Chapter 29: Huddled Together

Jade slammed the phone hard against the wall before yelling something incoherent into it that sounded something like "Mom always liked me best!". She then dropped the phone into the toilet and flushed.

Nikki came running up the stairs to Jade. "What's wrong dear?"

Jade looked over at Nikki as she approached. "Nothing, Anna just called and suggested maybe we all go to Huddled Waffle Hut. I do hope she's not implying there's anything wrong with my cooking."

Ethan whispered to Nikki "Crisis narrowly averted".

Jade yelled "Are you talking about me!?"

"No no, just commenting on the fact the toilet is backing up because it has some sort of foreign object stuck in it." Ethan then got up, winked to Nikki, and wadded through the forming puddle in the bathroom. Moments later he returned with a soaking phone, and hung it back up on the receiver. It made a very unconvincing gurgled beep, followed by a couple of sparks and then burst into flames.

"That doesn't normally do that" Nikki added. "Could you be a dear and put that out Ethan?" Ethan grabbed the vase on the bookshelf nearby and dumped it on the flames to put them out.

Jade continued "We'll need to leave in a couple minutes, want to take one car?" Nikki and Ethan nodded and the headed for the door. "Kids, stay out of trouble while we're gone." Tigerlily came lumbering out of one of the bedrooms and looked up at Jade with a mean stare before eating some of the discarded flowers from the vase. "I'll take that as a 'Yes Jade'".

The three of them moved outside towards the car. Nikki declared playfully as they approached the HUMV, "I call shotgun!"

Ethan yelled "And I call roof!"

Jade frowned and said in the least excited voice she could "Yay, I guess that means I'm driving."

Ethan laughed. "Not necessarily".

Jade seemed to ponder this for a moment. "No I think I better, considering the alternatives do not seem very appealing."

After a quick drive to the local Huddled Waffle Hut, Jade, Nikki, and Ethan piled out of the vehicle and headed towards the building. As they reached the door, Ethan paused to straighten his wind-blown hair. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw someone waving frantically. Anna was sitting at a table inside with four other people, Amber, Millie, a guy and another girl. Making his way to the table, Ethan looked at the guy and said "Who the hell are you?".

The man looked up at him and frowned with a hurt look on his face. "Ethan! It's me Ralph, you've known me for like three years now." Ralph watched as Ethan's gaze moved to the girl sitting next to him. "And don't tell me you also forgot Myrna!"

Ethan looked back at Ralph and then back at Myrna. He then seemed to be thinking about something for a moment before his demeanor got noticeably more friendly. "No I didn't forget, I was just ...kidding." He then took a seat at the table and started to page through the menu.

"You're not actually looking at the menu are you?" Nikki asked. "You always order the same thing, always!"

He responded "I like to look at all of the 'could have been' meals just so they don't feel my neglect for them."

Ralph looked up from his menu. "Someone will order these items one day, today's not their day though."

Amber kicked Ethan in the knee. Ethan, semi-annoyed, asked "What do you want?"

Amber smiled innocently. "I'm currently experiencing tough times and am unable to conjure up enough funding to cover the expense of the meal we're about to consume. This being the case, I am in fact in search of an alternative means to cover the cost of the food I would like to eat."

Ethan commented sarcastically "I hear they're hiring cheap labor in the salt mines below the restaurant for anyone that can't cover their bill. You sound like a prime candidate for such an opportunity."

"You know as lucrative as that may sound, maybe someone would be able to cover the cost of my food for me so I don't have to join the workforce of mole people in the depths below."

"Yeah you'll have to find someone to help you out. If you're trying to get me to offer, all you have to do is ask. Amber repeat after me, 'Ethan, can you lend me some money so I can eat tonight?'

Amber groaned. "Alright fine, Ethan, can you lend me some money so I can eat tonight?"

"No!" Ethan laughed aloud. He then noticed that Jade was giving him the 'death glare', the stare that has killed many lesser men. "Oh um yeah alright I'll help you out this time."

It was at this time, the waitress came around to the table. "Welcome to Huddled Waffle Hut, can I get your drink orders please?"

Chapter 28: Game Over Man

"Hey Jade, come play this new game with me?" Ethan said as he tossed Jade one of the controllers. Jade wasn't quite prepared for the toss and instinctively deflected the foreign object as it approached her. Bouncing off her, the controller went sailing through the window behind the couch. "Or smash our window, that's a pretty fun game too."

"Give me a little more warning before you throw something at me next time" Jade growled slightly annoyed.

"Yeah alright, it's a good thing we keep a box of these things around" Ethan said as he grabbed another controller out of the cardboard box and handed it to Jade cautiously. "Have a seat" he said as he motioned Jade to sit down next to him on the couch.

"Jade, I'm sorry to ask this" Nikki cut in "but how long are you going to keep the Christmas tree up?" Nikki had been sitting quietly on the coach watching Ethan play the Playbox X-Station. "You had Ethan set it up a couple months ago and you ended up putting one string of lights and three mismatched ornaments on it. There it sat in its disheveled state till twenty days into January."

Jade responded "It wasn't really my fault, I contracted Leprosy and the Black Plaque at the same time that managed to counteract each other for the most part but made me allergic to artificial Christmas trees the whole time. Just as I was about to get better, I fell asleep one night and found myself in New Jersey when I woke up. So not wanting to miss an opportunity, I went to visit family."

Ethan paused his game for a second and commented "You were gone for like two weeks, we had forgot what your name was. We thought for the longest time it was Jeb or Jide."

Jade frowned. "Yeah see the thing is I contracted a case of 'forget where I live' from some hobo that was sleeping in the back of the HUMV. It took that long to remember where I lived to come home."

Nikki then said "Well we're glad you found your way back eventually. I did hear a rumor that New Jersey is going to change their motto to 'We're full, go away!' somewhere recently.

Jade added "I had heard that same rumor too. I wonder if that will come to pass because it's certainly appropriate. Speaking of which, my sister, Anna is coming over for dinner tomorrow with her friends. I want you two to be on your best behavior and try to keep the cats in line this time."

Ethan paused his game again and said "They do what they want to do, we're all just along for the ride."

"Well Cleopatra really looks up to you Ethan, so at least try to talk her into not causing any problems for Anna and her friends."

Not really paying all that much attention, Ethan responded "Yeah sure I'll talk to her about it in a few minutes." Jade and Nikki just looked at each other and shook their heads.

Jade looked at the television screen for the first time since she sat down and got a better look of the game that Ethan was playing. "What is this game exactly?" she asked.

Ethan seemed to pay a little more attention when he responded. "This is the massively popular online game 'World of Arts-and-Crafts' and my current top character is a level 65 Crochet Master. I also have a level 26 Pottery Maker I've been leveling up in my free time. I can't wait till the new expansion, Easy-Bake Dungeon, comes out next month. Nikki has been playing it too when she has free time."

"Yeah I've got a level 66 Crochet Master that took me way less time to level. I think Ethan just isn't very good at this game." Nikki grinned.

"You learned all the secrets from watching me play and then turned around and used that information to do a better job when it was your turn to play." Ethan sighed. "But yes you're higher level Crochet Master in less time."

"See its so much easier when you admit I'm awesome." Nikki poked Ethan in the head with two of her fingers.

Jade interrupted "Yes this game seems really interesting or whatever but it's getting late, I'm going to head to bed. I'm tired."

Nikki frowned. "We haven't even ate dinner yet. It's like 7pm right now."

"Oh yeah, lets do that first." Jade hurried into the kitchen to get dinner ready.

Nikki watching the game on the screen laughed when Ethan's character died all of a sudden. "You just got killed fighting what looked like a bowl of fruit salad." She laughed again at his expense. "Game Over Man, Game Over!"

Chapter 27: Power Down

"So how was work today, you're home early" Jade asked as Ethan and Nikki came in the door.

"There was a slight change of plans, we had to evacuate the lab, rush everyone out, the whole nine yards" Ethan responded.

"Oh that does sound serious, what was the cause?" she asked.

Ethan shrugged and said "I wanted to go home."

"OK, well welcome home."

Ethan looked up the stairs and said "I think I'm going to hit up the Internet real quick and find out what's going on in the world." He then started towards the computer.

"Ethan!" Nikki shouted. Ethan turned back around. "Ethan, aren't you forgetting to tell Jade something?"

"Well lets see.." He paused for a minute thinking and then said simply "No I don't think so."

Nikki groaned. "How about the visitor you brought home with you from work?"

"Oh yeah him, Jade dear, Slash the Clown is going to be living in our shed as part of a government initiative, no Psychopath left behind or some such, I know you don't support our president because he's a chimp but pressure at work and all, Slash needed a good home. And besides he promised to keep all our power tools in good working order."

Jade looked at Nikki. Nikki shrugged and said "Don't look at me, I wasn't aware till we were almost home."

Jade frowned. "OK fine but if he causes us any problems at all, you may have to take him out back and shoot him. It's the most humane thing we can do in such a situation." She began to turn back towards the TV and was startled by a scary face in the window. "Holy crap!"

Ethan said "See look at that face, what's not to love about Slash?"

Jade was about to answer but Nikki interrupted. "Well it really is disconcerting the way he licks that knife blade all the time."

Ethan just shrugged the comment off. "It's his special way of showing his affection." Ethan then continued towards the computer.

Jade made an aggressive shoo motion at the window and Slash seemed to sink out of view. She then turned to Nikki and said "Everything go alright at the lab today?"

Nikki frowned. "A lot of the same stuff, they have signs all over the place to help avoid the common problems that come up but there's some universal law that people will do the last thing they should. I think we had an issue with one of the walls which kind of threw Ethan for a loop but things seem to have settled down again. Did you know that the lab has full lethal defense mechanisms in place?"

"It is college, people can get out of hand sometimes especially when beer is involved" she responded.

Nikki nodded. Ethan suddenly commented aloud "According to this, Goggle's satellite service has received more then five hundred thousand visits to the satellite image of our home in the last couple days. Isn't that, oh hey look my favorite web comics got updated?"

Nikki and Jade looked at each other. "He really doesn't get it does he?"

"Nope"

Just then, the lights flickered a couple times on and off before stabilizing. Nikki asked "What's going on?"

Jade responded "The cats are building something on the roof and I think whatever it is might be drawing a little more power then the circuits can hold."

Nikki yelled towards the ceiling "Cleo, if you bypass the house power box and connect directly to the incoming power line, you'll fix your power consumption limitations. Moments later, Cleopatra came jogging down the stairs, rubbed against Nikki's legs a couple times, squeaked a meow at her and jogged back up the stairs.

Moments later there was a soft buzzing noise heard from the roof that seemed to build up to a constant loud rumbling. Jade asked "Ethan can you maybe investigate why our house seems to be getting so many hits on the satellite imaging service?"

Ethan looked up, "What, oh right yeah sure let me pull it ..." At that moment the lights went out through out the house for about 5 seconds accompanied by a whooshing noise from the roof. When the lights came back on, all of the rumbling and buzzing was gone. "Give me a second to reload the website." Ethan turned a couple seconds later and said "The satellite is apparently offline now, must be a problem with the website, though goggle is pretty good about keeping their pages active.

Jade walked to the window just in time to watch a falling star shooting across the sky and landing somewhere in the distance. She then said as she shook her head "I suppose its time to feed the cats." Moments later, all three came running down the stairs and followed Jade to the kitchen.

Chapter 26: The Russians

Zane spoke "First off, I'm dying to ask, you Russians say you're the bad guys, and you've attempted to hire me for consulting purposes, which indirectly makes me the bad guy too. Why is it I'm always made out to be the bad guy. I'm like-able aren't I?"

"Nyet, you are lawyer, no one like lawyer, ever" said Agent Leon.

"I'm honest though?"

"Again Nyet, nothing in your residence was paid for, not even the house which is registered to a Mr. Killme Antakemihous. Supposedly Mr. Antakemihous went missing around the time you moved in according to our Intel."

"Uh well see the thing is he was dead when I found him. And I thought hey don't let a good house go to waste especially since I went through the trouble of killing...err...finding his body, his memory could live on if I used the residence as my own." Zane looked around uneasy. "You make a compelling argument though, how can I be of assistance?"

"Yes we monitor The Two here. It is project assigned to us by Mother Russia and we jump at opportunity to recruit inside man to assist with our mission. You will help us to lure them into trap so we may capture them to harness their combined power."

Zane looked doubtful. "Why not go straight for them. You obviously had the resources to find me, why not just nab them and be done with it?"

"Ah is easy question, protected by three guardians." Agent Nickolas pulled up the image of three cats on one of the large monitors in the room. These are quite formidable enemy guardians, especially the little grey one."

Zane groaned and rubbed his head. "You have no idea, that little one was the cause of the hole in my, err Mr. Antakemihous's residence. I can't prove anything but I think they were trying to kill me when they were over a couple days ago."

"Nyet, we know first hand what guardians capable of, they originally work for Russians many years ago, but defect and now work for The Two. Very skilled in weapon use and explosives. Also highly trained fighters. Little grey one recently tap into Russian resources to gain access to surplus rocket launchers, cause much havoc. We send strike team to deal with problem, destroy their vehicle, but very elusive these guardians are and they escape attack, big thorn in our side for many years now. They were once trusted comrades, now some of Russia's most dangerous enemies. That is why project so important."

"Actually that does explain a lot, I felt like their actions had a certain organized feel to it you only ever find in trained soldiers." Zane looked up at another one of the monitors which seem to be a satellite view of Jade, Nikki, and Ethan's house. "So you have Russian satellites monitoring them then?"

"Nyet, that monitor is connected to Goggle Planet, is much better then Russian satellite resources. We have not unlocked ability to activate laser capabilities Goggle satellite has. We Russians amazed rest of world let Goggle take it over so easily. Goggle claims they are not evil, Russia ready to surrender if they ever decide to become evil. All of Russia already use their email client, gives great storage space capacity for all Russian secrets."

"So what do I have to do to help you?" Zane asked still confused on what part he was to play.

"You will bring Russian tracking device and place on The Two and attempt to lure them into a location where the guardians can not help them. Here is tracking device." Agent Leon pointed at a large helmet with a small satellite dish mounted on the top.

"Is that the best you have, its a little..I don't know, obvious, it looks heavy too. Yeah this thing weighs like 10 pounds, putting that on their head without them noticing would be impossible."

"OK tracking device maybe not feasible, always good to ask though."

Zane continued "And have you tried to grab them while they're at work?"

"Nyet, the lab The Two work at has great combat defense capabilities. Would be suicide mission for sure, Russians not like being shot at."

"I can't imagine why not" Zane said sarcastically.

"Because it would kill us."

Zane dropped his head into his hands. "OK well you answered my question at least. So what is all this equipment doing then?"

"Nothing really, its mostly for show, we sometimes use the big screen to play pong on, is latest hit in Russia, is state of the art game technology."

Zane thought for a moment. "I am in need of your restroom"

"Right this way" Agent Nickolas said leading him to the restrooms, a set of two doors, one marked "Comrade" and the other marked "Comradette".

Zane immediately after he was alone in the restroom pried open the air vent in the ceiling and climbed into the air ducts making his way through the maze until he found himself outside. "With allies like that, who needs enemies, oh look they left their vehicle out in the open where anyone could break the window, hot wire it and drive it away."

A couple hours later, Agents Leon and Nickolas are standing at the entrance to the restroom looking at each other occasionally saying "He'll probably be finished soon." "Ya any minute now".

Chapter 25: The Missing Chapter

--Transmission Failed--

Chapter 24: Broken Wall

Ethan looked around perplexed. He felt like he had been stuck in a pose at work for more then two weeks which is undoubtedly a fate worse then death. He pulled a copy of the script out from underneath the table and noticed that there was in fact more written on the pages after the scene he had just finished. "Oh good, we get to continue!" He muttered something about a writer's strike or some such nonsense.

Slowly his gaze turned towards all the people watching him from behind their computer screens. "What?" They kept watching as he inched his way 'inconspicuously' over to one of the cleansing barrels throughout the lab and dropped the script into it. The last piece of evidence was gone and he was again home free. "What are you staring at?" he asked but everyone just kept watching.

He walked calmly over to the phone and started to place a call. A few moments later, whoever he called picked up and he started to talk. To everyone else in the computer lab, they could only hear what he was saying.

"Hey its me. We got a problem". . . . . . . . . .
"The fourth wall" . . . . . . . . . .
"Yeah someone broke it, and they're all staring at me, what should I do?". . . . . . . . . .
"I had one, but I burned it, it was evidence". . . . . . . . . .
"No I'll ask."

Ethan looked up and asked Nikki "Do you have your own copy?" Nikki shook her head. Ethan frowned and continued to talk on the phone.

"She was using my copy". . . . . . . . . .
"Before I burned it, I remember glancing over something about Russians". . . . . . . . . .
"Well I didn't look what page it was, I just wanted to know if anything else was in there". . . . . . . . . .
"So what, should we just wing it?". . . . . . . . . .
"What's the worst that could happen? Obviously you haven't been keeping track". . . . . . . . . .
"Really?. . . . . . . . . .
"Yes yes death to the infidels!". . . . . . . . . .
"No I realize that didn't make any sense, I just wanted to say it again.". . . . . . . . . .
"Well it keeps the lab patrons in line.". . . . . . . . . .
"Actually if we're kind of just going to deviate from the plan, I think I know just where to start.". . . . . . . . . .
"Ok I have to go, we're about to kick things up a notch". . . . . . . . . .
"Yes it does sound foreboding, that's why I can't keep everyone waiting". . . . . . . . . .
"Ok bye!"

Ethan hung up the phone and smiled. "Labs Closed! Get out!" he shouted at the patrons. "You don't have to go home but you can't stay here."

One of the patrons spun around in their chair and said "I'm not finished yet and your posted closing time isn't for another 3 hours. I have to get this done today because I've decided to not work on it the whole semester even though it's at the top of the syllabus. Its due tomorrow and I've got 30 more pages to write which I've decided not to save even once until I'm finished completely."

Ethan looked in that patron's direction. "You make a convincing point, allow me to submit my counterpoint if I may." He then reached under the Lab Assistant desk and pressed a hidden red button. All over the lab, gun turrets popped out of the ceiling and started to auto-track the now fleeing patrons. "Lab's closed! If anyone else wishes to debate it, I'll hit the other button and we all know what would happen next"

"You won't use it!" the patron challenged. Ethan pointed a laser pointer at the computer the patron was using which attracted a number of turrets. They opened fire decimating his computer and most of the desk with a barrage of bullets. The patron got up and on his way out said "Good point sir, lab is closed."

Nikki laughed. "You have a way with words Ethan, or a way with automatic tracking gun turrets at least. I didn't even know you had that capacity in here."

"We only have to use them during exams and fire drills when everyone just keeps working even when we try to get them to leave." Ethan waited till the lab was empty except him and Nikki before retracting the guns and heading towards the exit with her.

"This is going to be a rough trip home" Nikki said as they left the building. "I know, things get weird whenever we deviate from what is expected of us."

"I think at this point, what isn't expected of us would be something normal" Ethan countered. "Speaking of which, its getting really breezy in there. Someone should really fix that wall."