"Where are you two going?" Jade yelled out to Ethan as he walked back to his car.
"I'm going to work, apparently they expect me to show up every day or something. If you ask me, that's asking too much from someone. I'm bringing Nikki along to keep my company, I know you have better things to do, she doesn't though."
"Hey!" Nikki said as she shoved Ethan's head into the hood of the car making a loud banging noise.
Again Jade yelled out of the house. "What was that loud banging noise?"
"Nothing dear, Ethan tripped and fell into the hood of the car, he'll be alright" Nikki called back. She whispered to Ethan "Noses grow back eventually right?"
Ethan holding his face said "For your sake, I hope so! Lets go already before I have any more accidents. By the way, wasn't it convenent that the reward for completing that quest with the homeless guy was a Green Mustang in roughly the same shape as my old car before the cats blew it up."
Nikki laughed. "You'd have figured he would have used it as shelter instead of that box"
Ethan sighed. "That's not how quest givers work. They take everything that people bring them from completing the task, destroy it and they have a constant supply of the reward just lying around. Did you see that car lot on the other side of the alley he lives in, filled with green mustangs in roughly the same shape? There's a provider for everything I hear. You want half chewed pieces of mint flavored dental floss, you just need to call up Minty McGinty."
After a quick drive that involved the use of a couple sidewalks, the bottom of the lake in the middle of the city park, and a shortcut through a golf course, they arrived at Ethan's place of employment. He worked at a computer lab helping people with their technical issues. Upon arriving, he took his position at a round table in the center of the lab. This table was on a slightly raised rotating platform. As time passed, his view would slowly rotate around the room. Ethan liked to mess with the motor that controlled the motion of the platform to make it spin fast enough to throw all the computers off the desk. The management recently had been trying to cut down on the destruction of equipment in this manner and had asked him in the nicest way possible to 'knock it off with the knocking things off'.
Almost immediately after sitting down, a woman came up to him looking all distraught. "Can you help me sir, I'm having problems finding my files."
"Sure lets see what we got here." Ethan followed her back to a workstation which had a large folder open with about one hundred thousand files in it, all seeming to be composed of random letters in the file names. "Your files are in here? What did you call them?"
"Oh that's easy, I named each file with a combination of 8 to 14 random letters that have no pattern at all and saved them in this junk folder filled with garbage files named with a combination of 8 to 14 random letters."
Ethan frowned. "And you lost your files in here? Do you remember what the random file names were or write them down or something?"
"No"
"Then why did you do that, didn't you realize you would get them lost if you put them in this folder and gave them random file names?"
"It hadn't occurred to me at the time. So can you get my files back now?"
Ethan's jaw dropped a little bit as he stared blindly in the direction of the computer screen. "No I'm sorry we can't help idiots on Tuesdays."
"But today is Thursday"
"Yeah we can't help idiots on Thursdays either. Actually I'll go so far as say you should leave now." Ethan unplugged the monitor and computer calmly. He then pushed both into the burning barrel at the end of the table. "I hope the fires can cleanse the stupid from this computer" he added as he stared at the dancing flames.
"What am I going to do now?" the woman asked.
"Go rent a car, that always makes me feel better, goodbye now!" Ethan said as he pushed her out the door.
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
Chapter 22: The Ride Home
"You win this one Petko!" Ethan said aloud as he shook his fist in the air.
"Why do you always do that whenever you're showing you're displeased with something?" Jade asked as she drove the HUMV home.
"It just feels like the right thing to do when the moment arises." he replied.
"I hardly think this is one of those appropriate situations for such an action. All I did was change the station, I don't like that song, it gets stuck in my head. Then the secret messages in the music tell me about which statues don't love me anymore. I have to run them down with the vehicle so that they will love me again. Usually I can ignore them but if the song gets stuck in my head, I have to eventually break down and listen."
Nikki interrupted. "Hey have you seen Tigerlily? I haven't seen her since we left."
Jade and Ethan looked around the vehicle. Suki's tail was hanging out of the open glove compartment, swaying slowly back and forth as she slept. If Suki could find somewhere she couldn't fit, she'd try to sleep there.
Cleopatra was apparently sleeping in the backseat curled up in a ball with one paw on the rocket launcher. "We really should get that away from her soon" Jade said. Cleopatra stirred for a moment, looked at Jade with big kitten eyes and made a short kitten squeak noise. "And by that I mean we should let her keep it." Cleopatra after hearing Jade, rested her head against her body and tried to go back to sleep.
"I'm not seeing her" Ethan said finally after looking everywhere in the vehicle. "Did we really leave her?" Cleopatra stirred again and pointed a paw at the roof of the car. "What are you trying to tell me Cleo, is Tigerlily trapped in a well?"
Jade said "No, check the roof, stick your head up the machine gun hole and see if she's up there."
"I got it" Nikki said as she climbed into the back of the vehicle and stuck her head up to view the roof. Tigerlily was sitting up there clenching the rack mounted on the roof with the wind blowing in her fur. She was wearing a set of tiny aviator goggles as well. She turned to look at Nikki, gave a salute with one of her paws and then turned back to face foward.
Nikki pulled her head back in before speaking. "She's on the roof wind surfing. Where did she get a pair of googles anyways?"
Ethan smiled. "Its good to see she still as a bit of energy in her still, she doesn't seem too happy much anymore."
Jade laughed to herself. "She's really happy when you try to feed her, but she has problems eating usually if anyone is within her comfort bubble. That is pretty much as big as the kitchen and dining area. It's been rumored you can watch her eat if you have a good pair of binoculars."
Then Ethan commented "Yes and she's patient too when it comes to food. You notice how she'll sit on the floor next to us when we're eating any meal at all staring the whole time. If you look at her, she'll look the other way as if she's trying to hide the fact she's staring, though not hiding it very well. If you break down and give her something, usually she'll sniff it, reject it, and walk away."
Nikki poked the tail swinging in front of her producing a meow from the glove compartment. "Suki's the one to watch out for, she'll walk by your food plate and just 'happen' to drop her tail in your food and leave it there till you shoo her away or give her the rest of what's on the plate."
Jade laughed. "It's really a shame that Suki shot out the tires on Amber's car. We aren't even in a rush to get home or anything."
"Well I have to turn in my quest as soon as.." Jade shushed Ethan before he could finish.
"Actually Jade, if you feel bad for Amber and all of them, why didn't you stop and pick them up?"
"Its not safe to have Millie around babies. Actually come to think of it, its not safe to be around Millie no matter who you are. The same thing could be said about Cleopatra" Jade looked in the back seat to make sure the rocket launcher wasn't pointed at the baby. "But Cleo is family. Nikki be a dear, make sure Cleo doesn't point her weapon at the baby if you could, I can't keep an eye on the road and on that kitten at the same time. We're almost home but I don't want to risk it."
Nikki looked over at Jade and shook her fist in the air. "You win this one, Petko!"
"Why do you always do that whenever you're showing you're displeased with something?" Jade asked as she drove the HUMV home.
"It just feels like the right thing to do when the moment arises." he replied.
"I hardly think this is one of those appropriate situations for such an action. All I did was change the station, I don't like that song, it gets stuck in my head. Then the secret messages in the music tell me about which statues don't love me anymore. I have to run them down with the vehicle so that they will love me again. Usually I can ignore them but if the song gets stuck in my head, I have to eventually break down and listen."
Nikki interrupted. "Hey have you seen Tigerlily? I haven't seen her since we left."
Jade and Ethan looked around the vehicle. Suki's tail was hanging out of the open glove compartment, swaying slowly back and forth as she slept. If Suki could find somewhere she couldn't fit, she'd try to sleep there.
Cleopatra was apparently sleeping in the backseat curled up in a ball with one paw on the rocket launcher. "We really should get that away from her soon" Jade said. Cleopatra stirred for a moment, looked at Jade with big kitten eyes and made a short kitten squeak noise. "And by that I mean we should let her keep it." Cleopatra after hearing Jade, rested her head against her body and tried to go back to sleep.
"I'm not seeing her" Ethan said finally after looking everywhere in the vehicle. "Did we really leave her?" Cleopatra stirred again and pointed a paw at the roof of the car. "What are you trying to tell me Cleo, is Tigerlily trapped in a well?"
Jade said "No, check the roof, stick your head up the machine gun hole and see if she's up there."
"I got it" Nikki said as she climbed into the back of the vehicle and stuck her head up to view the roof. Tigerlily was sitting up there clenching the rack mounted on the roof with the wind blowing in her fur. She was wearing a set of tiny aviator goggles as well. She turned to look at Nikki, gave a salute with one of her paws and then turned back to face foward.
Nikki pulled her head back in before speaking. "She's on the roof wind surfing. Where did she get a pair of googles anyways?"
Ethan smiled. "Its good to see she still as a bit of energy in her still, she doesn't seem too happy much anymore."
Jade laughed to herself. "She's really happy when you try to feed her, but she has problems eating usually if anyone is within her comfort bubble. That is pretty much as big as the kitchen and dining area. It's been rumored you can watch her eat if you have a good pair of binoculars."
Then Ethan commented "Yes and she's patient too when it comes to food. You notice how she'll sit on the floor next to us when we're eating any meal at all staring the whole time. If you look at her, she'll look the other way as if she's trying to hide the fact she's staring, though not hiding it very well. If you break down and give her something, usually she'll sniff it, reject it, and walk away."
Nikki poked the tail swinging in front of her producing a meow from the glove compartment. "Suki's the one to watch out for, she'll walk by your food plate and just 'happen' to drop her tail in your food and leave it there till you shoo her away or give her the rest of what's on the plate."
Jade laughed. "It's really a shame that Suki shot out the tires on Amber's car. We aren't even in a rush to get home or anything."
"Well I have to turn in my quest as soon as.." Jade shushed Ethan before he could finish.
"Actually Jade, if you feel bad for Amber and all of them, why didn't you stop and pick them up?"
"Its not safe to have Millie around babies. Actually come to think of it, its not safe to be around Millie no matter who you are. The same thing could be said about Cleopatra" Jade looked in the back seat to make sure the rocket launcher wasn't pointed at the baby. "But Cleo is family. Nikki be a dear, make sure Cleo doesn't point her weapon at the baby if you could, I can't keep an eye on the road and on that kitten at the same time. We're almost home but I don't want to risk it."
Nikki looked over at Jade and shook her fist in the air. "You win this one, Petko!"
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
Chapter 21: Dungeon Dive
"Well lets get on with this" Amber said as she herded everyone through the doorway and down some stairs. "And Jade's baby, you're wielding that dagger very well, a natural even."
"Are we sticking together in one big group?" Anna asked everyone.
Amber answered first. "Yes, its safest to traverse this place in one large group, safety in large numbers. That way if anything goes wrong, only a couple of us will die instead of...I'm not making a good argument am I?"
"But I thought that having to divide experience up like eight ways would not be very efficient" Anna responded.
"What are you talking about?" Jade inquired. "Does that even make sense to you? If we fight something, why would you learn less just because there's more people around. Chances are the lesson to be learned here is defeat the things that threaten you before they defeat you. That's not all that difficult of a concept to grasp." Her words carried a small amount of irritation as if she didn't quite understand herself why smaller groups seemed to get more experience from their adventures.
After a couple of battles with giant rats, some sort of cave dweller mutants, and for whatever reason a cult of clowns with extra large red shoes living in this dungeon, the group started to grow a little tired. They were about to rest when they came across another pair of cave dweller mutants. "Again prepare for battle folks" Amber yelled.
"No wait, I've already defeated the ten cave dweller mutants I need to complete the quest, I don't need any more!" Ethan said hurriedly before Amber engaged the mutants.
Amber spun around to face Ethan. "Wait, what? We're not going to attack the mutants because you've filled your quota for a quest you're on? How is it that this quest giver even knows you killed ten to begin with, its not like they're going to come out and check. And in the event that they did, why did they send us out here in the first place if they can just safely survey the body count. And besides that one mutant is looking at me funny."
Anna joined in. "Yeah actually why are we even here in the first place, I mean what would really motivate us to come here and do this. We're apparently in some sub-terran structure fighting all manner of creatures, putting our lives at risk, and for what?"
Ethan smiled. "That's easy, for the experience, and so we can say we completed this quest."
"Actually I'd prefer to be gaining experience at sunbathing on a beach in the Tropics" Anna commented. "Maybe attempting to complete the quest to drink another tropical rum & coke before dinner time."
Millie scratched her head. "Where do you even get a quest from in this day and age?"
"That creepy guy with the knife that lives behind the mall inside the old refrigerator box gave me the key and the quest" Ethan responded triumphantly.
"Yep that sounds like a nice and credible source, I'm glad we looked into this quest of yours before coming out all this way." Amber groaned. "What do you think?" she said pointing at one of the mutants.
"Me think you dum"
Ethan threw his hands to his sides. "Aw come on, not you guys too! Epic adventure, say it with me, E P I C .... A D V E N T U R E."
Nikki cut in. "Actually I've been dying to ask, why do you mutants, the clowns, and the giant rats all have their names floating over them like that in red letters?"
"It easier to identify that way"
"Yes but all of your names say 'a cave dweller mutant', that doesn't seem to be an effective means of differentiating yourselves" Nikki countered.
"Me not notice, hadn't been problem yet, how you know you kill right cave dweller for quest if not clearly identified?"
Nikki looked surprised. "What you're ok with us killing your people?"
"Me not want to die, but is part of quest, circle of life, must fulfill role, me always come back brand new in spot over there 5 minutes later anyways. It only hurt at first, get used to it"
Nikki shook her head. "You learn something new every day. Ok I think we're done here, run along you two!" Nikki motioned the two mutants to scurry off. "Alright Anna lets see if we can't go get some experience working a sun tan and work on your quest."
The group started to walk away when there was a loud explosion in the direction of the two mutants. Again everyone turned around to see Cleopatra dropping the rocket launcher. She looked up at everyone with an expression that conveyed "Not Fast Enough" and meowed innocently.
On the way back to the surface and the vehicles, the group passed a sign that said 'Restroom'. Ethan paused and said "I think I should use the restroom before we leave." He then started towards the entrance of the restroom.
Jade put her arm out quickly effectively clothes-lining Ethan. After helping him back up she said "Don't use a restroom in a dungeon, its a trap. Why would someone go through the trouble of installing a restroom in here?"
Ethan dusted himself off. "Well I'm going out on a limb here but maybe because the clowns, rats, and mutants need to go sometimes too. OK the rats pretty much go where ever they want, but the clowns and mutants must use it."
Jade frowned. "You make a compelling argument but I'd prefer if you waited just in case. I have a bad feeling about it and I can't quite put my finger on it."
Millie asked "Could it be that restroom is written in blood and is dripping on the floor?"
Amber walked over to Millie and bonked her on the head with the cardboard tube. "That's for being right. I thought we taught you better." Millie winced and rubbed her head. She then grabbed the cardboard tube and broke it over her knee before tossing the pieces aside.
Everyone then climbed up the stairs out back to the vehicles. As Jade got in the HUMV, she rolled down her window. She stuck her head out the window and said to Amber, "Race you home!" and then revved the engine.
"Are we sticking together in one big group?" Anna asked everyone.
Amber answered first. "Yes, its safest to traverse this place in one large group, safety in large numbers. That way if anything goes wrong, only a couple of us will die instead of...I'm not making a good argument am I?"
"But I thought that having to divide experience up like eight ways would not be very efficient" Anna responded.
"What are you talking about?" Jade inquired. "Does that even make sense to you? If we fight something, why would you learn less just because there's more people around. Chances are the lesson to be learned here is defeat the things that threaten you before they defeat you. That's not all that difficult of a concept to grasp." Her words carried a small amount of irritation as if she didn't quite understand herself why smaller groups seemed to get more experience from their adventures.
After a couple of battles with giant rats, some sort of cave dweller mutants, and for whatever reason a cult of clowns with extra large red shoes living in this dungeon, the group started to grow a little tired. They were about to rest when they came across another pair of cave dweller mutants. "Again prepare for battle folks" Amber yelled.
"No wait, I've already defeated the ten cave dweller mutants I need to complete the quest, I don't need any more!" Ethan said hurriedly before Amber engaged the mutants.
Amber spun around to face Ethan. "Wait, what? We're not going to attack the mutants because you've filled your quota for a quest you're on? How is it that this quest giver even knows you killed ten to begin with, its not like they're going to come out and check. And in the event that they did, why did they send us out here in the first place if they can just safely survey the body count. And besides that one mutant is looking at me funny."
Anna joined in. "Yeah actually why are we even here in the first place, I mean what would really motivate us to come here and do this. We're apparently in some sub-terran structure fighting all manner of creatures, putting our lives at risk, and for what?"
Ethan smiled. "That's easy, for the experience, and so we can say we completed this quest."
"Actually I'd prefer to be gaining experience at sunbathing on a beach in the Tropics" Anna commented. "Maybe attempting to complete the quest to drink another tropical rum & coke before dinner time."
Millie scratched her head. "Where do you even get a quest from in this day and age?"
"That creepy guy with the knife that lives behind the mall inside the old refrigerator box gave me the key and the quest" Ethan responded triumphantly.
"Yep that sounds like a nice and credible source, I'm glad we looked into this quest of yours before coming out all this way." Amber groaned. "What do you think?" she said pointing at one of the mutants.
"Me think you dum"
Ethan threw his hands to his sides. "Aw come on, not you guys too! Epic adventure, say it with me, E P I C .... A D V E N T U R E."
Nikki cut in. "Actually I've been dying to ask, why do you mutants, the clowns, and the giant rats all have their names floating over them like that in red letters?"
"It easier to identify that way"
"Yes but all of your names say 'a cave dweller mutant', that doesn't seem to be an effective means of differentiating yourselves" Nikki countered.
"Me not notice, hadn't been problem yet, how you know you kill right cave dweller for quest if not clearly identified?"
Nikki looked surprised. "What you're ok with us killing your people?"
"Me not want to die, but is part of quest, circle of life, must fulfill role, me always come back brand new in spot over there 5 minutes later anyways. It only hurt at first, get used to it"
Nikki shook her head. "You learn something new every day. Ok I think we're done here, run along you two!" Nikki motioned the two mutants to scurry off. "Alright Anna lets see if we can't go get some experience working a sun tan and work on your quest."
The group started to walk away when there was a loud explosion in the direction of the two mutants. Again everyone turned around to see Cleopatra dropping the rocket launcher. She looked up at everyone with an expression that conveyed "Not Fast Enough" and meowed innocently.
On the way back to the surface and the vehicles, the group passed a sign that said 'Restroom'. Ethan paused and said "I think I should use the restroom before we leave." He then started towards the entrance of the restroom.
Jade put her arm out quickly effectively clothes-lining Ethan. After helping him back up she said "Don't use a restroom in a dungeon, its a trap. Why would someone go through the trouble of installing a restroom in here?"
Ethan dusted himself off. "Well I'm going out on a limb here but maybe because the clowns, rats, and mutants need to go sometimes too. OK the rats pretty much go where ever they want, but the clowns and mutants must use it."
Jade frowned. "You make a compelling argument but I'd prefer if you waited just in case. I have a bad feeling about it and I can't quite put my finger on it."
Millie asked "Could it be that restroom is written in blood and is dripping on the floor?"
Amber walked over to Millie and bonked her on the head with the cardboard tube. "That's for being right. I thought we taught you better." Millie winced and rubbed her head. She then grabbed the cardboard tube and broke it over her knee before tossing the pieces aside.
Everyone then climbed up the stairs out back to the vehicles. As Jade got in the HUMV, she rolled down her window. She stuck her head out the window and said to Amber, "Race you home!" and then revved the engine.
Monday, November 12, 2007
Chapter 20: Special Delivery
Inspired by Issa
"Before we enter that door, whatever dangers await, Ethan I have something to tell you." Jade had blocked the door and was trying to get Ethan's attention. "I'm proud to announce a new edition to our family, we're having a baby."
Nikki punched Ethan hard in the stomach repeatedly. "ETHAN! Why didn't you tell me?"
"Stop that!" Everyone was staring at what must have been a funny scene. Ethan recovered from the onslaught dealt out by Nikki before speaking again. "What? It's news to me, this is the first time I've heard, which incidentally would be why Jade was saying she had something to tell me. That would imply I didn't know before hand."
Millie stepped forward and asked "So Jade, who's the father?"
Jade looked up confused. "What nonsense are you talking about? Where do you think babies come from?"
Millie smiled. "Well when a mommy and a daddy really love each other, the engage in the act of procreation. After that, the baby grows inside the mommy, developing for nine months before being born."
Amber walked over to Millie and bonked her on the head with the cardboard tube she was still holding. "Naive Millie, where did you hear such a story. You'll believe anything you're told won't you."
"The kids on the bus told me about babies" Millie responded.
"Aren't you a little old for school buses Millie?" Anna asked.
"Not on the school bus, the transit bus that runs through town. If that's not where babies come from, where do they come from?"
Jade laughed. "The storks bring babies to people, wrapped up in a blanket bundle."
"How.." Millie got bonked on the head again. "Let me finish the question before you bonk me. How.." The cardboard tube came down on Millie's head again. "Stop that!"
Amber gasped "Oh, sorry I'll wait this time."
Millie continued "How do the storks know you want a baby?" After she finished the sentence, Amber was waiting intently, and brought the tube down a little harder this time. "That's better."
Jade spoke again, "Back in the old days, you'd have to tell all your friends you wanted a baby, and hope that word got around. Modern days though, they run a website that allows you to customize your selection with drop down menus, animated images, you name it, pretty high tech stuff."
Anna walked over to her sister. "When is the baby due then?"
Jade looked at her wrist like she was wearing a watch even though she wasn't. She then licked her index finger and held it up to the wind. "I'd have to say right about ...now!" No sooner did Jade finish her sentence did a large stork wearing a jet pack start to descend from high in the sky. "See they don't even bother flying anymore, they're unionized and I guess too many were getting hurt flying with weight loads."
When the stork landed, it placed the bundle it was carrying at Jade's feet, ran a bar-code scanner along the side of the blanket and handed her a clipboard. Jade signed on the line at the bottom that she had received the baby. The stork checked the paperwork and stepped a few feet away and began to ascend with the jet pack again. As everyone watched, it got about 50 feet up before it was intercepted by a rocket fired from the vicinity of the vehicles. Everyone looked in that direction just in time to catch Cleopatra jumping off the hood.
Ethan said annoyed "What did I tell you about your 'No Witnesses' policy? Bad kitty!"
"Oh No!" Jade exclaimed.
"What's wrong?"
Jade was kneeling by the blanket bundle the stork had left on the ground. She stood with it in her hands pulling away the blankets to reveal a happy baby boy giggling at the attention. Anna looked closer. "He looks healthy to me "
Jade smiled "Yeah I guess he's fine." She rocked the baby back and forth in her arms. "It's just they messed up my order, I wanted a girl."
"Before we enter that door, whatever dangers await, Ethan I have something to tell you." Jade had blocked the door and was trying to get Ethan's attention. "I'm proud to announce a new edition to our family, we're having a baby."
Nikki punched Ethan hard in the stomach repeatedly. "ETHAN! Why didn't you tell me?"
"Stop that!" Everyone was staring at what must have been a funny scene. Ethan recovered from the onslaught dealt out by Nikki before speaking again. "What? It's news to me, this is the first time I've heard, which incidentally would be why Jade was saying she had something to tell me. That would imply I didn't know before hand."
Millie stepped forward and asked "So Jade, who's the father?"
Jade looked up confused. "What nonsense are you talking about? Where do you think babies come from?"
Millie smiled. "Well when a mommy and a daddy really love each other, the engage in the act of procreation. After that, the baby grows inside the mommy, developing for nine months before being born."
Amber walked over to Millie and bonked her on the head with the cardboard tube she was still holding. "Naive Millie, where did you hear such a story. You'll believe anything you're told won't you."
"The kids on the bus told me about babies" Millie responded.
"Aren't you a little old for school buses Millie?" Anna asked.
"Not on the school bus, the transit bus that runs through town. If that's not where babies come from, where do they come from?"
Jade laughed. "The storks bring babies to people, wrapped up in a blanket bundle."
"How.." Millie got bonked on the head again. "Let me finish the question before you bonk me. How.." The cardboard tube came down on Millie's head again. "Stop that!"
Amber gasped "Oh, sorry I'll wait this time."
Millie continued "How do the storks know you want a baby?" After she finished the sentence, Amber was waiting intently, and brought the tube down a little harder this time. "That's better."
Jade spoke again, "Back in the old days, you'd have to tell all your friends you wanted a baby, and hope that word got around. Modern days though, they run a website that allows you to customize your selection with drop down menus, animated images, you name it, pretty high tech stuff."
Anna walked over to her sister. "When is the baby due then?"
Jade looked at her wrist like she was wearing a watch even though she wasn't. She then licked her index finger and held it up to the wind. "I'd have to say right about ...now!" No sooner did Jade finish her sentence did a large stork wearing a jet pack start to descend from high in the sky. "See they don't even bother flying anymore, they're unionized and I guess too many were getting hurt flying with weight loads."
When the stork landed, it placed the bundle it was carrying at Jade's feet, ran a bar-code scanner along the side of the blanket and handed her a clipboard. Jade signed on the line at the bottom that she had received the baby. The stork checked the paperwork and stepped a few feet away and began to ascend with the jet pack again. As everyone watched, it got about 50 feet up before it was intercepted by a rocket fired from the vicinity of the vehicles. Everyone looked in that direction just in time to catch Cleopatra jumping off the hood.
Ethan said annoyed "What did I tell you about your 'No Witnesses' policy? Bad kitty!"
"Oh No!" Jade exclaimed.
"What's wrong?"
Jade was kneeling by the blanket bundle the stork had left on the ground. She stood with it in her hands pulling away the blankets to reveal a happy baby boy giggling at the attention. Anna looked closer. "He looks healthy to me "
Jade smiled "Yeah I guess he's fine." She rocked the baby back and forth in her arms. "It's just they messed up my order, I wanted a girl."
Saturday, November 10, 2007
Chapter 19: Few in Tutus and The Two too
Zane was awoken from a dream about a pair of ballerinas because of a loud knocking noise on the front door. He sat up in his bed. "Damn it, that was one of the best dreams ever." Again he heard a pounding on the door. "Fine, I'm coming already. You've already ruined everything" he shouted.
As Zane approached the front door wearing his pajamas and fuzzy slippers, a voice yelled through the door "Open up, its the Russians!"
"Honestly, you're not making a strong case for me to open it up" Zane responded back at the door. He quickly pulled off his pajama suit and slipped into a fresh suit he had hanging next to the door.
Once he was dressed fully, Zane opened the door to see what all the knocking was about. Two large Russian looking thugs 'Russiaed' in the open doorway. After giving each other a high five for the small Russian pun, one of them addressed Zane. "I am Special Agent Nikolas and this is my associate Special Agent Leon. We are here because we believe you are under the employ of subjects 24602, The Two."
Zane just about ignored what Special Agent Nikolas said. "Why were you knocking on my front door. There's a huge rocket launcher hole in the side of the house not more then three feet from the door. See!" Zane stepped outside through the hole and then back in. "In......" "......Out" He then disappeared out the hole in the wall.
Shortly after, there was a knock at the door. Agent Leon turned to the other russian and asked "Should we answer door?" Agent Nikolas nodded.
Before either could get to the door, Zane appeared and entered through the hole again. "Whatever though, I don't remember having any clients that call themselves the two."
Agent Leon said "No its capitalized like this, The Two!"
"OK but why are The Two so important that both of you needed to come here anyways. Why are you Russians really here?"
Agent Nikolas smiled. "That's easy, we're the villians."
Zane looked confused. "What? Why?...What?"
“Because we’re Russian. Haven’t you been paying attention to any American cinema in the last 60 years? Now pack your bags you're coming with us.”
Zane frowned. "You do know the cold war is over right?"
The two Russians looked at each other. "Nyet, we hadn't heard such nonsense. In mother Russia, all citizens are given assignments to do no good in America, it is national past time. Our mission is about The Two. Through The Two, we can create complete chaos. We will be heroes. Now into the car."
Zane was about to object, but the Russian Special Agents flashed something shiny and valuable at him. "Yeah maybe I'll see how all this resolves. You could have just said this was a business proposition. Now,” he said as they headed for the car, “I’ll need to draw up a contract. I won’t be held responsible for anything that in anyway could be construed as my fault unless there’s a gainful consequence.” He quickly finished drawing up the contract after they were in the car and driving away. Putting away his crayons, he held the paper out to one Special Agent and then the other. “If you’ll just initial here, and here, and here. Whoa. Keep your eyes on the road buddy. This isn’t TV. We could crash.”
They reached the Special Russian Facilities without incident, entering through a secret underground tunnel. Once inside the building, they passed several classrooms, including a lecture entitled Decapitation vs. Defenestration: How to Know Which Method is Right for You, before coming to a door with a sign The Two View Headquarters. “Are you ready to enter this door Special Consulting Agent Zane?” asked Special Agents Nikolas and Leon who had somehow managed to say that as the same exact time.
“I guess I’m ready. “
They opened the door and pushed Zane through.
As Zane approached the front door wearing his pajamas and fuzzy slippers, a voice yelled through the door "Open up, its the Russians!"
"Honestly, you're not making a strong case for me to open it up" Zane responded back at the door. He quickly pulled off his pajama suit and slipped into a fresh suit he had hanging next to the door.
Once he was dressed fully, Zane opened the door to see what all the knocking was about. Two large Russian looking thugs 'Russiaed' in the open doorway. After giving each other a high five for the small Russian pun, one of them addressed Zane. "I am Special Agent Nikolas and this is my associate Special Agent Leon. We are here because we believe you are under the employ of subjects 24602, The Two."
Zane just about ignored what Special Agent Nikolas said. "Why were you knocking on my front door. There's a huge rocket launcher hole in the side of the house not more then three feet from the door. See!" Zane stepped outside through the hole and then back in. "In......" "......Out" He then disappeared out the hole in the wall.
Shortly after, there was a knock at the door. Agent Leon turned to the other russian and asked "Should we answer door?" Agent Nikolas nodded.
Before either could get to the door, Zane appeared and entered through the hole again. "Whatever though, I don't remember having any clients that call themselves the two."
Agent Leon said "No its capitalized like this, The Two!"
"OK but why are The Two so important that both of you needed to come here anyways. Why are you Russians really here?"
Agent Nikolas smiled. "That's easy, we're the villians."
Zane looked confused. "What? Why?...What?"
“Because we’re Russian. Haven’t you been paying attention to any American cinema in the last 60 years? Now pack your bags you're coming with us.”
Zane frowned. "You do know the cold war is over right?"
The two Russians looked at each other. "Nyet, we hadn't heard such nonsense. In mother Russia, all citizens are given assignments to do no good in America, it is national past time. Our mission is about The Two. Through The Two, we can create complete chaos. We will be heroes. Now into the car."
Zane was about to object, but the Russian Special Agents flashed something shiny and valuable at him. "Yeah maybe I'll see how all this resolves. You could have just said this was a business proposition. Now,” he said as they headed for the car, “I’ll need to draw up a contract. I won’t be held responsible for anything that in anyway could be construed as my fault unless there’s a gainful consequence.” He quickly finished drawing up the contract after they were in the car and driving away. Putting away his crayons, he held the paper out to one Special Agent and then the other. “If you’ll just initial here, and here, and here. Whoa. Keep your eyes on the road buddy. This isn’t TV. We could crash.”
They reached the Special Russian Facilities without incident, entering through a secret underground tunnel. Once inside the building, they passed several classrooms, including a lecture entitled Decapitation vs. Defenestration: How to Know Which Method is Right for You, before coming to a door with a sign The Two View Headquarters. “Are you ready to enter this door Special Consulting Agent Zane?” asked Special Agents Nikolas and Leon who had somehow managed to say that as the same exact time.
“I guess I’m ready. “
They opened the door and pushed Zane through.
Thursday, November 8, 2007
Chapter 18: Epic Encounter
"Jade and Ethan, are you following us?" Amber asked. Both vehicles had come to a stop and parked in front of a little shed just north of the town of Blarg.
Ethan said sarcastically, "I kind of figured the whole right behind you for the last couple hours of driving would probably have been an indication." Both groups had completely exited the vehicles and were all standing close to an old rusty door. The door also had a keyhole in it near the door knob. "And besides you must have noticed us to take it upon yourself to launch dead weasels at us. By the way, you'll have to tell me where you got that launcher installed, something like that could be very useful."
Amber acted all excited suddenly. "I know! The guy that installed that usually does newspaper launchers for bikes of paperboys. He told me that cars are much better suited for such devices. He was able to add a little more firing power because of the more stable base my car provided. I'll have to have some choice words with him about the ammo not staying alive though."
Nikki interrupted. "We're all here for a reason, lets get on with it already." Nikki drew her katanas from their sheaths and stood at the ready.
Amber walked calmly over to Nikki. "Will you be patient, we're talking here." With that, she bonked Nikki on the head with a cardboard tube. Amber started to step back but Nikki was too fast, reducing the cardboard tube to ribbons with a couple of fluid movements of her katanas.
"Someone is a little antsy isn't she?" Amber said hurtfully as she tossed the stump of cardboard in her hand to the ground. "Luckily I have two" she added pulling another cardboard tube out from behind her and bonking Nikki on the head again.
Nikki groaned and re-sheathed her swords. "Fine, carry on with your 'little' conversation, I'll wait." She then proceeded to give as menacing a glare as she could at Amber.
"So can we borrow Suki and Tigerlily when we go inside?" Amber asked. She glanced over at Tigerlily who was somehow making a more menacing glare then Nikki was doing.
"I don't really think they're going want to help you any after Anna tried to send them to Zane's for a couple days" Ethan commented.
Anna looked dejected. "It seemed like a good idea at the time, but seeing as you managed to find them, it didn't work out as well as was planned. I would have gotten away with it if it weren't for your meddling cats." Anna's reflexes took over as she instinctively dodged a flying rubber duck hurled at her from off to the side. "Who threw that?!" she asked looking over in that direction where the three cats were all sitting innocently on the hood of the HUMV. Cleopatra pointed at Nikki with a paw.
Nikki seeing that Cleopatra was pointing at her spoke up again. "Cleo! That's not funny, I'm just over here minding my business and trying to stare down Amber, the last thing I need is to be blamed for something I didn't do. Anna don't listen to her, see that pile of rubber ducks on the hood with them, it obviously came from them." Suki picked up a rubber duck and nailed Nikki in the head with it without even breaking the slightest hint of an expression on her face. It was at this point that Tigerlily made a loud angry meow and backhanded Suki with her paw. "Thanks Tigerlily!"
While Cleo and Nikki were making faces at each other, Millie's curiosity got the better of her about Anna and Jade. Millie calmly grabbed Anna's hand and dragged Anna over next to Jade. The similarity was astounding. "I'm going to close my eyes and when I reopen them, I want you two to have mixed yourself up and I'll try to guess which is which." Millie then closed her eyes excitedly.
The sisters looked at each other. One grappled Millie while the other started to punch her in the stomach over and over again. Anna then said "Which one of us is beating the crap out of you?"
"Both?"
"So we going to go inside or what?" Amber asked. She walked over to the door and placed the key she had received from Ethan into the lock on the door and turned it. The door creaked open revealing a set of stairs leading down into darkness. "You know I'm pretty sure if I had leaned on this door, it would have broke, this seems so anti-climatic."
Ethan sighed. "Nobody believes in doing things by the book anymore. You get some epic key that opens an epic door that is reached by traveling great ...epic distances on a journey that is itself epic and paramount and profound and....." He pauses for a second. "Though I have to admit that the speeding here in vehicles probably cut a little bit of senseless random encounters out of the equation. What would have been like a 3 week journey took a couple hours. But still this is epic in and of itself, look its a door, and it had a lock that needed a key, and we uh had the key and we used it and it was epic and ......." Amber was tapping her foot impatiently. Finally Ethan added "Fine lets just go in."
Ethan said sarcastically, "I kind of figured the whole right behind you for the last couple hours of driving would probably have been an indication." Both groups had completely exited the vehicles and were all standing close to an old rusty door. The door also had a keyhole in it near the door knob. "And besides you must have noticed us to take it upon yourself to launch dead weasels at us. By the way, you'll have to tell me where you got that launcher installed, something like that could be very useful."
Amber acted all excited suddenly. "I know! The guy that installed that usually does newspaper launchers for bikes of paperboys. He told me that cars are much better suited for such devices. He was able to add a little more firing power because of the more stable base my car provided. I'll have to have some choice words with him about the ammo not staying alive though."
Nikki interrupted. "We're all here for a reason, lets get on with it already." Nikki drew her katanas from their sheaths and stood at the ready.
Amber walked calmly over to Nikki. "Will you be patient, we're talking here." With that, she bonked Nikki on the head with a cardboard tube. Amber started to step back but Nikki was too fast, reducing the cardboard tube to ribbons with a couple of fluid movements of her katanas.
"Someone is a little antsy isn't she?" Amber said hurtfully as she tossed the stump of cardboard in her hand to the ground. "Luckily I have two" she added pulling another cardboard tube out from behind her and bonking Nikki on the head again.
Nikki groaned and re-sheathed her swords. "Fine, carry on with your 'little' conversation, I'll wait." She then proceeded to give as menacing a glare as she could at Amber.
"So can we borrow Suki and Tigerlily when we go inside?" Amber asked. She glanced over at Tigerlily who was somehow making a more menacing glare then Nikki was doing.
"I don't really think they're going want to help you any after Anna tried to send them to Zane's for a couple days" Ethan commented.
Anna looked dejected. "It seemed like a good idea at the time, but seeing as you managed to find them, it didn't work out as well as was planned. I would have gotten away with it if it weren't for your meddling cats." Anna's reflexes took over as she instinctively dodged a flying rubber duck hurled at her from off to the side. "Who threw that?!" she asked looking over in that direction where the three cats were all sitting innocently on the hood of the HUMV. Cleopatra pointed at Nikki with a paw.
Nikki seeing that Cleopatra was pointing at her spoke up again. "Cleo! That's not funny, I'm just over here minding my business and trying to stare down Amber, the last thing I need is to be blamed for something I didn't do. Anna don't listen to her, see that pile of rubber ducks on the hood with them, it obviously came from them." Suki picked up a rubber duck and nailed Nikki in the head with it without even breaking the slightest hint of an expression on her face. It was at this point that Tigerlily made a loud angry meow and backhanded Suki with her paw. "Thanks Tigerlily!"
While Cleo and Nikki were making faces at each other, Millie's curiosity got the better of her about Anna and Jade. Millie calmly grabbed Anna's hand and dragged Anna over next to Jade. The similarity was astounding. "I'm going to close my eyes and when I reopen them, I want you two to have mixed yourself up and I'll try to guess which is which." Millie then closed her eyes excitedly.
The sisters looked at each other. One grappled Millie while the other started to punch her in the stomach over and over again. Anna then said "Which one of us is beating the crap out of you?"
"Both?"
"So we going to go inside or what?" Amber asked. She walked over to the door and placed the key she had received from Ethan into the lock on the door and turned it. The door creaked open revealing a set of stairs leading down into darkness. "You know I'm pretty sure if I had leaned on this door, it would have broke, this seems so anti-climatic."
Ethan sighed. "Nobody believes in doing things by the book anymore. You get some epic key that opens an epic door that is reached by traveling great ...epic distances on a journey that is itself epic and paramount and profound and....." He pauses for a second. "Though I have to admit that the speeding here in vehicles probably cut a little bit of senseless random encounters out of the equation. What would have been like a 3 week journey took a couple hours. But still this is epic in and of itself, look its a door, and it had a lock that needed a key, and we uh had the key and we used it and it was epic and ......." Amber was tapping her foot impatiently. Finally Ethan added "Fine lets just go in."
Wednesday, November 7, 2007
Chapter 17: The Chase
Millie looked out the back window of the car that she was riding in. Anna sat in the passenger seat and Amber was driving. "Are we being followed by a yellow HUMV?" Millie asked.
Amber groaned. "Yes for like 40 miles now. Remember that leisurely drive through the market place in that last town, they were right behind us the whole way."
"Really? Why am I just noticing?"
Anna laughed. "Because you're about as observant as Ethan is. We keep you around for a good laugh every so often."
Millie frowned. "My mind just wanders easy, I can't help it. So who exactly is in that vehicle that they would be following us so closely?"
Anna glanced out the back window and said "The HUMV is my sister Jade's, she's such a goodie goodie, try as I may, I never could get her to participate in my schemes. Having an identical twin even if she is the evil one isn't any fun if she doesn't help with my trouble making."
Amber asked "So Jade is the evil one?"
"Well its not me!" Anna replied. Amber just rolled her eyes and continued to speed down a busy sidewalk. "What, are you trying to tell me something?" Amber shook her head.
Millie again spoke up. "It looks like Jade isn't alone either."
"If Jade is in hot pursuit, she must have Ethan and Nikki with her."
Millie kept staring out the back window. "I think I see some cats sitting on the dashboard, one's flipping me off."
Amber groaned. "I thought you told me that you took care of the cats already Anna!"
"I did, I left them off at the lawyer's house. He is easily manipulated, I think he thought by taking the cats off my hands for a couple days, he would earn a new client. Foolish at best. I thought that his security systems would prevent escape and detection."
"Well you thought wrong, this complicates things."
"Most likely Cleopatra figured a way to get a message out to Ethan and Nikki. How was I supposed to foresee that happening?"
"This is Cleopatra we're talking about. Did you remember to check to make sure that Zane didn't have any toasters available" Amber asked suspiciously.
Anna looked down at her lap, "No I forgot."
"YOU FORGOT!" Amber screamed. She lowered her voice a little bit and added "And maybe I'll forget to NOT eject you and your seat from the vehicle" as she put her hand on the ejector button for the passenger seat.
"Sorry, I'll pay better attention next time."
Amber moved her hand off the button. "Well I guess I'll need you to use the key anyway but don't screw up again! We're in a tough spot now. They've got an obvious advantage with the cats, but I think we can still manage to pull this off."
Millie inquired "Doesn't this vehicle have any kind of weapons equipped?"
Amber thought for a second and then commented "Most of the weapons are on the front part of the vehicle but I did have a rapid fire crazed weasel launcher installed in the trunk. That might do the trick."
Amber reached down between the seats and yanked the trunk release. The trunk hood moments later ejected high into the air flying way over the pursuing HUMV. She then turned a switch on her dashboard activating the rapid fire crazed weasel launcher. The launcher raised out of the back of the trunk and started to auto-fire. Millie stated "Those weasels don't look very crazed."
Amber frowned. "I guess since I installed that system a couple weeks ago the weasels didn't fair so well since then in the trunk. Weasel have no shelf life at all."
She was cut off by the sound of rapid machine gun fire. Checking the rear view mirror, she saw that the black cat, Suki, was manning the mounted machine gun and was doing a pretty good job of fending off the onslaught of weasels.
Amber turned the switch back to the off position which lowered the weasel launcher back into the trunk. "Worth a shot, we're almost there though, ready your weapons."
Amber groaned. "Yes for like 40 miles now. Remember that leisurely drive through the market place in that last town, they were right behind us the whole way."
"Really? Why am I just noticing?"
Anna laughed. "Because you're about as observant as Ethan is. We keep you around for a good laugh every so often."
Millie frowned. "My mind just wanders easy, I can't help it. So who exactly is in that vehicle that they would be following us so closely?"
Anna glanced out the back window and said "The HUMV is my sister Jade's, she's such a goodie goodie, try as I may, I never could get her to participate in my schemes. Having an identical twin even if she is the evil one isn't any fun if she doesn't help with my trouble making."
Amber asked "So Jade is the evil one?"
"Well its not me!" Anna replied. Amber just rolled her eyes and continued to speed down a busy sidewalk. "What, are you trying to tell me something?" Amber shook her head.
Millie again spoke up. "It looks like Jade isn't alone either."
"If Jade is in hot pursuit, she must have Ethan and Nikki with her."
Millie kept staring out the back window. "I think I see some cats sitting on the dashboard, one's flipping me off."
Amber groaned. "I thought you told me that you took care of the cats already Anna!"
"I did, I left them off at the lawyer's house. He is easily manipulated, I think he thought by taking the cats off my hands for a couple days, he would earn a new client. Foolish at best. I thought that his security systems would prevent escape and detection."
"Well you thought wrong, this complicates things."
"Most likely Cleopatra figured a way to get a message out to Ethan and Nikki. How was I supposed to foresee that happening?"
"This is Cleopatra we're talking about. Did you remember to check to make sure that Zane didn't have any toasters available" Amber asked suspiciously.
Anna looked down at her lap, "No I forgot."
"YOU FORGOT!" Amber screamed. She lowered her voice a little bit and added "And maybe I'll forget to NOT eject you and your seat from the vehicle" as she put her hand on the ejector button for the passenger seat.
"Sorry, I'll pay better attention next time."
Amber moved her hand off the button. "Well I guess I'll need you to use the key anyway but don't screw up again! We're in a tough spot now. They've got an obvious advantage with the cats, but I think we can still manage to pull this off."
Millie inquired "Doesn't this vehicle have any kind of weapons equipped?"
Amber thought for a second and then commented "Most of the weapons are on the front part of the vehicle but I did have a rapid fire crazed weasel launcher installed in the trunk. That might do the trick."
Amber reached down between the seats and yanked the trunk release. The trunk hood moments later ejected high into the air flying way over the pursuing HUMV. She then turned a switch on her dashboard activating the rapid fire crazed weasel launcher. The launcher raised out of the back of the trunk and started to auto-fire. Millie stated "Those weasels don't look very crazed."
Amber frowned. "I guess since I installed that system a couple weeks ago the weasels didn't fair so well since then in the trunk. Weasel have no shelf life at all."
She was cut off by the sound of rapid machine gun fire. Checking the rear view mirror, she saw that the black cat, Suki, was manning the mounted machine gun and was doing a pretty good job of fending off the onslaught of weasels.
Amber turned the switch back to the off position which lowered the weasel launcher back into the trunk. "Worth a shot, we're almost there though, ready your weapons."
Tuesday, November 6, 2007
Chapter 16: All in a Days Work
Walter didn't hear the alarm going off. He usually didn't hear it, and so it didn't do a very good job of waking him up. After about 15 minutes, he finally became aware of the alarm, but it wasn't because it had awoke him, it was because his bed was on fire. A more accurate description would be that the fire awoke Walter but the fire alarm was still going off. "Geez not again!"
Walter rolled out of bed, getting out from underneath the burning sheets. This wasn't the first time his bed caught on fire and so he grabbed the easily accessible fire extinguisher out from underneath. "One of these days I'm going to have to figure out why that keeps happening. Maybe the candles I keep lit on top of the sheets are attracting whoever keeps lighting my bed on fire. That's probably it, because the nights I don't light the candles, no one sets my bed on fire."
He looked around, it was light outside already. A quick glance at the clock and he started to panic. "Crap I'm late for work!" Walter started to get dressed quickly. His job was important, and being late to work meant not getting paid at all. His position was very time critical. One could equate his job to having to press a red button at exactly the same time every day to avoid a nuclear plant from melting down. Too soon, and nothing happens, a minute too late and you're out of a job, and your hair starts falling out, and your face melts off, and you glow. Yes, Walter's job was pivotal and he was not going to make it on time unless he hurried.
"I'll have to take the glide wire out my window to get to the street faster. No time to walk down the flights of stairs, and besides its fun." Walter hadn't quite mastered the glide wire that was installed at his bedroom window. The wire worked simple enough, you attach a little mini rig to the wire, hold on tight and glide down to the ground. It was a pretty safe device with automatic shock dampeners and braking capacity, no one should get hurt using it. But this was Walter.
As he approached the window and the descent device, he tripped, missed the device and fell straight out the open window. He fell a couple stories into a garbage dumpster filled with razor blades and used needles in the back alley behind his house.
Actually usually it was filled with razor blades and used needles. Walter was surprised to find that today it was filled with fluffy pillows apparently stuffed with twenty dollar bills, non-sequential and untraceable.
Two of the gangsters standing near the dumpster fished Walter out. "Walter our dearest friend, on behalf of the family, we would like to apologize that your normal dumpster filled with razor blades and needles could not be available to you on this the day that is most commonly known as Tuesday. We deeply regret to have put you at a disadvantage as to not be able to rely on our dumpster services. There was a mix up our warehouse and we were on the way over to correct it this moment."
Walter dusted himself off, pulling a couple 20s out of the folds of his uniform and placed them in one of the gangster's hands. "No problem fellas, I'm not going to say anything to your boss."
"Thank you Walter, you have done us a great service this day. But aren't you're late for work?, you better get a move on." And with that Walter hurried off towards the street and got on his little motor scooter. With any luck he'd be able to make it to the market district in time.
After a quick ride across town, Walter arrived at the market district with a couple minutes to spare. He parked his scooter and locked it up to a tree with some duct tape, wire, a sledge hammer, and some chewing gum. He found his balloon and creme pie vendor cart and wheeled it over towards the main road. Checking his watch, he noticed he still had a couple minutes left.
Finally being able to take a breath, Walter looked around. The market was already filled with activity. A glass moving company was unloading a long pane of glass off their truck. People selling baskets and other cheap imitation items were spread all around with a decent crowd of people pretending to browse the items. Off to the side, a group of market workers were piling up some crates filled with goods from a wagon filled with similarly marked crates.
Curiosity overtook Walter, and he wheeled his cart in the direction of the market workers. "You guys here for the job?" he asked.
"What, oh yes, that's right" one of them responded back to Walter not even looking up for more then a glance.
Walter looked at one of the boxes reading the side, "Marbles? Must be an expensive client."
"Yeah, we get them every once and a while. We also have some chickens too to go with the marbles." Walter looked confused. The worker added "Don't ask me, just bringing what we're told where we're told. We should get back to work though. Well good luck."
Walter nodded. "You too." He then wheeled his cart over a little bit, and checked his watch one last time. The glass movers were crossing the road now heading for a shop which had lost their window a couple days past in a robbery. "Alright, here we go." Walter started to cross the market place announcing the sale of creme pies and balloons.
Then he heard the revving of motors and some loud crashes. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw a beat up silver Cadillac and a yellow HUMV come crashing through the pile of crates and the cart that was also holding crates. The crates burst sending marbles and chicken feathers everywhere. Walter dove hard backwards as the vehicles took out his vendor cart next splattering pies all over both vehicles and releasing all of his balloons into the air. Then of course there was the sound of shattering glass as the two vehicles raced through the pane of glass because the workers were midway across the market square. And in another moment, when all the dust, pies, marbles, glass, and feathers settled, both vehicles were long gone.
A man came out of one of the buildings and announced "Thank you all, pick up your checks here and we'll see you next time."
Walter grinned picking himself up off the ground and headed towards the man with the checks. He was happy he made it on time because he really needed the money. Sure the job was dangerous and sometimes infrequent but it suited him just fine.
Walter reached the man and received his check. The man looked at Walter as he handed him the check, "All in a days work, right?"
Walter rolled out of bed, getting out from underneath the burning sheets. This wasn't the first time his bed caught on fire and so he grabbed the easily accessible fire extinguisher out from underneath. "One of these days I'm going to have to figure out why that keeps happening. Maybe the candles I keep lit on top of the sheets are attracting whoever keeps lighting my bed on fire. That's probably it, because the nights I don't light the candles, no one sets my bed on fire."
He looked around, it was light outside already. A quick glance at the clock and he started to panic. "Crap I'm late for work!" Walter started to get dressed quickly. His job was important, and being late to work meant not getting paid at all. His position was very time critical. One could equate his job to having to press a red button at exactly the same time every day to avoid a nuclear plant from melting down. Too soon, and nothing happens, a minute too late and you're out of a job, and your hair starts falling out, and your face melts off, and you glow. Yes, Walter's job was pivotal and he was not going to make it on time unless he hurried.
"I'll have to take the glide wire out my window to get to the street faster. No time to walk down the flights of stairs, and besides its fun." Walter hadn't quite mastered the glide wire that was installed at his bedroom window. The wire worked simple enough, you attach a little mini rig to the wire, hold on tight and glide down to the ground. It was a pretty safe device with automatic shock dampeners and braking capacity, no one should get hurt using it. But this was Walter.
As he approached the window and the descent device, he tripped, missed the device and fell straight out the open window. He fell a couple stories into a garbage dumpster filled with razor blades and used needles in the back alley behind his house.
Actually usually it was filled with razor blades and used needles. Walter was surprised to find that today it was filled with fluffy pillows apparently stuffed with twenty dollar bills, non-sequential and untraceable.
Two of the gangsters standing near the dumpster fished Walter out. "Walter our dearest friend, on behalf of the family, we would like to apologize that your normal dumpster filled with razor blades and needles could not be available to you on this the day that is most commonly known as Tuesday. We deeply regret to have put you at a disadvantage as to not be able to rely on our dumpster services. There was a mix up our warehouse and we were on the way over to correct it this moment."
Walter dusted himself off, pulling a couple 20s out of the folds of his uniform and placed them in one of the gangster's hands. "No problem fellas, I'm not going to say anything to your boss."
"Thank you Walter, you have done us a great service this day. But aren't you're late for work?, you better get a move on." And with that Walter hurried off towards the street and got on his little motor scooter. With any luck he'd be able to make it to the market district in time.
After a quick ride across town, Walter arrived at the market district with a couple minutes to spare. He parked his scooter and locked it up to a tree with some duct tape, wire, a sledge hammer, and some chewing gum. He found his balloon and creme pie vendor cart and wheeled it over towards the main road. Checking his watch, he noticed he still had a couple minutes left.
Finally being able to take a breath, Walter looked around. The market was already filled with activity. A glass moving company was unloading a long pane of glass off their truck. People selling baskets and other cheap imitation items were spread all around with a decent crowd of people pretending to browse the items. Off to the side, a group of market workers were piling up some crates filled with goods from a wagon filled with similarly marked crates.
Curiosity overtook Walter, and he wheeled his cart in the direction of the market workers. "You guys here for the job?" he asked.
"What, oh yes, that's right" one of them responded back to Walter not even looking up for more then a glance.
Walter looked at one of the boxes reading the side, "Marbles? Must be an expensive client."
"Yeah, we get them every once and a while. We also have some chickens too to go with the marbles." Walter looked confused. The worker added "Don't ask me, just bringing what we're told where we're told. We should get back to work though. Well good luck."
Walter nodded. "You too." He then wheeled his cart over a little bit, and checked his watch one last time. The glass movers were crossing the road now heading for a shop which had lost their window a couple days past in a robbery. "Alright, here we go." Walter started to cross the market place announcing the sale of creme pies and balloons.
Then he heard the revving of motors and some loud crashes. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw a beat up silver Cadillac and a yellow HUMV come crashing through the pile of crates and the cart that was also holding crates. The crates burst sending marbles and chicken feathers everywhere. Walter dove hard backwards as the vehicles took out his vendor cart next splattering pies all over both vehicles and releasing all of his balloons into the air. Then of course there was the sound of shattering glass as the two vehicles raced through the pane of glass because the workers were midway across the market square. And in another moment, when all the dust, pies, marbles, glass, and feathers settled, both vehicles were long gone.
A man came out of one of the buildings and announced "Thank you all, pick up your checks here and we'll see you next time."
Walter grinned picking himself up off the ground and headed towards the man with the checks. He was happy he made it on time because he really needed the money. Sure the job was dangerous and sometimes infrequent but it suited him just fine.
Walter reached the man and received his check. The man looked at Walter as he handed him the check, "All in a days work, right?"
Monday, November 5, 2007
Chapter 15: Followed
"Where's the car?" Ethan said aloud in a rather panicked voice. "It's not where we left it."
There was a tug on Ethan's pant leg. Looking down, he was staring at a little gray kitten, a larger gray cat, and a black cat. "Cleo, where's the car?" Cleopatra sat on her back legs and pointed her paw at the other side of the parking lot. In that direction was a large pile of burning green car pieces sending a plume of black smoke high into the air. "Cleo!"
Tigerlily gave off an angry sounding meow noise and Suki just kind of stared intently at Ethan and Nikki. Cleopatra looked up with big apologetic kitten eyes. Nikki broke the silence. "She's SO cute, you can stay mad at her when she does that can you?" Cleopatra sealed the deal when she made a short little high pitched meow noise.
Ethan's frown broke into a smile. "Yeah Cleo, next time you borrow the car though, could you bring it back working still?" Cleopatra produced another high pitched meow noise and then climbed up Ethan's leg and his back before settling on his shoulder. Ethan continued "We're going to need some form of transportation now."
"It's taken care of." The voice originated from another vehicle, a large yellow HUMV with a menacing mounted machine gun on the roof, that had just pulled up. "You need a lift folks?"
"Jade! You're back!" Ethan said as he leaned into the window of the Hum-V and kissed his wife. "Yes, the cats blew up my car again."
Jade laughed and smiled a huge smile. "Well everyone get in then!" Ethan and Nikki tossed the three cats in the front seat and all of the weapons and equipment they had just bought into the back of the vehicle.
"Cleo, we purchased you some more rockets for that rocket launcher, tell me that survived". Cleopatra again meowed a high pitch noise and produced the rocket launcher from inside Suki's fur. "What? How is that even possible?" Cleopatra only responded with another meow. Ethan tossed the weapon in the back and then sat down in the front. "Jade, amazing timing, glad you caught up before we left."
"I cut my trip short, I just got a bad feeling something wasn't right back here. Where are we heading?"
Ethan looked over. "We've got to catch up with the Millie, Anna, and your sister. They're heading for the town of Blarg with the key I gave them."
Jade frowned. "In that case, we're going to have to get rid of the mime. It's illegal to be a mime there and he'd be killed on sight. We'd be imprisoned for aiding him."
Ethan looked confused. "What Mime?"
Jade pointed in Ethan's direction. "The one sitting next to you and Nikki."
Ethan looked over by the door. There was a mime sitting next to him. "Woah how long has he been there?"
It was Nikki's turn to look confused. "What, he's been following you for at least a day now, you're telling me you hadn't noticed him this entire time. He was in the backseat in the car yesterday, came into the house with you when you got home, and followed you around there till you went to bed. He stood in the closet while you slept. He helped us move the bodies and handed you the phone when it rang this morning, though apparently he was stuck inside some sort of box or something. He was in the car today when we picked up the cats from Zane's. He even followed us around the store, apparently in some sort of unseen wind storm though, and just now he helped load the back of the vehicle with our purchases.
Ethan asked "Why didn't you say something?"
Nikki said "I thought you knew him and that he was with you."
"No he's not with me, and I hadn't noticed him up until now."
Jade sounded a little irritated. "Well whoever he is, get rid of him." Cleopatra was already in action behind him pulling the piano wire tight around the mime's neck. After a short struggle, the mime slumped over silently. "Thanks Cleo, he would have wanted to go out that way." Ethan opened up the door and pushed the mime out, closing it behind him.
Ethan looked out the window at the body. "I miss him already."
Nikki laughed. "You do not, you didn't even know him."
"I feel like I did, well off we go then. I just had this feeling of loss, its gone now." The Hummer started to move forward, heading for the highway on its way to Blarg. "You know what they say though, a Mime is a terrible thing to waste."
Everyone groaned and Nikki punched Ethan in the stomach just for a little extra emphasis.
There was a tug on Ethan's pant leg. Looking down, he was staring at a little gray kitten, a larger gray cat, and a black cat. "Cleo, where's the car?" Cleopatra sat on her back legs and pointed her paw at the other side of the parking lot. In that direction was a large pile of burning green car pieces sending a plume of black smoke high into the air. "Cleo!"
Tigerlily gave off an angry sounding meow noise and Suki just kind of stared intently at Ethan and Nikki. Cleopatra looked up with big apologetic kitten eyes. Nikki broke the silence. "She's SO cute, you can stay mad at her when she does that can you?" Cleopatra sealed the deal when she made a short little high pitched meow noise.
Ethan's frown broke into a smile. "Yeah Cleo, next time you borrow the car though, could you bring it back working still?" Cleopatra produced another high pitched meow noise and then climbed up Ethan's leg and his back before settling on his shoulder. Ethan continued "We're going to need some form of transportation now."
"It's taken care of." The voice originated from another vehicle, a large yellow HUMV with a menacing mounted machine gun on the roof, that had just pulled up. "You need a lift folks?"
"Jade! You're back!" Ethan said as he leaned into the window of the Hum-V and kissed his wife. "Yes, the cats blew up my car again."
Jade laughed and smiled a huge smile. "Well everyone get in then!" Ethan and Nikki tossed the three cats in the front seat and all of the weapons and equipment they had just bought into the back of the vehicle.
"Cleo, we purchased you some more rockets for that rocket launcher, tell me that survived". Cleopatra again meowed a high pitch noise and produced the rocket launcher from inside Suki's fur. "What? How is that even possible?" Cleopatra only responded with another meow. Ethan tossed the weapon in the back and then sat down in the front. "Jade, amazing timing, glad you caught up before we left."
"I cut my trip short, I just got a bad feeling something wasn't right back here. Where are we heading?"
Ethan looked over. "We've got to catch up with the Millie, Anna, and your sister. They're heading for the town of Blarg with the key I gave them."
Jade frowned. "In that case, we're going to have to get rid of the mime. It's illegal to be a mime there and he'd be killed on sight. We'd be imprisoned for aiding him."
Ethan looked confused. "What Mime?"
Jade pointed in Ethan's direction. "The one sitting next to you and Nikki."
Ethan looked over by the door. There was a mime sitting next to him. "Woah how long has he been there?"
It was Nikki's turn to look confused. "What, he's been following you for at least a day now, you're telling me you hadn't noticed him this entire time. He was in the backseat in the car yesterday, came into the house with you when you got home, and followed you around there till you went to bed. He stood in the closet while you slept. He helped us move the bodies and handed you the phone when it rang this morning, though apparently he was stuck inside some sort of box or something. He was in the car today when we picked up the cats from Zane's. He even followed us around the store, apparently in some sort of unseen wind storm though, and just now he helped load the back of the vehicle with our purchases.
Ethan asked "Why didn't you say something?"
Nikki said "I thought you knew him and that he was with you."
"No he's not with me, and I hadn't noticed him up until now."
Jade sounded a little irritated. "Well whoever he is, get rid of him." Cleopatra was already in action behind him pulling the piano wire tight around the mime's neck. After a short struggle, the mime slumped over silently. "Thanks Cleo, he would have wanted to go out that way." Ethan opened up the door and pushed the mime out, closing it behind him.
Ethan looked out the window at the body. "I miss him already."
Nikki laughed. "You do not, you didn't even know him."
"I feel like I did, well off we go then. I just had this feeling of loss, its gone now." The Hummer started to move forward, heading for the highway on its way to Blarg. "You know what they say though, a Mime is a terrible thing to waste."
Everyone groaned and Nikki punched Ethan in the stomach just for a little extra emphasis.
Friday, November 2, 2007
Chapter 14: Slashing Prices
"Do you hear police sirens?" Nikki asked Ethan as they walked through Walled-mart browsing some of the racks.
"Yes I do, but that couldn't possibly be related to leaving the keys in the ignition with the cats in the back seat, right?" He didn't sound very sure of himself and was looking for a reassurance from Nikki.
She just shook her head before saying "Oh look at this shirt, isn't it cute?"
Ethan shook his head. "We're not here the buy clothing, we're here to get supplies for the trip. The girls have at least a couple hours head start on us and we'll need to make up that time as soon as we've got all the supplies we need. Now lets head over to the dairy section."
Upon arriving at the dairy aisle, Ethan pushed in on one of the egg cartons. There was a mechanical click as the floor opened up nearby and a set of stairs were revealed descending downward. It was a little known fact that there was a military surplus cache underneath every Walled-mart accessible from near the milks. When Ethan told people he was "Lactose Intolerant", what he was really trying to tell them is that he doesn't react well to being shot repeatedly in the chest.
"Now remember, we're going to need a large amount of guns if we're going to survive where we're going, its a rough place that's for sure. And cold steel too" Ethan said as he browsed the Uzis on display.
"While we're here, we should check up on whether my twin Katanas are finished. I dropped them off last week to get the edges sharpened." Nikki walked over to the customer service desk and withdrew her claim ticket from the inside of her thigh highs.
"Can I help you?" the clerk said.
"Yeah, here's my claim ticket, I'm going to need my Katanas if they're ready"
The clerk looked at the ticket and then walked into a back room. He called out "Do you need these wrapped up?"
"No leave them out, I've got my sheath here, I'll need quick access very soon to them" she said calling back to the clerk.
Upon returning with the blades, the clerk tossed the weapons towards Nikki. She swiveled her body so the blades each landed in the sheaths on her belt. "We managed to get them rebalanced while we had them as well, as you can see they react very well to the modifications."
Nikki grinned. "Thanks, my credit covers it right? Good." She then walked off to knock more items off their shopping list. "Ethan dear, lets see about some throwing daggers for yourself."
"I'm thinking of going with throwing chainsaws this time around" Ethan remarked as they walked towards another aisle. "They may not throw so good but they sure look intimidating."
Nikki cut in "Hey they're having a sale on rockets for rocket launchers. Since Cleo apparently bought one of these, maybe we should pick up some ammo for her while its on sale." Nikki grabbed a couple of rockets from the bin and put it in their shopping cart they had grabbed when they entered the ammo section. "Man this wheel sure is messed up, its making all kinds of noise."
The cart was making a lot of noise, that was undeniable. As a matter of fact, they had attracted a sales associate that was walking around helping people with their purchases. "Excuse me, is there a problem here?" he asked.
Ethan smiled and said "Yeah we're having a problem with the wheel on this cart."
"Yeah that happens sometimes." Ethan was about to ask if they should get a new cart but before he could do so, the sales associate drew a firearm from his vest and shot a couple of rounds into the wheel. "Try it now."
The wheel had for the most part been disintegrated by the shots but wasn't squeaking anymore. "Oh um much better" he said as Nikki and him hurriedly walked away. "The service here is ...well they get things done."
"I heard that they have branched out and at least half of their current staff are elite hit men, though hit men don't really adjust well to normal life" Nikki chuckled.
"Actually I was meaning to ask why that old guy at the front door was garroting everyone that he gave a cart to after he greeted them. You notice I didn't talk to him, and I certainly didn't ask him for a cart either." Ethan shuttered. "But what you're saying is they sell death now too?"
"And naturally they have the lowest contract prices in the area putting mom and pop hit man companies out of business all over the place. Its a damn shame, oh here comes an associate!" Both Nikki and Ethan got very quiet as a sales associate came within ear shot.
"Can I help you with anything? Have you checked out our low low prices on weapons grade plutonium?" he asked.
"Thanks but no thanks, we're trying to keep to our list and we where just about done, thank you." Nikki paused for a second, saw the dissatisfaction on the associates face, then smiled a huge grin. "Oh what the heck, impulse buy, show us where it is."
The associates face lit up. "Right this way. Next to the batteries and magazines."
"Yes I do, but that couldn't possibly be related to leaving the keys in the ignition with the cats in the back seat, right?" He didn't sound very sure of himself and was looking for a reassurance from Nikki.
She just shook her head before saying "Oh look at this shirt, isn't it cute?"
Ethan shook his head. "We're not here the buy clothing, we're here to get supplies for the trip. The girls have at least a couple hours head start on us and we'll need to make up that time as soon as we've got all the supplies we need. Now lets head over to the dairy section."
Upon arriving at the dairy aisle, Ethan pushed in on one of the egg cartons. There was a mechanical click as the floor opened up nearby and a set of stairs were revealed descending downward. It was a little known fact that there was a military surplus cache underneath every Walled-mart accessible from near the milks. When Ethan told people he was "Lactose Intolerant", what he was really trying to tell them is that he doesn't react well to being shot repeatedly in the chest.
"Now remember, we're going to need a large amount of guns if we're going to survive where we're going, its a rough place that's for sure. And cold steel too" Ethan said as he browsed the Uzis on display.
"While we're here, we should check up on whether my twin Katanas are finished. I dropped them off last week to get the edges sharpened." Nikki walked over to the customer service desk and withdrew her claim ticket from the inside of her thigh highs.
"Can I help you?" the clerk said.
"Yeah, here's my claim ticket, I'm going to need my Katanas if they're ready"
The clerk looked at the ticket and then walked into a back room. He called out "Do you need these wrapped up?"
"No leave them out, I've got my sheath here, I'll need quick access very soon to them" she said calling back to the clerk.
Upon returning with the blades, the clerk tossed the weapons towards Nikki. She swiveled her body so the blades each landed in the sheaths on her belt. "We managed to get them rebalanced while we had them as well, as you can see they react very well to the modifications."
Nikki grinned. "Thanks, my credit covers it right? Good." She then walked off to knock more items off their shopping list. "Ethan dear, lets see about some throwing daggers for yourself."
"I'm thinking of going with throwing chainsaws this time around" Ethan remarked as they walked towards another aisle. "They may not throw so good but they sure look intimidating."
Nikki cut in "Hey they're having a sale on rockets for rocket launchers. Since Cleo apparently bought one of these, maybe we should pick up some ammo for her while its on sale." Nikki grabbed a couple of rockets from the bin and put it in their shopping cart they had grabbed when they entered the ammo section. "Man this wheel sure is messed up, its making all kinds of noise."
The cart was making a lot of noise, that was undeniable. As a matter of fact, they had attracted a sales associate that was walking around helping people with their purchases. "Excuse me, is there a problem here?" he asked.
Ethan smiled and said "Yeah we're having a problem with the wheel on this cart."
"Yeah that happens sometimes." Ethan was about to ask if they should get a new cart but before he could do so, the sales associate drew a firearm from his vest and shot a couple of rounds into the wheel. "Try it now."
The wheel had for the most part been disintegrated by the shots but wasn't squeaking anymore. "Oh um much better" he said as Nikki and him hurriedly walked away. "The service here is ...well they get things done."
"I heard that they have branched out and at least half of their current staff are elite hit men, though hit men don't really adjust well to normal life" Nikki chuckled.
"Actually I was meaning to ask why that old guy at the front door was garroting everyone that he gave a cart to after he greeted them. You notice I didn't talk to him, and I certainly didn't ask him for a cart either." Ethan shuttered. "But what you're saying is they sell death now too?"
"And naturally they have the lowest contract prices in the area putting mom and pop hit man companies out of business all over the place. Its a damn shame, oh here comes an associate!" Both Nikki and Ethan got very quiet as a sales associate came within ear shot.
"Can I help you with anything? Have you checked out our low low prices on weapons grade plutonium?" he asked.
"Thanks but no thanks, we're trying to keep to our list and we where just about done, thank you." Nikki paused for a second, saw the dissatisfaction on the associates face, then smiled a huge grin. "Oh what the heck, impulse buy, show us where it is."
The associates face lit up. "Right this way. Next to the batteries and magazines."
Thursday, November 1, 2007
Chapter 13: Mike, Medication, and Mayhem
An announcer voice proclaimed with cheesy theme music playing "This is the 1:34pm Action News with anchors Sarah Andrews and Mike McKenzie, your only live on the 34 news report."
"Good afternoon, I'm Sarah Andrews and this is Mike McKenzie, welcome to news at 1:34."
"They already know that Sarah, the announcer just said all of that with the introduction" Mike said sarcastically.
"Mike, I've got a knife under this desk, shut up before we're trying to fill a vacancy for this program" Sarah added.
"I'm not afraid Sarah, you're probably trip and fall onto it as soon as you tried to use it. We'd be filling a vacancy for sure, but it won't be mine." Mike then motioned to their producer who was already in action.
A few moments later some burly men burst in the room and approached the desk. Just as they reached Sarah, the camera panned back over to Mike as they tasered her repeatedly. A couple seconds later, the camera panned back to Sarah as she straightened her hair. "Thank you Mike, forgot my meds today."
Mike continued "Indeed you had, in the news day, we'd gotten reports of a fire on the eastern side of town. From the sounds of it, this fire is raging out of control. Expendable news agent Tonya is on the scene."
Tonya was standing in front of a large burning hole in the side of a house made by some sort of explosion. "I'm here with a Mr. Zane, tell me Mr. Zane, what happened here?"
"Cats got out"
"What, did you just say some cats did this?" Tonya asked confused.
"No this har hole wuz caused by one of them whatcha calls em, rockety launchermajigers fired at close range I recon. I was thinking, whats a rocket launcher doin in my here yurd, so I says I wonder ifs its loaded and thinks hey its probably not, I should test fires it at mah window, wuts the worst that could happin?"
"Alright that's it" is heard off screen. The man that Tonya was talking to is yanked off to the side out of view, followed by a sudden stabbing noise and a short lived scream. When the camera catches up, Zane is standing over a body that has been stabbed in the eye with a dagger. "Tonya, I think you should cut back to the newsroom now."
"Oh um OK, back to you guys, this is Tonya signing..." Tonya was cut short suddenly before she could finish just as a dagger came on screen around eye level, but the shot was already back in the newsroom a moment later.
"We lost another one" Sarah said. "In other news, today was the 5th annual beets and melted crayon cook-off down at the expo center. A record turn out of two homeless people and a lost tourist made the place standing room only, because due to its popularity, it was again held in the mop closet. Good eating, right Mike?"
"What ever you say Sarah" Mike continued. "Oh and this just in, police are in pursuit of a green mustang that is flying down the highway as we speak. We go live to traffic chopper cadet Cosmo, Cosmo?"
"Thank you Mike, this is Cosmo in News Chopper 93 over the pursuit. Police started this pursuit when the vehicle in question jumped a police checkpoint by driving up a pile of dirt. The dirt had been placed like a ramp next to the checkpoint by a road crew working in the area. Police only had this to say, 'It hadn't occurred to us that anyone would use the ramp'.
We're now directly over the vehicle, we might be able to get a good look at the driver." Cosmo gasps. "It appears to be.... driven by a mean looking old gray cat, and shes glaring at me for sure. Actually I think she just flipped me off or gave me a paw or something. And what's that, looks like the passenger window is being lowered. A little gray kitten is sticking its head out the other window and looks like its holding something, is that a rocket launcher? I think it..." The video feed goes dead suddenly right after a large explosion.
Back in the newsroom, Sarah looks over at Mike, then down at the sheet of paper in front of her. After a second, she looks up at the camera. "This just in, local news helicopter crashes onto the highway hindering an in progress police pursuit. The helicopter was apparently shot down by a gray kitten with a rocket launcher. The weapon was fired out of the passenger window of the vehicle being pursued. This is mostly speculation and police are unavailable for comment at this time. Mike?"
"Yes today's weather, clear ...with a chance of news helicopter debris showers. Who wrote that on here?" Mike looked around suspiciously before continuing. "Tonight partly cloudy with a chance of showers. This weekend is looking good for sunny skies and tourists from New York. Sarah back to you." He then quickly said under his breath "If I find out it was you..."
"One other news story of note, a local resident was found murdered outside of their apartment earlier. Police have a suspect in custody. Apparently the suspect wrote on their car window that they were guilty out of guilt. It is speculated in the heat of the moment that the suspect wanted to document the crime on their transportation. A couple witnesses in the area stated that they in fact saw another woman commit the murder and wrote the message on the suspects window afterwards. Police believe these witnesses are idiots and have taken steps to beat the living hell out of the them until their story matches the evidence. I guess you could say they're 'mistaken'?."
"Sarah, was that a joke? That wasn't even remotely funny, you know what, never mind. You'd probably start crying or something. And I'd be like 'Oh boo hoo, the little retard is so sad'"
"I'm suddenly filled with the urge to use this knife again. And this time, you with the tasers, I'll not go down without a fight." Sarah gripped the knife and waved it around menacingly.
"Yes uh that's all we have for the 1:34pm news for today, we'll see you at 6:12pm for our evening edition, until then I'm Mike McKenzie and this is retard Sarah Andrews for 1:34pm Action News."
Sarah added "Mike McKenzie won't be joining us for the evening edition though, he's suddenly contracted a severe case of stabbed in the face, until then folks, I'm Sarah Andrews and this was 1:34pm Action News."
"I already said that, idiot."
-End Transmission-
"Good afternoon, I'm Sarah Andrews and this is Mike McKenzie, welcome to news at 1:34."
"They already know that Sarah, the announcer just said all of that with the introduction" Mike said sarcastically.
"Mike, I've got a knife under this desk, shut up before we're trying to fill a vacancy for this program" Sarah added.
"I'm not afraid Sarah, you're probably trip and fall onto it as soon as you tried to use it. We'd be filling a vacancy for sure, but it won't be mine." Mike then motioned to their producer who was already in action.
A few moments later some burly men burst in the room and approached the desk. Just as they reached Sarah, the camera panned back over to Mike as they tasered her repeatedly. A couple seconds later, the camera panned back to Sarah as she straightened her hair. "Thank you Mike, forgot my meds today."
Mike continued "Indeed you had, in the news day, we'd gotten reports of a fire on the eastern side of town. From the sounds of it, this fire is raging out of control. Expendable news agent Tonya is on the scene."
Tonya was standing in front of a large burning hole in the side of a house made by some sort of explosion. "I'm here with a Mr. Zane, tell me Mr. Zane, what happened here?"
"Cats got out"
"What, did you just say some cats did this?" Tonya asked confused.
"No this har hole wuz caused by one of them whatcha calls em, rockety launchermajigers fired at close range I recon. I was thinking, whats a rocket launcher doin in my here yurd, so I says I wonder ifs its loaded and thinks hey its probably not, I should test fires it at mah window, wuts the worst that could happin?"
"Alright that's it" is heard off screen. The man that Tonya was talking to is yanked off to the side out of view, followed by a sudden stabbing noise and a short lived scream. When the camera catches up, Zane is standing over a body that has been stabbed in the eye with a dagger. "Tonya, I think you should cut back to the newsroom now."
"Oh um OK, back to you guys, this is Tonya signing..." Tonya was cut short suddenly before she could finish just as a dagger came on screen around eye level, but the shot was already back in the newsroom a moment later.
"We lost another one" Sarah said. "In other news, today was the 5th annual beets and melted crayon cook-off down at the expo center. A record turn out of two homeless people and a lost tourist made the place standing room only, because due to its popularity, it was again held in the mop closet. Good eating, right Mike?"
"What ever you say Sarah" Mike continued. "Oh and this just in, police are in pursuit of a green mustang that is flying down the highway as we speak. We go live to traffic chopper cadet Cosmo, Cosmo?"
"Thank you Mike, this is Cosmo in News Chopper 93 over the pursuit. Police started this pursuit when the vehicle in question jumped a police checkpoint by driving up a pile of dirt. The dirt had been placed like a ramp next to the checkpoint by a road crew working in the area. Police only had this to say, 'It hadn't occurred to us that anyone would use the ramp'.
We're now directly over the vehicle, we might be able to get a good look at the driver." Cosmo gasps. "It appears to be.... driven by a mean looking old gray cat, and shes glaring at me for sure. Actually I think she just flipped me off or gave me a paw or something. And what's that, looks like the passenger window is being lowered. A little gray kitten is sticking its head out the other window and looks like its holding something, is that a rocket launcher? I think it..." The video feed goes dead suddenly right after a large explosion.
Back in the newsroom, Sarah looks over at Mike, then down at the sheet of paper in front of her. After a second, she looks up at the camera. "This just in, local news helicopter crashes onto the highway hindering an in progress police pursuit. The helicopter was apparently shot down by a gray kitten with a rocket launcher. The weapon was fired out of the passenger window of the vehicle being pursued. This is mostly speculation and police are unavailable for comment at this time. Mike?"
"Yes today's weather, clear ...with a chance of news helicopter debris showers. Who wrote that on here?" Mike looked around suspiciously before continuing. "Tonight partly cloudy with a chance of showers. This weekend is looking good for sunny skies and tourists from New York. Sarah back to you." He then quickly said under his breath "If I find out it was you..."
"One other news story of note, a local resident was found murdered outside of their apartment earlier. Police have a suspect in custody. Apparently the suspect wrote on their car window that they were guilty out of guilt. It is speculated in the heat of the moment that the suspect wanted to document the crime on their transportation. A couple witnesses in the area stated that they in fact saw another woman commit the murder and wrote the message on the suspects window afterwards. Police believe these witnesses are idiots and have taken steps to beat the living hell out of the them until their story matches the evidence. I guess you could say they're 'mistaken'?."
"Sarah, was that a joke? That wasn't even remotely funny, you know what, never mind. You'd probably start crying or something. And I'd be like 'Oh boo hoo, the little retard is so sad'"
"I'm suddenly filled with the urge to use this knife again. And this time, you with the tasers, I'll not go down without a fight." Sarah gripped the knife and waved it around menacingly.
"Yes uh that's all we have for the 1:34pm news for today, we'll see you at 6:12pm for our evening edition, until then I'm Mike McKenzie and this is retard Sarah Andrews for 1:34pm Action News."
Sarah added "Mike McKenzie won't be joining us for the evening edition though, he's suddenly contracted a severe case of stabbed in the face, until then folks, I'm Sarah Andrews and this was 1:34pm Action News."
"I already said that, idiot."
-End Transmission-
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