Chapter 30: Service Deficient

The waitress waited patiently to take the drink orders of the group. Ethan started first with ordering of drinks. "Can I get a sweet tea?" Nikki and Ralph ordered the same thing.

Myrna was next to order. "I'd like a water please."

The waitress responded "What type would you like, we have bottled, tap, sewer and dirty dishwater."

Myrna thought for a moment. "I'll get the tap water today."

Amber said "I'll get a water too, sewer water for me please."

Jade and Anna both tried to order at the same time "I'll get a hot tea" which was actually kind of cute. They both threw each other nasty glares and proceeded to flick each other in the head till the waitress lost interest.

Millie was last to order. "I'd like a sweat tea myself."

The waitress looked up from her pad. "I'm sorry miss, we're out of sweat tea."

"But they ordered sweat tea just a moment ago. What about hot tea?"

"Yeah all out of that too, sorry."

Millie looked dejected. "Oh uh how about some water, whatever water you have is fine."

"Actually we don't have any water either."

Ethan interrupted. "So are you saying none of us can get drinks?"

The waitress turned to him. "No, you all are fine, we can get you the drinks you wanted."

Millie frowned. "Well in that case, what can I get?"

"I just finished changing the oil in my car before I made that other table's food and the old oil in a big puddle out in the parking lot."

Millie said "OK I'll take that." The waitress handed her a straw and an empty cup and pointed her towards the door. Millie wandered outside with the straw and cup in hand. Around the time that Millie returned, the waitress had come back with all the drinks.

Nikki seeing Amber's drink said "Hey you got lucky Amber, your drink still has glowing chunks of unrecognized sewer debris, some days it's better then others I guess."

The waitress asked "Are you all ready to order?"

"Yeah I think we're ready." The group proceeded to take turns ordering their elaborate meals. All the while, the waitress seemed to be busy writing things down on her little pad. Right as the waitress was turning to leave, Ethan spoke again. "I'm sorry, I hate to ask but you were not writing all that much down on your pad as we ordered, can I see what you wrote?" Without waiting, he snatched the pad from her hands and looked at it. All that was on the pad was a cute little drawing of a fat roundish cow with big eyes and a little chat bubble that said 'Moo?'. "This doesn't look like our order."

The waitress said "Oh its all up here" as she pointed at her head.

"Then why bother bringing a pad to the table?"

"I like to draw comical pictures of cows when I'm taking orders" she again responded."

Ethan didn't have a that great of a reply to that and just let it go. "Carry on then."

She came back with hot food 10 minutes later for everyone except Ralph. While everyone else was chowing down, Ralph watched the waitress take his plate over to a table with a redneck and a baboon at it and placed it in front of the redneck. He turned and said "I didn't order this, but I'll eat it" and then fell face first into the plate. Moments later, he came up for air and said "No seriously get my real food."

Ralph flagged down the waitress. "Excuse me, I think you just gave my food to that guy over at that table who even said wasn't what he ordered."

She frowned and looked at the check with the picture of the cow on it. "According to this, it was supposed to go to table 9, you're sitting at table 7."

Ralph looked a little distraught. "How can you tell that's table 9, you're just making up the table numbers aren't you?"

She nodded. She walked over to the other table and picked up the plate with a big impression of a rednecks face in the middle and brought it over placing it in front of Ralph. He frowned say "He put his face in it, I'd like a fresh plate."

She took the plate away and went to the kitchen to cook up another plate. In the time she was away, the baboon got up and paid the check and left soon after with the redneck leaving an empty table. A few minutes later, the waitress came out with a fresh plate of what Ralph had ordered and brought it over to the same table they redneck and baboon had been sitting at earlier placing the plate down on the empty table. She then looked at her check pad, looked around confused, then face-planted her face into the food before dumping it in the trash.

On her way past the table, Ralph, having witnessed the death of his plate of food again, flagged her over. "Excuse me but you took my food to the wrong table again which apparently doesn't even have people at it anymore and although that could still have been corrected, you destroyed. Can I get my food tonight or not, try to bring it to our table this time."

She looked at her check pad and asked "Are you sure you ordered something? That food was for table 9, I'm sure of it."

Ralph groaned. "What did I tell you about playing make-believe. Bring me my food please, I'm very hungry."

She disappeared into the kitchen and again returned with a plate of food supposedly meant for Ralph. She walked up to the table, extended her hands with the food and dropped the plate a foot too far away from the table. The food, plate and all plummeted to the floor before exploding is a mess at her feet. She stood there dumbfounded for a second or two looking up at Ralph, the table, and the mess on the floor before speaking. "Oh right, on the table." Ralph nodded irritated. She wondered back into the kitchen muttering about how 'it was meant for another table' and that she 'didn't understand where the problem was'.

The fourth plate meant for Ralph actually did make it to him. At this point everyone had already finished and were just starting at him as he ate. Everyone else paid for their meal except Ralph. When it was his turn, he walked over to the register. She rung up his meal four times bringing his total to some completely unreasonable amount. He calmly reached down and unplugged the register, pushed it onto the grill and walked out the door.

After everyone was outside, they turned around just in time to see the waitress running around the restaurant frantically, apparently on fire. Everyone was a little confused about how that happened to come to pass but decided it was better not to press the issue.

Before everyone parted ways for the evening, Ralph said "I love eating here, the service is superb."