Chapter 1: Start the Day Off Right

Ethan stared at Tigerlily as she sat in front of the door blocking his way. Tigerlily was an old gray cat who had long ago grown as cynical and mean as a cat can be. Ethan was pretty sure that Tigerlily was flipping him off, or giving him the paw at least. That was about as close as a cat could come to a mean-spirited hand gesture. "Well same to you Tigerlily" Ethan said angrily.

"Ethan dear, she's the least of our problems right now. You're making us late." Nikki was standing next to Ethan the whole time.

Ethan frowned. "She's going to try and slap me if I try to move her so we can get outside."

Nikki threw her hands to her side. "It's not a big deal, we have another door leading outside, lets just take that one."

"Oh yeah" he said. "This isn't over yet Tigerlily, not in the least bit." Tigerlily responded with an angry growling noise and then settled back down in front of the door. "OK lets go." Ethan and Nikki moved across the house to the side door and stepped outside.

"We're actually quite late now" Nikki reminded Ethan.

"It was the cat's fault" was all he could respond.

Nikki laughed. "As much sense as I'm sure that makes to you, its not a very solid defense if you ask me." She smirked in his direction and poked him in the side. "Why don't you go ahead and tell them a dog ate all the books while you're at it."

"Whatever, oh look, the car is still here in the driveway." Ethan and Nikki had just walked around to the front yard and the driveway.

Nikki looked confused. "What do you mean 'its still in the driveway'?"

"Well some days I come out here to drive it and its not there, and then mysteriously it returns many hours later in roughly the same spot. Luckily disappearing and reappearing cars aren't going to be an issue today."

As they climbed into the car, Nikki groaned. "You do know that Jade borrows it from time to time, and when she does she always leaves her vehicle here in the driveway. Haven't you ever noticed her HUMV?"

Ethan shook his head slowly as he started the car up. "No, its not ringing a bell."

"Why she would even want to borrow your Mustang is beyond me with all this garbage in the backseat."

"Hey! Those are all very useful things."

"Well what do you need a network switch for?" she asked skeptical.

"That's for if I'm ever somewhere and they experience a critical network switch hardware failure, then I'll be like 'Hey I got one in my car' and they'll be like 'Oh Ethan our hero'."

"That only barely makes any sense, but I'll leave it be. What about the wooden pole? I'm dying to hear your explanation for that. Is it for in case you have to grow a forest from scratch?" She laughed at him.

"No the wooden pole is for all the times I've had to do battle to the death on a narrow rope bridge hanging high above a volcano."

"Ethan, I'm pretty sure you've never done battle to the death over a volcano."

"No I suppose I haven't, but I got a feeling today's the day. The one time you go out unprepared is the one day you will have wished you remembered your wooden pole" he said as he backed the car up. There was a loud thumping noise as the car hit and ran over something. "I don't remember there being a speed bump in our driveway.

Nikki rolled down her window to investigate. "Sorry, that wasn't a speed bump. It was that guy from the Twilit Zone that goes around offering insightful commentary to unseen crowds all the time. He's been hanging around our house for a couple of days now."

"Oh really?" Ethan said as he too rolled down his window. He then shouted out the window "Submitted for your approval, MY TIRES!" and proceeded to back over the guy one more time. Ethan again started to head out of the driveway.

"There are laws against leaving bodies out in the open like that, help me put it in the trunk. We'll stop somewhere on the way." They both climbed out and tossed the body into the trunk. "Check his pockets just in case" All they found in his pockets was a business card that said 'Narrator'. They shrugged slightly confused. They then both got back into the car quickly. "See doesn't it feel better to clean up after yourself?"

"Yeah yeah, we can finally get on our way" he added as they sped out onto the road. By now, they were even later and Ethan was trying to make up for some lost time. "Why do you suppose there are so many people standing in the middle of the express lane? Some of them are only just barely leaping out of the way before I hit them."

Nikki rolled her eyes. "I think I have a good explanation. What you call the 'express lane' is what the rest of us like to call the sidewalk. I'm pretty sure most of these people were not expecting to have to share it with your car."

"But it's so much faster in this lane."

She responded "I know, that's why I didn't say anything originally. I have an idea about what we can do about the body in the trunk. This sleaze of a man approached me the other day and gave me his business card." She reached into her bag and pulled out a business card. "Ah yes Zane McStabenstash, I'll give him a call and see if he can meet us on the way." Nikki pulled out her cellphone and quickly dialed the number from the card.
"Yes hello, I received a business card from you the other day...
I was the one that tripped you....
Right well we might have a job for you....
A Disposal....
OK can you meet us at the abandon drive-thru?...
Excellent, in like five minutes....
Come alone....
Why? I don't know, seemed like the right thing to say...
OK, see you then....."

Nikki closed the phone and put it away. "Make a quick stop at the abandon drive-thru. It's just up ahead." Ethan returned to the road and took the turn towards the abandoned section of town.

Upon reaching the meeting location, they were surprised to see that a man was already standing there waiting. Nikki and Ethan got out of the car and approached the man cautiously.

"Ah you must be the folks that called me. I'm always happy to take on new clients. My name is Zane, how may I be of service?"

Ethan stepped forward. "We've got a package that was 'damaged in transit' that we'd like redelivered to an undisclosed location."

"Ah yes, OK, lets fill out some paperwork shall we." Zane hit a button on the side of his briefcase that popped some legs out the bottom forming a little table. "OK if I could get you to sign here.....and here...initial below this line. OK now put your fingerprint here. OK ... and here too. OK and make a check out to Zane for the amount listed on page 2, box N.... OK I'm legally obligated to inform you that I am an equal opportunity service provider and under North Carolina law, am also required to subject you to a 10 day waiting period for body disposal. I'll be in touch."

"We were hoping you could take care of this now" Nikki said angerily.

"Sorry you've already signed the paperwork. Too bad. See you in ten days, bring it here then, bye bye." Zane then threw down a little smoke bomb that let out a wisp of smoke as he ran away."

Nikki got back in the car slamming the door. Ethan watched Zane disappear behind the abandoned snack bar before getting back in the car. Nikki fumed "He'll get what's coming to him." Ethan smirked as he started the car.

Finally another ten minutes later, Ethan and Nikki arrived at their destination, the local university. After they climbed out and collected a box of materials from the trunk, they walked towards the security checkpoint in the front of the library.

"Isn't it something else that they enacted a policy prohibitting the use of any books in university buildings that have any educational value whatsoever?" Nikki asked as they approached the line.

When it was their turn to go through, Ethan told the armed guards "As you can see Officiers, all of these books and weapons have no educational value whatsoever." After a quick verification of his statement, the guards waved them through without incident.

Once inside, they moved downstairs and found the study room that their group was meeting in. As Ethan pushed the door open he said "Sorry we're late, we had a rough trip into town today." Ethan and Nikki took seats at the table. "Before we begin, lets get all the small talk and idle chatter out of the way."

People started talking all kinds of random things. "Did you hear that their offering Jumproping 101 next year." "I heard that Advanced Underwater Basket Weaving was being moved up to a 300th level course." "Did you hear that the answer to that one puzzle was dubious?"

Ethan with a wave of his hand yelled "SILENCE, enough idle chatter, let us begin. Thank you all for being here. Tonight you die!" After which, he chucked a handful of dice out onto the table. "Roll for initiative!"