind sight, she did act strangely the whole time I was there."
Ethan laughed. "Yeah Anna is the evil twin of my wife, they look exactly alike. Except for the goatee. My wife is out of town this week and Anna was just taking advantage of that fact."
Zane walked over to the car to face Ethan directly. "I'll be over tommorrow to pick up that body."
Ethan replied "We've got three now, I trust you'll be able to help us with that."
Zane nodded. "Do me a favor and use the gate on your way out."
Ethan nodded and climbed back into the car. He spun the car around in the yard kicking up dirt as it went and drove the car out the open gate.
Nikki laughed, pointed to the back seat and said "Cleopatra wants to know what took you so long?"
Ethan sighed. "The three of them should be kept busy with that key for a little while I'm sure. Hey do you think the blood splatter is a nice touch on the front of the car there?"
Nikki glanced out the window at the hood before shrugging. "I could go either way on it. Its nice contrast of colors but when it dries its not going to look so good anymore."
Ethan sighed. "You're right, I'll fix it" He then veered the car into someones yard who just happen to have their sprinklers on. The water sprayed the car and before long, water was dripping from everywhere but the splatter was gone.
"Hey Ethan, maybe you can close the windows next time you do something like that!" Nikki said as she started to squeeze the water out of her hair.
Ethan nodded. "Maybe.......Maybe Not"
Returning to the road, they continued to head across town. It wasn't more then a few minutes before they pulled up to a run down apartment. The windows were barred up and multiple signs of half a dozen security companies advertising that this property was protected by them. Ethan laughed. "Zane was always obsessed with security."
Nikki smirked "Prepare for ramming speed!" Ethan pulled the car around to face part of the fence surrounding the property. There was a good bit of distance between the car and the fence, enough for decent acceleration and ramming speed. "Commence!" she yelled followed by Ethan flooring the gas pedal. A few seconds later, the car went soaring through the fence landing miraculously on its wheels in the yard.
Zane came running out of the apartment with his hands in the air. "What the hell is wrong with you?"
Ethan stuck his head out the open window and said "We were trying to get in to your yard."
Zane's jaw dropped a little bit before saying "Not only is it unlocked but the damn gate is wide open leading into the yard". He pointed at the open gate a couple yards away from the new hole in the fence Ethan's car had just created.
Ethan looked over at the gate and then back at Zane. "There's no showmanship in using the gate, is there?"
Zane groaned. "Fine! What do you want anyways?"
Ethan got out of the car and moved to the trunk. "Your services have been less then satisfactory" he said as he pulled the rocket launcher out of the trunk and fired it at the front window of the apartment. Zane dove out of the way as the rocket passed within a foot of him. The rocket exploded creating a huge hole in the side of the building.
An alarm immediately started to sound. After a couple seconds, a rope made of tied together sheets descended rapidly out of the hole. Moments later, three cats came climbing down the rope and darted to the car. Nikki opened the passenger door and the cats climbed into the back seat.
"I was only watching them as a favor for that woman that was at your house" Zane said as he got up from the ground. "At least I thought it was your house. In hind sight, she did act strangely the whole time I was there."
Ethan laughed. "Yeah Anna is the evil twin of my wife, they look exactly alike. Except for the goatee. My wife is out of town this week and Anna was just taking advantage of that fact."
Zane walked over to the car to face Ethan directly. "I'll be over tommorrow to pick up that body."
Ethan replied "We've got three now, I trust you'll be able to help us with that."
Zane nodded. "Do me a favor and use the gate on your way out."
Ethan nodded and climbed back into the car. He spun the car around in the yard kicking up dirt as it went and drove the car out the open gate.
Nikki laughed, pointed to the back seat and said "Cleopatra wants to know what took you so long?"
Thursday, October 25, 2007
Chapter 11: Knocking, Keys, and Killers
There was a knock at Amber's door again. This time though, Anna called from the other side
"Amber, its us, Anna and Millie" Amber unlocked the door and peeked out to verify they were really out there.
"Come in, what took you so long to get here?" Amber asked suspiciously "You said you were on your way over last night."
Anna replied "Yeah I had to go pick up Millie and we got the car stuck in a plot hole all night."
Amber sighed, it was a valid excuse to say the least. "Oh yeah and we did find that your landlord was taken out by a hit and run though his body is still missing. Judging from the blood trail, he's probably still attached to the vehicle that struck him."
Millie at this point was cheerfully walking around the apartment touching everything on the bookshelves and tables. Amber watched her carefully for a few moments before saying "Millie, dear? Sit down somewhere, you're getting person all over my stuff." Millie looked over with a pout, letting her hands drop to her sides with clenched fist and stomped her foot before sitting in the corner.
Amber looked back over at Anna. "So I've run some analysis on the key that Ethan gave me. He said I would know where to use it and I have a pretty good idea where to try it. The key holds a powerful enchantment which has some sort of wards against discovering the true nature of the enchantment. All I know is, this key radiates with a severe aura I have not seen before."
Anna looked very interested. "Judging from the glow, I'd say it was radioactive. Do you think its dangerous to handle?"
"I doubt it, Ethan had it kept in his pocket and didn't seem the least bit concerned. So far I haven't felt any negative effects from it either, which doesn't exactly mean anything since they could be subtle and unnoticeable. Millie, did Ethan act strange during the game yesterday?"
Millie looked up and broke her pout long enough to say "No he was acting pretty normal though he came closer to killing us yesterday then he's come in a while. One day he might actually succeed." She then resumed pouting with her arms crossed in the corner.
Amber frowned. "No help, well looks like we better gear up." She walked over to a pile of wooden weapons shaped like scimitars, daggers, and swords and picked one up. "These will do"
Millie said "How are wooden blunt weapons going to help us where we're going?" Amber smashed the weapon against the wall shattering the wood into tiny splinters only to reveal a glimmering sharp blade within. Millie simply replied "Oh" and picked up the dagger smashing it against the wall and receiving the same effect.
Anna picked up the bastard sword in a similar fashion, smashing and revealing the true weapon within. "This is symbolic of the real strength inside us all."
Amber said "Yeah either that or I was trying to hide them from the landlord. He had a strict policy against weapons in the building. I guess he won't be giving me a hard time about these any more. We'll take my car, lets go."
The trio attached their weapons to their belts and made their way out the door. One of Amber's neighbors got too nosy about the weapons and Amber had to cap him real quick with her gat before depositing it in one of her neighbors open car windows and placing a quick call to the police. "Crime is so bad in this neighborhood" she said as she spray painted "I'm guilty of manslaughter" on the windshield of the neighbor's vehicle.
"Lets go"
"Amber, its us, Anna and Millie" Amber unlocked the door and peeked out to verify they were really out there.
"Come in, what took you so long to get here?" Amber asked suspiciously "You said you were on your way over last night."
Anna replied "Yeah I had to go pick up Millie and we got the car stuck in a plot hole all night."
Amber sighed, it was a valid excuse to say the least. "Oh yeah and we did find that your landlord was taken out by a hit and run though his body is still missing. Judging from the blood trail, he's probably still attached to the vehicle that struck him."
Millie at this point was cheerfully walking around the apartment touching everything on the bookshelves and tables. Amber watched her carefully for a few moments before saying "Millie, dear? Sit down somewhere, you're getting person all over my stuff." Millie looked over with a pout, letting her hands drop to her sides with clenched fist and stomped her foot before sitting in the corner.
Amber looked back over at Anna. "So I've run some analysis on the key that Ethan gave me. He said I would know where to use it and I have a pretty good idea where to try it. The key holds a powerful enchantment which has some sort of wards against discovering the true nature of the enchantment. All I know is, this key radiates with a severe aura I have not seen before."
Anna looked very interested. "Judging from the glow, I'd say it was radioactive. Do you think its dangerous to handle?"
"I doubt it, Ethan had it kept in his pocket and didn't seem the least bit concerned. So far I haven't felt any negative effects from it either, which doesn't exactly mean anything since they could be subtle and unnoticeable. Millie, did Ethan act strange during the game yesterday?"
Millie looked up and broke her pout long enough to say "No he was acting pretty normal though he came closer to killing us yesterday then he's come in a while. One day he might actually succeed." She then resumed pouting with her arms crossed in the corner.
Amber frowned. "No help, well looks like we better gear up." She walked over to a pile of wooden weapons shaped like scimitars, daggers, and swords and picked one up. "These will do"
Millie said "How are wooden blunt weapons going to help us where we're going?" Amber smashed the weapon against the wall shattering the wood into tiny splinters only to reveal a glimmering sharp blade within. Millie simply replied "Oh" and picked up the dagger smashing it against the wall and receiving the same effect.
Anna picked up the bastard sword in a similar fashion, smashing and revealing the true weapon within. "This is symbolic of the real strength inside us all."
Amber said "Yeah either that or I was trying to hide them from the landlord. He had a strict policy against weapons in the building. I guess he won't be giving me a hard time about these any more. We'll take my car, lets go."
The trio attached their weapons to their belts and made their way out the door. One of Amber's neighbors got too nosy about the weapons and Amber had to cap him real quick with her gat before depositing it in one of her neighbors open car windows and placing a quick call to the police. "Crime is so bad in this neighborhood" she said as she spray painted "I'm guilty of manslaughter" on the windshield of the neighbor's vehicle.
"Lets go"
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
Chapter 10: Repairs, Rocket Launchers, and Rescues
Ethan awoke with a start. He was being tapped on the shoulder. Nikki whispered in his ear "Get up already, time's a wasting!"
"Another few minutes" Ethan muttered as he started to drift off to sleep again. It wasn't until he felt a pillow being held against his face that he awoke again. "Alright alright, I'm up Nikki" he said through the pillow which sounded a lot more muffled then it was coherent.
"Get dressed and lets go already, we don't have all day" Nikki said aloud. She was lying. There was no rush. She had a good idea what the time line was and they were not in any immediate rush. Ethan probably also knew this as well but Nikki just got restless if Ethan slept in too late.
"So Nikki, whats the plan today exactly?"
"Well first we have to get rid of the three bodies" she said.
"Three, why three?" Ethan asked quite confused.
"Well besides the obvious one stuck to the front of the car and the postman rotting on your porch steps, remember that we never did get that lawyer to dispose of the body in the back of the car."
"Oh yeah, remember our official story. He crawled into the trunk and died. He was definitely not backed over intentionally, twice.
She sighed. "Lets get a move on." They both went outside and pulled the body off the front of the car dragging it into the empty salt mine underneath the house. They tossed it in the corner before returning outside to gather the body from the staircase. Finally they grabbed the body in the trunk and put it in the pile they had formed in the corner.
Ethan's cellphone started to ring as the two of them closed the doors to the mine and walked back into the house. He answered it suspiciously. Nikki was very amused only hearing one side of the conversation.
"Hello? ....
Oh hi ....
yes she's here too...
You're what?....
Yeah I heard.....
No from Nikki.......
Oh yeah?......
Yes I realize that......
Where did you get a phone from anyways?.....
Out of a toaster? Wow I had no idea......
Sure I could stop by......
I don't think that will be necessary, and besides where would I get one of those.......
no let me check, hold on a sec"
Ethan walked over to the room across the hall from the bedroom and pulled a rocket launcher out of the closet.
"Yeah I found it, where did it come from?......
Russia, so what they just giving these things away?.......
They are. And you ordered this online?.......
Wow free shipping, cool. What's it for? .........
Just in case what?.....
This hardly classifies as that.....
I don't know, that seems a little extreme don't you think?.....
You want to send a message?.......
Sure that would be dramatic, someone might get hurt though......
That's the idea? Yeah fine I'll bring it, but I'm not going to use it.......
Do you even have a permit?.....
You do? Oh yeah here it is....
I'm sure that's still illegal.....
Yes I know they'd never convict you.....
Sure but only when we're driving away if you really want to.....
Also bring what?......
Actually we ate the last of that last night......
Sure after we pick you up, where does he live....
Yeah I know the place, we'll be over in a few minutes......
Yes death to the infidels......
Ok bye bye"
Ethan hung up the phone and said to Nikki, "Slight change of plan."
Nikki nodded. It was going to be another long day.
"Another few minutes" Ethan muttered as he started to drift off to sleep again. It wasn't until he felt a pillow being held against his face that he awoke again. "Alright alright, I'm up Nikki" he said through the pillow which sounded a lot more muffled then it was coherent.
"Get dressed and lets go already, we don't have all day" Nikki said aloud. She was lying. There was no rush. She had a good idea what the time line was and they were not in any immediate rush. Ethan probably also knew this as well but Nikki just got restless if Ethan slept in too late.
"So Nikki, whats the plan today exactly?"
"Well first we have to get rid of the three bodies" she said.
"Three, why three?" Ethan asked quite confused.
"Well besides the obvious one stuck to the front of the car and the postman rotting on your porch steps, remember that we never did get that lawyer to dispose of the body in the back of the car."
"Oh yeah, remember our official story. He crawled into the trunk and died. He was definitely not backed over intentionally, twice.
She sighed. "Lets get a move on." They both went outside and pulled the body off the front of the car dragging it into the empty salt mine underneath the house. They tossed it in the corner before returning outside to gather the body from the staircase. Finally they grabbed the body in the trunk and put it in the pile they had formed in the corner.
Ethan's cellphone started to ring as the two of them closed the doors to the mine and walked back into the house. He answered it suspiciously. Nikki was very amused only hearing one side of the conversation.
"Hello? ....
Oh hi ....
yes she's here too...
You're what?....
Yeah I heard.....
No from Nikki.......
Oh yeah?......
Yes I realize that......
Where did you get a phone from anyways?.....
Out of a toaster? Wow I had no idea......
Sure I could stop by......
I don't think that will be necessary, and besides where would I get one of those.......
no let me check, hold on a sec"
Ethan walked over to the room across the hall from the bedroom and pulled a rocket launcher out of the closet.
"Yeah I found it, where did it come from?......
Russia, so what they just giving these things away?.......
They are. And you ordered this online?.......
Wow free shipping, cool. What's it for? .........
Just in case what?.....
This hardly classifies as that.....
I don't know, that seems a little extreme don't you think?.....
You want to send a message?.......
Sure that would be dramatic, someone might get hurt though......
That's the idea? Yeah fine I'll bring it, but I'm not going to use it.......
Do you even have a permit?.....
You do? Oh yeah here it is....
I'm sure that's still illegal.....
Yes I know they'd never convict you.....
Sure but only when we're driving away if you really want to.....
Also bring what?......
Actually we ate the last of that last night......
Sure after we pick you up, where does he live....
Yeah I know the place, we'll be over in a few minutes......
Yes death to the infidels......
Ok bye bye"
Ethan hung up the phone and said to Nikki, "Slight change of plan."
Nikki nodded. It was going to be another long day.
Monday, October 22, 2007
Chapter 9: Confinement, Comrades, and Cooling Units
Day 1: Forced captivity
My comrades and I have found ourselves in quite a bind this time. The deviant one had shown up earlier today at our residence and cornered each of separately. Upon our capture, we were loaded into a restrictive cell of some sort to be transported to an alternative unknown location.
The deviant one procured some sort of transport from a citizen outside and moved us to a supposed meeting location for a drop off. The pickup man arrived soon after, in which the deviant one gave him specific orders on our detainment. If we ever get out of this one, I'll find the means to place a dagger in her back soon enough. I doubt she realizes the potential and training we hold. Out of the deviant ones hands, we were still unable to find a way out of the cell we had been placed in.
Traveling for what seemed like an eternity, my comrades and I arrived at our new prison. Strangely enough, as soon as we were in the place, the transport man released us. Perhaps this is one of those prisons that is inescapable, we shall see though. My comrades share the same optimism as I and we've already begun to scope the place out for weaknesses and exploits.
Comrade Ly was quick to located an excellent spot that overlooked the rest of the prison and began to gather intel. She paid special attention to the transport man because he could throw a wrench in our plans if he knows too much. Perhaps we'll have to distract him so he doesn't get too curious about our efforts.
Comrade Ki took note of how interested the transport man was in us. She felt that she should take a little of the heat off of us. She started to fake good behavior to throw off the transport man. He seems to be sticking around even after we were dropped off here. Perhaps he is the warden of this prison. No doubt with budgeting cut backs, everyone has to carry extra responsibilities around here. We may have to take care of him soon since he seems suspicious of our activities.
My job, being the smallest, was to scope out the rest of the prison. I analyzed security concerns as best I could. I was able to tap the phones which were strangely enough, unguarded. I suspect a trap or at the least listening devices. All I had to do was learn the basic layout of the place for further action. I reported all the information back to my comrades. While I was talking to comrade Ly, the warden caught sight of us speaking so we just played innocent till his gaze fell elsewhere.
We worked on a plan in secret until one was decided upon. We laid low till it was time to enact our first plan. Comrade Ly was to follow the warden around and distract him. With him distracted in one of the other holding areas, Comrade Ki and I got to work. We grabbed different holding areas and began to place traps.
Much later after the warden was resting, we felt it was time to take him out. I found a large cooling unit hanging precariously over his head. I was able to work the cooling unit to the edge of its shelf and sent it down upon the warden. There must have been a misjudge in trajectory because although the cooling unit landed upon him, it did not seem to be fatal.
The warden seemed a little taken back, and in this confusion I was able to take a location somewhere else so he wouldn't suspect it was me. He looked over at us suspiciously and we just tried to look as innocent as possible. He seemed distracted by the work that Comrade was doing in the other holding area but didn't seem interested enough to investigate luckily.
The warden began to nap again shortly there after. I knew another attempt on his life would gather too much attention so we moved on to another part of our plan while the night was still young.
Day 2: Forced Captivity
After getting a quick nap, my comrades and I managed to get the finishing touches done on one of our most elaborate traps over in another area. We were in the middle of another strategy talk when the warden showed up. We dispersed in opposite directions to throw him off. He seemed confused about which one of us to pursue because he just stood there.
The food in the mess hall was nothing to be excited about but I'd had worst too. My comrades and I each got our fill while one of us would stand guard. By this point, we had begun to wonder where all the other prisoners were. We were unable to find any in our sweeps of the facility. The warden seemed a little inexperienced in his dealing with us, so maybe this was a new facility and we were the first of many captives.
One other hope stood in the back our heads. Our capture had occurred when the twins were out, perhaps they would arrive at the residence and find my comrades and I missing and send help. They were very resourceful together and would no doubt be diligent about our prompt return. But just in case, perhaps I can whip up a communication device from some of the appliances in the mess hall.
My comrades and I have found ourselves in quite a bind this time. The deviant one had shown up earlier today at our residence and cornered each of separately. Upon our capture, we were loaded into a restrictive cell of some sort to be transported to an alternative unknown location.
The deviant one procured some sort of transport from a citizen outside and moved us to a supposed meeting location for a drop off. The pickup man arrived soon after, in which the deviant one gave him specific orders on our detainment. If we ever get out of this one, I'll find the means to place a dagger in her back soon enough. I doubt she realizes the potential and training we hold. Out of the deviant ones hands, we were still unable to find a way out of the cell we had been placed in.
Traveling for what seemed like an eternity, my comrades and I arrived at our new prison. Strangely enough, as soon as we were in the place, the transport man released us. Perhaps this is one of those prisons that is inescapable, we shall see though. My comrades share the same optimism as I and we've already begun to scope the place out for weaknesses and exploits.
Comrade Ly was quick to located an excellent spot that overlooked the rest of the prison and began to gather intel. She paid special attention to the transport man because he could throw a wrench in our plans if he knows too much. Perhaps we'll have to distract him so he doesn't get too curious about our efforts.
Comrade Ki took note of how interested the transport man was in us. She felt that she should take a little of the heat off of us. She started to fake good behavior to throw off the transport man. He seems to be sticking around even after we were dropped off here. Perhaps he is the warden of this prison. No doubt with budgeting cut backs, everyone has to carry extra responsibilities around here. We may have to take care of him soon since he seems suspicious of our activities.
My job, being the smallest, was to scope out the rest of the prison. I analyzed security concerns as best I could. I was able to tap the phones which were strangely enough, unguarded. I suspect a trap or at the least listening devices. All I had to do was learn the basic layout of the place for further action. I reported all the information back to my comrades. While I was talking to comrade Ly, the warden caught sight of us speaking so we just played innocent till his gaze fell elsewhere.
We worked on a plan in secret until one was decided upon. We laid low till it was time to enact our first plan. Comrade Ly was to follow the warden around and distract him. With him distracted in one of the other holding areas, Comrade Ki and I got to work. We grabbed different holding areas and began to place traps.
Much later after the warden was resting, we felt it was time to take him out. I found a large cooling unit hanging precariously over his head. I was able to work the cooling unit to the edge of its shelf and sent it down upon the warden. There must have been a misjudge in trajectory because although the cooling unit landed upon him, it did not seem to be fatal.
The warden seemed a little taken back, and in this confusion I was able to take a location somewhere else so he wouldn't suspect it was me. He looked over at us suspiciously and we just tried to look as innocent as possible. He seemed distracted by the work that Comrade was doing in the other holding area but didn't seem interested enough to investigate luckily.
The warden began to nap again shortly there after. I knew another attempt on his life would gather too much attention so we moved on to another part of our plan while the night was still young.
Day 2: Forced Captivity
After getting a quick nap, my comrades and I managed to get the finishing touches done on one of our most elaborate traps over in another area. We were in the middle of another strategy talk when the warden showed up. We dispersed in opposite directions to throw him off. He seemed confused about which one of us to pursue because he just stood there.
The food in the mess hall was nothing to be excited about but I'd had worst too. My comrades and I each got our fill while one of us would stand guard. By this point, we had begun to wonder where all the other prisoners were. We were unable to find any in our sweeps of the facility. The warden seemed a little inexperienced in his dealing with us, so maybe this was a new facility and we were the first of many captives.
One other hope stood in the back our heads. Our capture had occurred when the twins were out, perhaps they would arrive at the residence and find my comrades and I missing and send help. They were very resourceful together and would no doubt be diligent about our prompt return. But just in case, perhaps I can whip up a communication device from some of the appliances in the mess hall.
Friday, October 19, 2007
Chapter 8: Welcome Home Party
Ethan and Nikki were well on their way by now. Ethan was trying to avoid the sidewalks this time so as to not attach any unneeded attention to his vehicle. After a while, eventually the police start to respond to the claims and it was getting harder and harder to stay out of trouble with the law these days.
Ethan broke the silence after a few minutes. "I swear that looks like a hand flapping up over the hood of the car every once in a while".
Nikki groaned. "That's because you ran over Amber's landlord as we were leaving."
"He would have wanted to go that way."
Nikki shook her head. "No I think he would have wanted her to pay her rent for once. I don't even know how she made it this long without a shooting spree from him. Speaking of Amber, she's called Anna and Millie over to her place."
"Tell me again sister how are you aware of their actions again?" Ethan inquired.
Nikki responded "I have some connections at the phone company that allow me to get transcripts of their phone conversations texted to my phone."
"Oh right, yet they're not aware of you tapping that network?" he asked genuinely interested.
Nikki laughed. "Actually no, I'm pretty good at doing things undetected. If they ever suspected anything, they'd not be dancing around excitedly in secrecy as they do. Anna was at the house gathering information and was apparently interuppted by Zane. I suspect that you may have given him reason to seek us out."
Ethan smirked. "Well you could say that." Ethan was already starting to feel the effects of being awake too long, letting out a deep yawn. "I can't wait to get home."
"Anna got a cleaning crew out there to make it appear like she wasn't there earlier."
"Those cleaning crews don't usually do that good a job, at least not the ones that Amber uses."
Ethan paused for a moment. "It's a shame I had to give Amber your key."
Nikki frowned. "Why, we have a whole bucket of them in the back seat. They're all identical and practically worthless." She reached in the back seat and grabbed the bucket pulling a handful of keys out.
"So we're pretty much just messing with Amber and her friends?"
"Yeah pretty much!" Nikki laughed.
The trip was almost over when they passed a taxi driver hitchhiking along the side of the road. Soon after, Ethan was pulling into the neighborhood and finally into the driveway. By this point Zane and Anna were long gone, leaving only a practically empty house. "Well its still here" he said.
"With the people we know, that's a small miracle" Nikki said sarcastically.
Ethan and Nikki climbed out of the vehicle and made their way slowly to the front steps. Paul the postman lay face down in a pool of blood on the porch. "Aw would you look at that" Ethan said sadly. "He was always so precise with his deliveries." They both tried to step over him without disturbing anything.
The house was completely dark and no sounds came from within. They turned on some of the lights and looked around the house eventually ending up in the kitchen. Ethan found a few pieces of glass on the kitchen floor though the window itself was still intact.
"Looks like the cleaning crew has already been here". Ethan looked around, "and the cats are missing too"
Nikki frowned. "Oh yeah I forgot to mention, Anna gave them to Zane for a couple days so they wouldn't be able to assist us any."
"Why would she do that, they're just plain old cats, what assistance could they provide us?" Ethan responded. Nikki just rolled her eyes. Ethan groaned. "Suki took my power tools apparently, we probably won't be hearing from Zane ever again then. He's good at spotting traps but Suki has like 100 ranks in Crafting Traps.
By this point, Ethan was getting hungry. "Should I throw something in the microwave for us?" he asked.
Nikki smiled. "Yeah please do."
Ethan grabbed a solid cube of spam from the fridge, placed it on a microwave dish and set the microwave to the vaporize setting for 2 minutes. The room was periodically filled with a plaid shadow as the composition of the spam was altered by temperatures reaching the surface of the sun. After 2 minutes, he opened the door to the microwave and pulled out the plate. The block of spam was no longer there, and in its place was something edible.
"We should watch the surveillance video before we go to bed" Ethan said flipping a switch underneath the kitchen counter. The fridge rotated completely around revealing a set of stairs leading down. Down in the hidden room, all of the monitors came on at once. Ethan started to review all the videos for the night with much interest. He already knew for the most part what happened already thanks to Nikki, but never the less watched Zane get mugged over and over again rewinding and replaying the same part till he lost interest.
Nikki said "Copy that to the internet and send it to everyone we know."
"I'm already on it" Ethan responded immediately.
Coming back up and closing the secret door, they both headed into the bedroom. Nikki said "They're going to be analyzing that key you gave them all night, and that should keep them occupied for a while. I don't figure I'll have to monitor their communications anymore tonight, so got room for one more in that bed?"
Ethan laughed. "You already know the answer to that!"
"I know" she replied.
Ethan added as he turned out the lights, "Tomorrow we'll take care of some loose ends."
Nikki whispered "Understatement."
"What?" Ethan asked.
Nikki laughed. "Nothing, good night"
Ethan broke the silence after a few minutes. "I swear that looks like a hand flapping up over the hood of the car every once in a while".
Nikki groaned. "That's because you ran over Amber's landlord as we were leaving."
"He would have wanted to go that way."
Nikki shook her head. "No I think he would have wanted her to pay her rent for once. I don't even know how she made it this long without a shooting spree from him. Speaking of Amber, she's called Anna and Millie over to her place."
"Tell me again sister how are you aware of their actions again?" Ethan inquired.
Nikki responded "I have some connections at the phone company that allow me to get transcripts of their phone conversations texted to my phone."
"Oh right, yet they're not aware of you tapping that network?" he asked genuinely interested.
Nikki laughed. "Actually no, I'm pretty good at doing things undetected. If they ever suspected anything, they'd not be dancing around excitedly in secrecy as they do. Anna was at the house gathering information and was apparently interuppted by Zane. I suspect that you may have given him reason to seek us out."
Ethan smirked. "Well you could say that." Ethan was already starting to feel the effects of being awake too long, letting out a deep yawn. "I can't wait to get home."
"Anna got a cleaning crew out there to make it appear like she wasn't there earlier."
"Those cleaning crews don't usually do that good a job, at least not the ones that Amber uses."
Ethan paused for a moment. "It's a shame I had to give Amber your key."
Nikki frowned. "Why, we have a whole bucket of them in the back seat. They're all identical and practically worthless." She reached in the back seat and grabbed the bucket pulling a handful of keys out.
"So we're pretty much just messing with Amber and her friends?"
"Yeah pretty much!" Nikki laughed.
The trip was almost over when they passed a taxi driver hitchhiking along the side of the road. Soon after, Ethan was pulling into the neighborhood and finally into the driveway. By this point Zane and Anna were long gone, leaving only a practically empty house. "Well its still here" he said.
"With the people we know, that's a small miracle" Nikki said sarcastically.
Ethan and Nikki climbed out of the vehicle and made their way slowly to the front steps. Paul the postman lay face down in a pool of blood on the porch. "Aw would you look at that" Ethan said sadly. "He was always so precise with his deliveries." They both tried to step over him without disturbing anything.
The house was completely dark and no sounds came from within. They turned on some of the lights and looked around the house eventually ending up in the kitchen. Ethan found a few pieces of glass on the kitchen floor though the window itself was still intact.
"Looks like the cleaning crew has already been here". Ethan looked around, "and the cats are missing too"
Nikki frowned. "Oh yeah I forgot to mention, Anna gave them to Zane for a couple days so they wouldn't be able to assist us any."
"Why would she do that, they're just plain old cats, what assistance could they provide us?" Ethan responded. Nikki just rolled her eyes. Ethan groaned. "Suki took my power tools apparently, we probably won't be hearing from Zane ever again then. He's good at spotting traps but Suki has like 100 ranks in Crafting Traps.
By this point, Ethan was getting hungry. "Should I throw something in the microwave for us?" he asked.
Nikki smiled. "Yeah please do."
Ethan grabbed a solid cube of spam from the fridge, placed it on a microwave dish and set the microwave to the vaporize setting for 2 minutes. The room was periodically filled with a plaid shadow as the composition of the spam was altered by temperatures reaching the surface of the sun. After 2 minutes, he opened the door to the microwave and pulled out the plate. The block of spam was no longer there, and in its place was something edible.
"We should watch the surveillance video before we go to bed" Ethan said flipping a switch underneath the kitchen counter. The fridge rotated completely around revealing a set of stairs leading down. Down in the hidden room, all of the monitors came on at once. Ethan started to review all the videos for the night with much interest. He already knew for the most part what happened already thanks to Nikki, but never the less watched Zane get mugged over and over again rewinding and replaying the same part till he lost interest.
Nikki said "Copy that to the internet and send it to everyone we know."
"I'm already on it" Ethan responded immediately.
Coming back up and closing the secret door, they both headed into the bedroom. Nikki said "They're going to be analyzing that key you gave them all night, and that should keep them occupied for a while. I don't figure I'll have to monitor their communications anymore tonight, so got room for one more in that bed?"
Ethan laughed. "You already know the answer to that!"
"I know" she replied.
Ethan added as he turned out the lights, "Tomorrow we'll take care of some loose ends."
Nikki whispered "Understatement."
"What?" Ethan asked.
Nikki laughed. "Nothing, good night"
Chapter 7: The Unexpected Job
Anna pulled out her phone again and dialed the number on Zane's business card. "Hello, Zane? This is Anna. You know the one who was at the wrong house earlier? Yeah I'm in that taxi right behind you, I need to talk to you. I may have a job for you." She hung up the phone and then immediately swerved the car in front of him, screaching to a halt.
Ethan frowned. He knew this wasn't going to end well. It's not often that potential clients chase him down in stolen taxis. And whenever that did happen, things always got much worse from that point on.
Anna go out and started to speak. "Anyway, you seem like a nice guy, and I have some business to attend to that will have me indisposed for a while. Whatever Suki has planned for you I can get called off if you watch my cats for me? It's just for 2 or 3 days tops."
Already trying to forget the events of the past couple minutes, Zane seemed hesitant about continuing the conversation. But then he though there could be some potential profit in this. Perhaps she will need an attorney or something someday and he'll have managed to have made a good impression with Anna. He saw this as a great business opportunity, so he humored her.
"Ok, Sure, I guess so… But only if you can guarantee the little gray one won't cut me up as soon as you look away". It was obvious he was afraid from the uneasiness in his voice and he did not want to underestimate Anna, that was for sure.
"Oh yes," She replied, "I have them all packed up in packing peanuts in the backseat already."
"Really?" he asked her.
Anna laughed. "No not really, so do you want the job or not?"
He thought for a second. He knew he was going to regret it but she was pretty and really seemed like she wanted his help. Reluctantly he nodded. "Yes."
Anna decided to seal the deal and play up her appreciation. "Oh thank you so much, I don't know what I would do without you." She knew her plans were falling into place. Get the cats over to his house, and let the fun begin. Most likely she wouldn't have to worry about him ever again and the cats would be out of the way for a little bit at least. "You'll have to accept payment after I get back, I haven't a thing on me."
Anna handed him the carrying cases that contained the three cats. "Now remember don't feed them after midnight and don't get them wet." She cautioned "Or they'll try to rent Gremlins at the local video store." After that, Anna got back in the taxi and drove away.
The walk home was uneventful but Zane couldn't help but feel he'd gotten himself in way over his head. He could swear that there was snickering coming from the carrying case the whole way home.
Finally arriving at Zane's home, he opened the case once he was inside and let the cats out. They seemed to make themselves at home almost immediately. Someone had stuck 'Hi My Name Is' stickers on their backs. Tigerlily, the oldest gray cat sat in the middle of the house where she could have a view of the whole house. She stared at Zane wherever he went which made him feel quite uncomfortable. She also never stopped giving him an evil look.
Suki, the black cat walked around like she owned the place, and plopped down in a chair and started licking herself. While Zane was distracted with Suki's performance, the kitten, Cleopatra scoped out the house, analyzing security concerns, tapping the phones, and ran around until she knew the exact layout of the house. Then she came back to relay the information to Tigerlily who looked less then interested the whole time. Zane caught a glimpse of the cats, who immediately stopped meowing to each other and looked at him like he had two heads.
Zane had no idea what was going on. But he was suspicious. He tried to watch them for as long as he could before he got really tired, and eventually went to bed because he had a big day in the morning.
The plan that the cats had been working on was set in motion finally. Tigerlily followed him to bed and laid at his feet. Suki and Cleo disappeared into another room and waited. After a little while, after they were sure Zane was asleep, Suki went into Zane's office while Cleo went into the bedroom.
Suddenly, Zane was awakened by a fan bouncing off of his head. "What the heck?" He scanned the dark room, and could find no movement anywhere. Was someone trying to kill him? He just lay there with horror as the pain in his head still throbbed. Was it a ghost? Tigerlily and Cleo stared at him for a moment before Tigerlily gave him the paw. Meanwhile, there was a banging and falling noise in the other room. What could it be? Zane was too scared to find out. Then the sound of a power drill and hammering. Moments later, silence again.
When Zane awoke the next morning, he noticed all three cats in the kitchen, and they immediately scattered when he entered the room. They were collaborating, he knew it.
The bruise on his head still hurt, and he so he walked over and took some pain killers from the medicine cabinet. Zane knew this was going to be a long day. He thought to himself "Where did that trapdoor in the floor come from? That wasn't there yesterday."
Ethan frowned. He knew this wasn't going to end well. It's not often that potential clients chase him down in stolen taxis. And whenever that did happen, things always got much worse from that point on.
Anna go out and started to speak. "Anyway, you seem like a nice guy, and I have some business to attend to that will have me indisposed for a while. Whatever Suki has planned for you I can get called off if you watch my cats for me? It's just for 2 or 3 days tops."
Already trying to forget the events of the past couple minutes, Zane seemed hesitant about continuing the conversation. But then he though there could be some potential profit in this. Perhaps she will need an attorney or something someday and he'll have managed to have made a good impression with Anna. He saw this as a great business opportunity, so he humored her.
"Ok, Sure, I guess so… But only if you can guarantee the little gray one won't cut me up as soon as you look away". It was obvious he was afraid from the uneasiness in his voice and he did not want to underestimate Anna, that was for sure.
"Oh yes," She replied, "I have them all packed up in packing peanuts in the backseat already."
"Really?" he asked her.
Anna laughed. "No not really, so do you want the job or not?"
He thought for a second. He knew he was going to regret it but she was pretty and really seemed like she wanted his help. Reluctantly he nodded. "Yes."
Anna decided to seal the deal and play up her appreciation. "Oh thank you so much, I don't know what I would do without you." She knew her plans were falling into place. Get the cats over to his house, and let the fun begin. Most likely she wouldn't have to worry about him ever again and the cats would be out of the way for a little bit at least. "You'll have to accept payment after I get back, I haven't a thing on me."
Anna handed him the carrying cases that contained the three cats. "Now remember don't feed them after midnight and don't get them wet." She cautioned "Or they'll try to rent Gremlins at the local video store." After that, Anna got back in the taxi and drove away.
The walk home was uneventful but Zane couldn't help but feel he'd gotten himself in way over his head. He could swear that there was snickering coming from the carrying case the whole way home.
Finally arriving at Zane's home, he opened the case once he was inside and let the cats out. They seemed to make themselves at home almost immediately. Someone had stuck 'Hi My Name Is' stickers on their backs. Tigerlily, the oldest gray cat sat in the middle of the house where she could have a view of the whole house. She stared at Zane wherever he went which made him feel quite uncomfortable. She also never stopped giving him an evil look.
Suki, the black cat walked around like she owned the place, and plopped down in a chair and started licking herself. While Zane was distracted with Suki's performance, the kitten, Cleopatra scoped out the house, analyzing security concerns, tapping the phones, and ran around until she knew the exact layout of the house. Then she came back to relay the information to Tigerlily who looked less then interested the whole time. Zane caught a glimpse of the cats, who immediately stopped meowing to each other and looked at him like he had two heads.
Zane had no idea what was going on. But he was suspicious. He tried to watch them for as long as he could before he got really tired, and eventually went to bed because he had a big day in the morning.
The plan that the cats had been working on was set in motion finally. Tigerlily followed him to bed and laid at his feet. Suki and Cleo disappeared into another room and waited. After a little while, after they were sure Zane was asleep, Suki went into Zane's office while Cleo went into the bedroom.
Suddenly, Zane was awakened by a fan bouncing off of his head. "What the heck?" He scanned the dark room, and could find no movement anywhere. Was someone trying to kill him? He just lay there with horror as the pain in his head still throbbed. Was it a ghost? Tigerlily and Cleo stared at him for a moment before Tigerlily gave him the paw. Meanwhile, there was a banging and falling noise in the other room. What could it be? Zane was too scared to find out. Then the sound of a power drill and hammering. Moments later, silence again.
When Zane awoke the next morning, he noticed all three cats in the kitchen, and they immediately scattered when he entered the room. They were collaborating, he knew it.
The bruise on his head still hurt, and he so he walked over and took some pain killers from the medicine cabinet. Zane knew this was going to be a long day. He thought to himself "Where did that trapdoor in the floor come from? That wasn't there yesterday."
Thursday, October 18, 2007
Chapter 6: Possible Evil Schemes
Anna watched from the window as Zane disappeared down the street as fast as he could. She breathed a sign of relief.
"Well that could have gone better. I am glad he left though. He could have seriously messed up my purpose here. It's so tiring pretending to be crazy. I hate having visitors too, not when I'm working, and especially unexpected ones."
Looking around the kitchen, she found a business card that Zane had left. She reached for her phone and quick dialed her friend Millie.
"Millie, its me...
The dumb lawyer is finally gone...
I don't know, he just showed up while I was trying to snoop around...
I don't think he suspects a thing....
I just needed to talk to someone intelligent, but you'll do I guess...
I kind of figured they'd be on their way home by now...
I better finish up here quick then...
Send a cleaning crew here, I broke a window...
Crazy cat lady means I'm crazy, not the cats....
What the heck kind of cats live here anyways?...
Millie, I have to go, Amber's calling me..."
Anna switched over to Amber's call and switched it to speakerphone so she could sweep up the glass in the kitchen. "Hello this is Anna"
Amber said excitedly. "They were just over and they gave me something. I did a gypsy reading on it and you'll never guess what I found."
Anna then said. "Ok I'll be right over. I have a couple more loose ends to tie up here. Their lawyer or whatever was here looking for them. He tried to use all kinds of lame antics to trick me. I have a plan to eliminate him that will also take care of another problem I'm having."
"Be careful when you get over here. My landlord is trying to collect rent money again." Amber advised "You may need some sort of distraction to get in the apartment uninjured."
Anna thought for a second. "We could ask the Russians to drop another space station maybe."
"Actually I don't think they had more then just the one" Amber answered.
"Really, ok well I'll think of something." Anna tried to think of other distractions she could use.
"Actually it might not be as big an issue. I haven't heard him out there since around the time that Ethan and Nikki left. Perhaps he went in pursuit of them." Amber held a life-sized replica of her head up to the window and waited for the sound of gunfire. "No, I don't think he's out there anymore."
"Ok Amber, I'll be right over. Just have to take care of some business on the way."
Anna hung up the phone and then located the cat carrier in the other room. She quickly as she could rounded up all three cats, the mean old gray one, the black one, and the little gray kitten placing each into the carrier. She then stepped outside with cat carrier in hand. On the way past the mailman, she did a final bow of respect to a fallen master ninja before running down to the end of the driveway.
"I find it surprising how many taxi's run down this dead end street" she thought to herself as she flagged down a taxi. The taxi screeched to a halt inches from her. She pushed the carrier into the backseat before walking around to the driver's door. "I'm going to need to comandeer this vehicle" she said as she flashed her credentials.
The taxi driver asked "Why? And did you just flash me a coupon booklet."
"Too many questions, not enough getting out of the car" Anna said as she pulled the door open and ripped the driver out of the taxi. She climbed into the driver seat and proceeded to speed away leaving the driver dazed on the ground. "Can you believe the nerve of some people?" she muttered to herself as she drove towards the city.
"Well that could have gone better. I am glad he left though. He could have seriously messed up my purpose here. It's so tiring pretending to be crazy. I hate having visitors too, not when I'm working, and especially unexpected ones."
Looking around the kitchen, she found a business card that Zane had left. She reached for her phone and quick dialed her friend Millie.
"Millie, its me...
The dumb lawyer is finally gone...
I don't know, he just showed up while I was trying to snoop around...
I don't think he suspects a thing....
I just needed to talk to someone intelligent, but you'll do I guess...
I kind of figured they'd be on their way home by now...
I better finish up here quick then...
Send a cleaning crew here, I broke a window...
Crazy cat lady means I'm crazy, not the cats....
What the heck kind of cats live here anyways?...
Millie, I have to go, Amber's calling me..."
Anna switched over to Amber's call and switched it to speakerphone so she could sweep up the glass in the kitchen. "Hello this is Anna"
Amber said excitedly. "They were just over and they gave me something. I did a gypsy reading on it and you'll never guess what I found."
Anna then said. "Ok I'll be right over. I have a couple more loose ends to tie up here. Their lawyer or whatever was here looking for them. He tried to use all kinds of lame antics to trick me. I have a plan to eliminate him that will also take care of another problem I'm having."
"Be careful when you get over here. My landlord is trying to collect rent money again." Amber advised "You may need some sort of distraction to get in the apartment uninjured."
Anna thought for a second. "We could ask the Russians to drop another space station maybe."
"Actually I don't think they had more then just the one" Amber answered.
"Really, ok well I'll think of something." Anna tried to think of other distractions she could use.
"Actually it might not be as big an issue. I haven't heard him out there since around the time that Ethan and Nikki left. Perhaps he went in pursuit of them." Amber held a life-sized replica of her head up to the window and waited for the sound of gunfire. "No, I don't think he's out there anymore."
"Ok Amber, I'll be right over. Just have to take care of some business on the way."
Anna hung up the phone and then located the cat carrier in the other room. She quickly as she could rounded up all three cats, the mean old gray one, the black one, and the little gray kitten placing each into the carrier. She then stepped outside with cat carrier in hand. On the way past the mailman, she did a final bow of respect to a fallen master ninja before running down to the end of the driveway.
"I find it surprising how many taxi's run down this dead end street" she thought to herself as she flagged down a taxi. The taxi screeched to a halt inches from her. She pushed the carrier into the backseat before walking around to the driver's door. "I'm going to need to comandeer this vehicle" she said as she flashed her credentials.
The taxi driver asked "Why? And did you just flash me a coupon booklet."
"Too many questions, not enough getting out of the car" Anna said as she pulled the door open and ripped the driver out of the taxi. She climbed into the driver seat and proceeded to speed away leaving the driver dazed on the ground. "Can you believe the nerve of some people?" she muttered to herself as she drove towards the city.
Chapter 5: In the Line of Fire
Amber lived just off campus, and so the trip for Ethan and Nikki was pretty short. They pulled into a parking spot in the parking lot next to Amber's apartment complex. Walking up to the door of Amber's apartment, both Nikki and Ethan couldn't help but notice that the door was riddled with bullet holes. Ethan said "That can't be good."
Nikki scanned the area. "Yeah I see him, sniper on top of the building over there. Can you provide me with cover?"
Ethan said "Well I'm a little rusty with the banjo and I don't know any of your songs so.."
Nikki punched Ethan in the shoulder. "No I don't need to you cover band me, provide cover from the sniper fire!"
Ethan nodded. "Oh right." Ethan pulled the trash can lids off the ground and formed a shield out of them. "OK ready, GO!"
The two of them hiding behind the trash lid shield, moved over to Amber's door and knocked. A voice from within said "There's no one home."
Nikki yelled back "It's us, open up already!"
A couple moments later, the door opened slightly and a pair of eyes looked out. "One moment, I don't have any clothes on." The door closed for another minute or so before reopening. "Come on in" Amber said. "The landlord has been lurking around across the street with a high powered rifle. So if you value your heads, you'll move in quickly."
Ethan and Nikki quickly moved inside and slammed the door behind them. Ethan tossed the trash lids to the side. "You know if you'd pay the rent on time, I doubt he'd be out there making a big fuss" Ethan commented.
"You're supposed to pay rent? Well this sure explains a lot. Though where's the fun in that?" she replied.
He didn't have a good response to that. "Good point." Ethan sat down in a chair near the center of the room. "Sorry to bother you like this but we were on our way home and had to stop in to drop off something." He dug around in his pants pocket for a minute. "It was here earlier, where did I put that damn thing?" He started digging in the back pockets and then in the pockets on his coat. "Son of a..."
Nikki after a few more minutes of watching Ethan pat himself down looking for something, removed her necklace. She then slid a key that was hanging on it off the chain and handed it to Ethan before returning the necklace to her neck. Ethan looked at the key, then handed it to Amber.
"Is this..?" Amber began to say.
"Yeah, it is, don't lose that." Ethan interrupted. "We're all counting on you."
Amber attached the key to her necklace. "Thanks, I suppose I am to take this to the volcano it was forged in and only there can it be truly be destroyed. I'll be pursued every step of the way by endless hoards of baddies and creatures I couldn't possibly defeat on my own. Therefore I'll have to patch together a ragtag band of companions that resemble more a bunch of idiots then actual allies, of which at least half of them will continuously do things to under-mind, back stab, or otherwise hinder my progress as I move towards my ultimate goal?"
Ethan frowned. "Well actually as much fun as that sounds, you're just going to use it to open a door soon."
"Oh OK" Amber responded.
Ethan added "Though that part about your companions being a bunch of idiots is probably still accurate. And yes some of them will probably hinder or undermine you every step of the way. But what are friends for?"
"So I have to ask" Nikki cut in. "If you're a gypsy, why do you live in a house?"
Amber laughed at the question. "Catch up with the times, we still live in tents, but we don't get Internet in the tents. We therefore set up our tents inside houses that can get Internet service. Though its not our style to pay for things, so most of us still don't have Internet."
Ethan said "I did not know that. I learn something new everyday. Well that's all the official business we have here. How are things going?"
"Well as you can probably imagine, I'm not too fond of the landlord out there with the big gun. But otherwise things are going pretty good. I've just about received my degree in Gypsytology at the university, I have another couple more weeks."
"Well Ethan and I should get going, what's the safest way out of here?" Nikki asked. "We'd prefer to be a little more subtle with our exit.
Amber responded "By safest, do you mean the only way you'll probably survive leaving here? That would probably be the trapdoor."
"What trapdoor?" both Nikki and Ethan asked at the same time.
Amber pointed at the floor around where Ethan and Nikki were. "The one underneath you. How convenient." She then pulled a lever in the floor which caused her toaster to explode in a cloud of smoke and burnt bread. "Lets try this again shall we?" She then pulled the lever next to the first one. She watched as the floor gave way underneath Nikki and Ethan sending them down a chute before the floor returned to its normal position. "One of these days, I'm going to get to try that on myself" she said to herself.
Moments later, Nikki and Ethan found themselves on a large pile of newspapers underneath Amber's patio. Ethan said "Damn it."
Nikki asked "What, whats wrong, that didn't hurt at all?"
"I've already read this comic section" he responded before crumpling up that newspaper and tossing it aside. Nikki rolled up a newspaper and bopped Ethan on the head. "Hey!"
The two of them snuck back up to where the car was and quickly go inside. They then sped away as fast as they could. Ethan could have swore he saw a man with a high powered rifle in his hand standing in the road but lost sight of the him moments later. He was distracted by a dull thump as the car drove over something.
"The two events couldn't possibly be related" Ethan thought to himself.
Nikki scanned the area. "Yeah I see him, sniper on top of the building over there. Can you provide me with cover?"
Ethan said "Well I'm a little rusty with the banjo and I don't know any of your songs so.."
Nikki punched Ethan in the shoulder. "No I don't need to you cover band me, provide cover from the sniper fire!"
Ethan nodded. "Oh right." Ethan pulled the trash can lids off the ground and formed a shield out of them. "OK ready, GO!"
The two of them hiding behind the trash lid shield, moved over to Amber's door and knocked. A voice from within said "There's no one home."
Nikki yelled back "It's us, open up already!"
A couple moments later, the door opened slightly and a pair of eyes looked out. "One moment, I don't have any clothes on." The door closed for another minute or so before reopening. "Come on in" Amber said. "The landlord has been lurking around across the street with a high powered rifle. So if you value your heads, you'll move in quickly."
Ethan and Nikki quickly moved inside and slammed the door behind them. Ethan tossed the trash lids to the side. "You know if you'd pay the rent on time, I doubt he'd be out there making a big fuss" Ethan commented.
"You're supposed to pay rent? Well this sure explains a lot. Though where's the fun in that?" she replied.
He didn't have a good response to that. "Good point." Ethan sat down in a chair near the center of the room. "Sorry to bother you like this but we were on our way home and had to stop in to drop off something." He dug around in his pants pocket for a minute. "It was here earlier, where did I put that damn thing?" He started digging in the back pockets and then in the pockets on his coat. "Son of a..."
Nikki after a few more minutes of watching Ethan pat himself down looking for something, removed her necklace. She then slid a key that was hanging on it off the chain and handed it to Ethan before returning the necklace to her neck. Ethan looked at the key, then handed it to Amber.
"Is this..?" Amber began to say.
"Yeah, it is, don't lose that." Ethan interrupted. "We're all counting on you."
Amber attached the key to her necklace. "Thanks, I suppose I am to take this to the volcano it was forged in and only there can it be truly be destroyed. I'll be pursued every step of the way by endless hoards of baddies and creatures I couldn't possibly defeat on my own. Therefore I'll have to patch together a ragtag band of companions that resemble more a bunch of idiots then actual allies, of which at least half of them will continuously do things to under-mind, back stab, or otherwise hinder my progress as I move towards my ultimate goal?"
Ethan frowned. "Well actually as much fun as that sounds, you're just going to use it to open a door soon."
"Oh OK" Amber responded.
Ethan added "Though that part about your companions being a bunch of idiots is probably still accurate. And yes some of them will probably hinder or undermine you every step of the way. But what are friends for?"
"So I have to ask" Nikki cut in. "If you're a gypsy, why do you live in a house?"
Amber laughed at the question. "Catch up with the times, we still live in tents, but we don't get Internet in the tents. We therefore set up our tents inside houses that can get Internet service. Though its not our style to pay for things, so most of us still don't have Internet."
Ethan said "I did not know that. I learn something new everyday. Well that's all the official business we have here. How are things going?"
"Well as you can probably imagine, I'm not too fond of the landlord out there with the big gun. But otherwise things are going pretty good. I've just about received my degree in Gypsytology at the university, I have another couple more weeks."
"Well Ethan and I should get going, what's the safest way out of here?" Nikki asked. "We'd prefer to be a little more subtle with our exit.
Amber responded "By safest, do you mean the only way you'll probably survive leaving here? That would probably be the trapdoor."
"What trapdoor?" both Nikki and Ethan asked at the same time.
Amber pointed at the floor around where Ethan and Nikki were. "The one underneath you. How convenient." She then pulled a lever in the floor which caused her toaster to explode in a cloud of smoke and burnt bread. "Lets try this again shall we?" She then pulled the lever next to the first one. She watched as the floor gave way underneath Nikki and Ethan sending them down a chute before the floor returned to its normal position. "One of these days, I'm going to get to try that on myself" she said to herself.
Moments later, Nikki and Ethan found themselves on a large pile of newspapers underneath Amber's patio. Ethan said "Damn it."
Nikki asked "What, whats wrong, that didn't hurt at all?"
"I've already read this comic section" he responded before crumpling up that newspaper and tossing it aside. Nikki rolled up a newspaper and bopped Ethan on the head. "Hey!"
The two of them snuck back up to where the car was and quickly go inside. They then sped away as fast as they could. Ethan could have swore he saw a man with a high powered rifle in his hand standing in the road but lost sight of the him moments later. He was distracted by a dull thump as the car drove over something.
"The two events couldn't possibly be related" Ethan thought to himself.
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
Chapter 4: One Drink Wasn't Enough
"What are you still doing out here?" Anna asked Zane through the screen door. "You've been standing out there for an hour now staring at the driveway. And why is there a dead postman on my porch?"
Zane looked back at Anna as innocently as possible. "This gentleman was dead when I got here."
Anna spoke with a hint of irritation. "I distinctly remember when I was talking to you earlier that there was in fact no dead bodies on the porch. None is one less then one dead body which I now see before me. I'm also pretty sure he did not just stab himself multiple times in the eye and then somehow crawl up the steps here without you noticing. Postmen might be ninjas but they're not that good, especially when they're injured."
Zane shrugged. "Perhaps I'll take you up on those couple of shots of vodka you were offering earlier."
"I never offered.." she began to say but it was too late. Zane had already pushed passed Anna into the house and was heading towards the kitchen.
Almost immediately after Zane had entered the house, he found his way blocked by a little gray kitten sitting in front of him. He looked down at it and it looked back up with big eyes. "Your cat has a knife, what should I do?" he asked Anna.
"I'm not really sure what to tell you" she said rubbing some bandages on her arms. "Most likely she wants something from you, maybe your wallet. But then again, if she just doesn't like you...."
Zane reached into his pocket and pulled out a wallet and tossed it into the awaiting outstretched paw. The kitten slashed the front of his pants leg before darting away with the wallet in her mouth. "I've got to be honest with you miss, I've never been mugged before by a cat. What exactly is going on here?"
Anna shrugged. "I couldn't tell you, I just live here. I don't think anyone ever found the last guy that came in unwelcome."
Zane took a moment to let her comments sink in before continuing much more cautiously towards the kitchen. After fixing himself a drink, he sat down at the kitchen table. Anna took a seat opposite him with her own drink.
Zane sighed. "It may have been a mistake coming here. I was expecting some other people to be living here. So either I'm at the wrong house, which could be possible since that taxi driver was a little strange. The other possibility is that you're not telling me everything."
"You know, come to think of it, a lot of things do go missing from time to time from the fridge and I hear the water running in the morning. And there's a whole lot of clothing in the closets that isn't mine."
Zane thought maybe she was finally figuring out someone else lived in this house with her. He was wrong.
"I'm obviously in the wrong house" Anna said suddenly. She then got up and went out the front door without another word leaving Zane all alone. He sat there staring blindly at where Anna had sat just a few moments ago maybe a little dumbfounded about what had just happened. No more then a minute passed before Anna came diving through the window behind him with a loud crash and the shattering of the window pane. She got up, brushed the broken glass off her, and sat down in front of Zane again.
"There, all better" she said to herself before noticing Zane. "Oh hey did you follow me to the right house?"
Zane looked at her for a second as his jaw dropped just a little bit. He regathered his composure before nodding at her. "Yes"
"I'm glad we were able to clear up that misunderstanding" Anna said triumpantly.
Zane smiled politely and said "I should go" as he stood up. He began to make his way to the door. Something was very wrong here and he was pretty sure it wasn't a safe situation to be in.
Anna turned to watch him leave and said "Let yourself out, but don't make eye contact with the black cat."
Zane wished he had heard that warning just a couple seconds earlier because he had just did what she told him not to do. Staring back at him was the black cat Anna spoke of, looking at him with her big yellow eyes. There was little movement from the cat as it stared at him blankly. He couldn't bring himself to look away because he figured the damage had already been done. After a couple moments, the black cat pulled out a pen and pad and wrote something down on it.
Anna said "Yeah maybe I should have said that a little faster. Well it was nice knowing you mister. And by that I mean not really." Anna waved at Zane.
Zane hearing this and decided it was really time to depart as he made his way quickly out the door and down the driveway toward the road. "That could have gone better" he said to himself as he started to sprint away as fast as he could.
Back in the house, Anna watched the black cat get down from the couch and move over to the phone to place a call. She muttered to herself "Finally I can get back to work without interlopers around."
Zane looked back at Anna as innocently as possible. "This gentleman was dead when I got here."
Anna spoke with a hint of irritation. "I distinctly remember when I was talking to you earlier that there was in fact no dead bodies on the porch. None is one less then one dead body which I now see before me. I'm also pretty sure he did not just stab himself multiple times in the eye and then somehow crawl up the steps here without you noticing. Postmen might be ninjas but they're not that good, especially when they're injured."
Zane shrugged. "Perhaps I'll take you up on those couple of shots of vodka you were offering earlier."
"I never offered.." she began to say but it was too late. Zane had already pushed passed Anna into the house and was heading towards the kitchen.
Almost immediately after Zane had entered the house, he found his way blocked by a little gray kitten sitting in front of him. He looked down at it and it looked back up with big eyes. "Your cat has a knife, what should I do?" he asked Anna.
"I'm not really sure what to tell you" she said rubbing some bandages on her arms. "Most likely she wants something from you, maybe your wallet. But then again, if she just doesn't like you...."
Zane reached into his pocket and pulled out a wallet and tossed it into the awaiting outstretched paw. The kitten slashed the front of his pants leg before darting away with the wallet in her mouth. "I've got to be honest with you miss, I've never been mugged before by a cat. What exactly is going on here?"
Anna shrugged. "I couldn't tell you, I just live here. I don't think anyone ever found the last guy that came in unwelcome."
Zane took a moment to let her comments sink in before continuing much more cautiously towards the kitchen. After fixing himself a drink, he sat down at the kitchen table. Anna took a seat opposite him with her own drink.
Zane sighed. "It may have been a mistake coming here. I was expecting some other people to be living here. So either I'm at the wrong house, which could be possible since that taxi driver was a little strange. The other possibility is that you're not telling me everything."
"You know, come to think of it, a lot of things do go missing from time to time from the fridge and I hear the water running in the morning. And there's a whole lot of clothing in the closets that isn't mine."
Zane thought maybe she was finally figuring out someone else lived in this house with her. He was wrong.
"I'm obviously in the wrong house" Anna said suddenly. She then got up and went out the front door without another word leaving Zane all alone. He sat there staring blindly at where Anna had sat just a few moments ago maybe a little dumbfounded about what had just happened. No more then a minute passed before Anna came diving through the window behind him with a loud crash and the shattering of the window pane. She got up, brushed the broken glass off her, and sat down in front of Zane again.
"There, all better" she said to herself before noticing Zane. "Oh hey did you follow me to the right house?"
Zane looked at her for a second as his jaw dropped just a little bit. He regathered his composure before nodding at her. "Yes"
"I'm glad we were able to clear up that misunderstanding" Anna said triumpantly.
Zane smiled politely and said "I should go" as he stood up. He began to make his way to the door. Something was very wrong here and he was pretty sure it wasn't a safe situation to be in.
Anna turned to watch him leave and said "Let yourself out, but don't make eye contact with the black cat."
Zane wished he had heard that warning just a couple seconds earlier because he had just did what she told him not to do. Staring back at him was the black cat Anna spoke of, looking at him with her big yellow eyes. There was little movement from the cat as it stared at him blankly. He couldn't bring himself to look away because he figured the damage had already been done. After a couple moments, the black cat pulled out a pen and pad and wrote something down on it.
Anna said "Yeah maybe I should have said that a little faster. Well it was nice knowing you mister. And by that I mean not really." Anna waved at Zane.
Zane hearing this and decided it was really time to depart as he made his way quickly out the door and down the driveway toward the road. "That could have gone better" he said to himself as he started to sprint away as fast as he could.
Back in the house, Anna watched the black cat get down from the couch and move over to the phone to place a call. She muttered to herself "Finally I can get back to work without interlopers around."
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
Chapter 3: Who Says Libraries are Boring
"I can't believe we survived that last combat" Millie said excitedly.
Ethan thought for a second before responding. "I'm pretty surprised too. I can fix that though. Rocks fall, you die." He then picked up her character sheet, crumbled it up and bounced the ball of paper off of Millie's head. "Head shot!"
Millie frowned. "Really? Is my character dead?"
Ethan laughed. "No but your character sheet got crumbled up, your character walks with a limp now. Oh and copy your information to a clean sheet by next week."
Nikki picked up the crumbled character sheet and handed it to Millie. "That's what you get for being a kiss-up to the DM. Run along now!"
After packing up all their materials, Nikki and Ethan carried everything to the car. After securing things back in the trunk and repositioning the body back there, they turned to face a group of approaching people. Squinting, Ethan said "I can't make out who they are, better prepare for the worst. Do you have my back?"
"What kind of a question is that? Of course I do. Me and you through thick and thin right?" Ethan pulled out his number 2 pencil, freshly sharpened. Nikki asked "Do you really think that's going to help defend you?"
Ethan responded "I hope so, since number 3 pencils are against the law, I'll have to settle for the lesser pencil. Pencils don't kill people, the lead kills people."
"Actually... pencil's don't have lead in them anymore" Nikki retorted.
Ethan looked down at his sharpened writing instrument frowning. All sad and dejected he tossed the pencil aside. "What's the world coming to? No lead in pencils? I guess I'll just use this" he said as Ethan pulled out his handgun.
After the group passed the two of them without incident, Ethan and Nikki made their way back inside to finish one more thing. Upon re-entering the building, Ethan walked into the open elevator. He pressed all the buttons at once and dived out as the doors closed, landing at the feet of a tall man with a bushy beard. Ethan looked up. "Hey Bernard, how you doing?"
Before he could answer, there was a loud grinding noise as the elevator attempted to visit every floor similtaneously. A whiff of smoke shot out the crack in the elevator doors. Bernard helped Ethan to his feet. "We just got that fixed Ethan."
Nikki cut in. "We were going to solve the age old question of whether the lights in the elevator go off when the doors close if no one is inside. I think Ethan decided to improvise a little in our experiment."
Ethan said "Sorry, my bad. Oh Bernard, I was meaning to ask, what's with the giant hole in the ceiling over there?"
Bernard chuckled. "Well apparently a piece of the Russian space station came crashing down through the roof of the library into Jill's office. You'd figure the Russians would keep better track of their stuff."
Ethan sifted through the wreckage and debris before saying "Oh a red stapler!" as he picked it up and put it in his pocket.
Nikki asked "Was Jill in her office at the time?"
Bernard shrugged. "It's funny, no one's asked that yet until now. Lets go ask her if she's ok." Bernard climbed into the wreckage until he found Jill. "Jill, you alright."
Nikki frowned. "I'm not thinking she's doing so well, that's a support beam through her head."
Bernard whispered. "Shh, you're not supposed to address her disability unless she brings it up first."
Nikki moved closer. "She's obviously dead."
Bernard took a closer look himself. "Are you sure? We don't want to get hit with a lawsuit for discrimination against people with support beams through their heads. It's a surprisingly frequent condition in some places."
Nikki nodded. "Yeah I'm sure she's just dead."
Bernard pulled an envelope off the desk. "I guess we won't need to be paying her anymore. I'll just take this check back, for safe keeping."
Ethan said "Alright lets get going Nikki, we need to stop over at Amber's on the way home. I have something to give her. See you later Bernard. Thanks for the stapler." Ethan and Nikki made their way back to the car and got in.
Ethan thought for a second before responding. "I'm pretty surprised too. I can fix that though. Rocks fall, you die." He then picked up her character sheet, crumbled it up and bounced the ball of paper off of Millie's head. "Head shot!"
Millie frowned. "Really? Is my character dead?"
Ethan laughed. "No but your character sheet got crumbled up, your character walks with a limp now. Oh and copy your information to a clean sheet by next week."
Nikki picked up the crumbled character sheet and handed it to Millie. "That's what you get for being a kiss-up to the DM. Run along now!"
After packing up all their materials, Nikki and Ethan carried everything to the car. After securing things back in the trunk and repositioning the body back there, they turned to face a group of approaching people. Squinting, Ethan said "I can't make out who they are, better prepare for the worst. Do you have my back?"
"What kind of a question is that? Of course I do. Me and you through thick and thin right?" Ethan pulled out his number 2 pencil, freshly sharpened. Nikki asked "Do you really think that's going to help defend you?"
Ethan responded "I hope so, since number 3 pencils are against the law, I'll have to settle for the lesser pencil. Pencils don't kill people, the lead kills people."
"Actually... pencil's don't have lead in them anymore" Nikki retorted.
Ethan looked down at his sharpened writing instrument frowning. All sad and dejected he tossed the pencil aside. "What's the world coming to? No lead in pencils? I guess I'll just use this" he said as Ethan pulled out his handgun.
After the group passed the two of them without incident, Ethan and Nikki made their way back inside to finish one more thing. Upon re-entering the building, Ethan walked into the open elevator. He pressed all the buttons at once and dived out as the doors closed, landing at the feet of a tall man with a bushy beard. Ethan looked up. "Hey Bernard, how you doing?"
Before he could answer, there was a loud grinding noise as the elevator attempted to visit every floor similtaneously. A whiff of smoke shot out the crack in the elevator doors. Bernard helped Ethan to his feet. "We just got that fixed Ethan."
Nikki cut in. "We were going to solve the age old question of whether the lights in the elevator go off when the doors close if no one is inside. I think Ethan decided to improvise a little in our experiment."
Ethan said "Sorry, my bad. Oh Bernard, I was meaning to ask, what's with the giant hole in the ceiling over there?"
Bernard chuckled. "Well apparently a piece of the Russian space station came crashing down through the roof of the library into Jill's office. You'd figure the Russians would keep better track of their stuff."
Ethan sifted through the wreckage and debris before saying "Oh a red stapler!" as he picked it up and put it in his pocket.
Nikki asked "Was Jill in her office at the time?"
Bernard shrugged. "It's funny, no one's asked that yet until now. Lets go ask her if she's ok." Bernard climbed into the wreckage until he found Jill. "Jill, you alright."
Nikki frowned. "I'm not thinking she's doing so well, that's a support beam through her head."
Bernard whispered. "Shh, you're not supposed to address her disability unless she brings it up first."
Nikki moved closer. "She's obviously dead."
Bernard took a closer look himself. "Are you sure? We don't want to get hit with a lawsuit for discrimination against people with support beams through their heads. It's a surprisingly frequent condition in some places."
Nikki nodded. "Yeah I'm sure she's just dead."
Bernard pulled an envelope off the desk. "I guess we won't need to be paying her anymore. I'll just take this check back, for safe keeping."
Ethan said "Alright lets get going Nikki, we need to stop over at Amber's on the way home. I have something to give her. See you later Bernard. Thanks for the stapler." Ethan and Nikki made their way back to the car and got in.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
